Still want Love and
Someone to depend on it
Tread through trenches
Tell them I sent for them
Then died for it
'Cause I perished my love
When I was caught in the crossfires
of the endless ache that it brings

I should have let go
The night told me so
It ran its fingers across my confidence
And gripped it tight
Dragging it to depths I never knew existed

And instead of
Clawing my way back
My hands digging deeper into the stars and making my way towards my home
I faltered at the home stretch
And allow myself to be dragged off to space

A space that no amount of crawling
No amount of meditating and inner-peace
No amount of kumbaya and stabbing myself in my chest
Will save me from the night that told me
I should’ve let go

Take my hand
Don’t let go
Share with me your doubts and I shall listen
Never feel that your grip is to tight
Even if my hand shall turn purple, Its nerves dying
A hand is nothing compared to an open heart
Soak your grief and
watch as it dissolves into relief

I haven’t put thought to paper since then
Because I’d thought that
If I thought anymore, you’d only see
A bitter child who threw his toys out the pram

If I thought anymore, I’d only be writing about
A heart-broken man that wanted love from
The embodiment of a soulmate
And was willing to flirt on the outskirts of deaths embrace
And ignore all rules imposed
For a fairy-tale understanding of destiny

If I thought anymore, I'd have to look within
At the selfish man that should've
Stepped away and moved off the edge ages ago
But has instead, decided to
Dangle his heart off the cliff
And throw it away, into the darkened pit below

Time has past since then
And still I think, though I’m less inclined to share now
Time has healed some things
Birds are spry come morning but
As I’ve said, to the shadows and the sun

Time cannot mend an adamant fool who wishes...

It’s been weeks
Weeks, I say!
The sun stirs me from my dark nights
Leaving me with an unfamiliar...warmth?

I don’t despise it
It’s been a welcome change from
The sunken eyes and
Miasma of unpleasantries

Now the sun
bathes me in its glow
Never afraid to
Burn me with its tremendous affection and adulation
I can feel it's joyful intentions

However,
Even birds must land
And when they land on gravelled road
Their wings sore from their journey
So too, they whimper towards the night sky
Hoping for anything to listen to their woes

It’s been weeks
Weeks, I say!
The sun may be my friend
But the night is family

It hears my yearning
Like a cat of the alleys
That shrieks and hisses
Fending off the night’s terrors

It listens in its silence
And utters nothing but thought
And sometimes
That's more than enough.

I am disengaging with reality
I don't mean to but
I've measured my days in unrequited affection

Each day ends the same
Never is there a change
The sun still tumbles out of existence
Releasing a shroud of turpitude, for me to cloak myself in

Watching doves has become an annoyance
Daydreaming on how easy they can fly anywhere
With whomever they wish
I draw my knife and poke it against my temple
And feel the wetness of frustration tread lightly

Down it drips,
Splashing against wanted hips
Staining painted fingertips
Solidifying a destined kiss
Down, it drips

All I'm left with
Is a streak of
unrequited affection
Hoping it fades someday

But for now, it drys
Giving me the mark
Of unbridled emotions
In the shape
of a caged mourning dove.

Splayed roses
Dying gracefully in their plastic vase
The stale scent of cocoa
Mined from the tropics and shipped
To our disorganised abode

The day is done
The sun sneaks back
Slumped birds rouse

And here I find
That I still
adore you.

Tousled silk sheets
My hands meld
In to yours

You wished for roses
And so it was granted
A dozen or so

You pleaded for our tongues
To tango in unison
but our hips had other plans

You straddled my temptation
And
kept an
Unmatched
Unparalleled  
Rhythm

For us, it is never night
Just the inverse
Of a universe
That was made
For us and our delights

So for our ******
I thank
The Valentines of the past
For allowing
A true Goddess
To find their equal
On earth!

You aren't a rose
Roses decay after a week
But you-
You are something that
Takes death and
Crushes it in your hand
How you do that is magic-
Magic that only you wield

You do not flounder
But rather
You transfix me
I see nothing but you
Aphrodite.

Me and a friend were talking
They asked me
“Is there anything as radiant as the moon?”
I paused
Felt the muscles around my lips spasm and answered
“There is”

We continued walking
They asked me
“Is there anything more blinding than that blistering sun above us?”
I stopped
Felt my pores open their floodgates and answered
“There is, and just as fiery too”

We stopped by a pier and watched as the waves rolled in
They asked me
“Is there anything as gentle as the rocking of those ocean waves?”
I closed my eyes
Felt the sea breeze scent mark me and answered
“There is, and it’s a sight to see”

We said our goodbyes for the evening
But before they left, they asked me
“Are you sure that there is something that is even more radiant, blinding and gentle as mother Gaia?”
I took their hand, clasped it with my own and answered
“There is, and when it grips your soul with its feathered touch, Only then will you understand.”

My chest…
Is on fire
I feel these flames
Gradually make their way
Through my fluctuating state of
Pure joy and **** near dread

I feel these flames
Transform themselves into a
Unstoppable sweltering inferno that
Soldiers through
Burning tunnels and chars’ arteries that
Lead only to
Pure ecstasy and **** near ruin

How my chest, with such a
Enraging inferno that
Threatens to engulf me,
Each intake of breath fanning its heat,
Turning me into my own wicker man
Is able to withstand
Such intensity
Is a mystery that only those
Who have been handed back roses
Will understand.

I’ve written death many letters
But their assistant reads them
And sends them back to me with
Sunflower seeds

I’ve called death many times
But their voicemail tells me
To try again later and
Tells me to eat
Those ******* sunflower seeds

I’ve tried to meet death on many occasions
But their bodyguard always grabs me and
Forces me back in line
But not before shovelling sunflower seeds
Down my windpipe

I will not give up on confronting death
Because they will have to see me
With no assistant or bodyguard or voicemails
And I’ll hand back
Every last one
Of these sickening
Sunflower seeds

I am not a good person
I will not tell you directly
What I am thinking
And I will only vent
To a shadow replica of you

I am not a good person
Nothing you say will
Suddenly cleanse my true nature
That is seeped in mudflats

I am not a good person
I am vile and dreadful
I am nonexistent
I have no true opinion
On anything that is said
I think only of my own struggles
Which are comfort to
one that is as dreary
As I

I am not a good person
I keep telling you
But you don’t believe me
Why? Because I
Smile and belly laugh at
Everything around me?

I am not a good person
I am dishonest
With you and I
And I should be
In hell
For every thought
That has crossed my mind

I am not a good person
So do not fall
For my smiles
I am no angel
But deceit in disguise

Today
I thought about
Your face
And turned
To the shade
Of the lipstick
On your lips
That you wear so well

I savour
The dream-like quality
that your eyes
bequeath me
Their gaze
lulling me
Into addiction

Non-Fiction
No Friction
Everything about you
Gets my attention
I enjoy this
Sensation
And state
Of elation

Today
I thought
About your face
And tomorrow
I'll think of it again
And notice
Something new

Because this is what you do
To a daydreamer
That no longer sings
Of their blues

I am pricked
By bees
Whenever my thoughts
Linger on you

They swarm
My stomach
And sting me
Repeatedly

I know they do it
In self defence
And it hurts like hell

But I've grown accustomed
To their venom
And still keep thinking
Of you,
The pollen
I so desperately need

I called out to the sun
And it burned me
It's damaged my skin
Irreparably

I called out to the sunset
And it soothed my
Scarred skin
But not before reopening
Old wounds

I called out to the moon
And it moistened
My scabby skin
Laying groundwork
For healing

I called out to the sunrise
And it kissed my
Patchy skin
And apologised
For what was about to happen
Again

I keep
Thinking on
An alternate timeline
Where

We order takeaway
You know, your favourite?
And laugh or cry
At how our days went

We sit in front of a TV
Your legs on my lap
And watch what can only be called trash
But it's bliss
And
Feels
Right

We go out
And you show me
Your favourite spots
And then they become my favourite spots
And we enjoy ourselves all over again

We make intense love
Mine and your fingers
Trace each others bodies
And find
Each other's weaknesses
And indulge in our pleasures
All through midnight to sunrise
and sometimes sunset

We fight
Our anger explodes
Yours destroying a piece of my soul
Mine shredding yours with stoic fury

We don't talk for ages
But somehow
I find you
You find me
And we bandage
each other's wounds
Tightly so they heal properly

And we grow old
We grow and we're happy
We've been together for so long
And nothing feels more right
Than being in our own little bubble

I keep doing this
And
I know I should stop
But what if
the possibility
Of this being an actual
reality
Is there?

We are together
It's clear
Never foggy
I feel each moment
I feel each embrace
Each tightening of my chest
It's burned so intensely in my
Mind

Tell me it's true?
Tell me it's not just
A fools daydream.

I know you're sick of this
Sick of this
Confounding admission of
Frustrating nothingness

You wait with baited breath
For my mouth to open
My tongue to unfurl into
Something, Anything

You see glimpses
Of mouthed words
But you never learned to lip read

So you try to cut my tongue
And douse it in stimulants
And for a moment
It wiggles and
Lets out a pitiful cry

however it flops over
Before rolling back and
stiffening

I know you're sick of this
Sick of this
stillness that emits
A raging flurry of emotions
That if you had your way
Would explain
a lot of things

I know you're sick of this
I am too
But saying anything
Destroys everything
And I'm scared
To bare and lose
What this is
Between me
and you

I think you know
where I'm going with this
I'm not in love with you
Honest

I mean yeah
You look exciting and exhilarating
Like the finest of wines in fancy glasses
The best in a dress that happens to be
Red like those songs

I think they're about seduction
Which you encompass
I must stop
Because all I'm doing is
Making my case bad
Look I'm not in love with you
Honest

Sure you
Take my eyes and
Glue them to your breathtaking smile
And other places
That make my imagination
Run wild
I am beguiled
At how I'm still carrying on
But still
I'm not in love with you
Honest

I mean
I enjoy your mind
and everything it decides
To tell me
It soothes me
Knowing that you
Choose me to be the one
That you vent to
It's true
There is no other mind
I'd listen so intently to

But still
I say
I'm not in love with you
Honest

Midnight has called
Me to sleep but
I fight it

This heat
Emanating
Through my skin
I despise it

Two mice
Scatter away
Through darkness
I'm jealous
of them

Midnight has called
But you haven't
Answered my calls
I have to
Accept it

Midnight has gone
And the rising sun
peaks through a red sky
I stare
right at it

The morning sun
Finds its resting place
And shines through my curtains
Leaving me
Exhausted

We spoke awhile ago
You said
“I think it’s time to leave”

I saw off my fingers
Throw them at your face
And scream
“Will these do”

You touch
My heart
And say
“You know those were never enough”

Can you not feel
The warmth of
A thousand summers
Emanate from
My lips

If not
then how about
A dozen caresses
From my lifeblood

If that’s not enough
Then how about
A feather
To test
Against my soul

Though heed this warning:
It will be
devoured
under
such toll

When we speak
Am I foolish
To cut our talks short?

In my mind
I spill and spew
Everything
And nonsense

I would
Love to pick your brains
And listen to every word
That leaves your mouth
To my questions

To hear your thoughts
Would save me
Sleepless endless nights

But I feel-
I know
My words are
Nothing more than
Fodder

A shudder
ripples through me
And though it hurts
When I bid you adieu
You have more pressing things
Than my unsolicited desires

It’s been awhile
Since we last
Touched our minds

Since we had
A link
Where both of our
Words scar each other

I miss carving them
Into your skull
And seeing
Flowers sprout from your chest
In abundance

I miss feeling your words
Dig deep
And pry open my own

I miss that

I hope you’re doing well
And carving another
I hope they enjoy it
Just as much as I did

Let us talk
About how flowers
And Perfume
Are a waste on you
Because your scent
Is already striking
And winsome

I'm liking the way
You never stray
From the moon
And how you gaze
At it's sheer luminescence
Even though you yourself
Outshine it

A blessing
Is what I murmur to you
You say it's not true
But do not be modest
I'm being honest
And the best is
That you
Are the only being
I cherish

In this moment
This very moment
Right now
Here
As my eyes fumble
Before finding yours

I smile
Knowing that you
Are all I could ever hope for

How many of you
Have been told
That you walk
And act
Like another
That isn't you?

How many of you
Have been told
That the way you smile
Makes them reminisce
About an era
That you're sure
You have never taken part in?

How many of you
Have been stopped
Only to see their anguish
That you aren't
Who they thought you were?

How many of you
Have actually started to believe
That you are the one
They think and talk about?
. . .
How long will I be called your name ? Tell me!
How long will I have to bare your scars and burdens? Tell me!
How long will I have to tell people that I am not you? Tell me!
And watch their crestfallen faces
In places I've never been

Will the sun rise
and push you aside
So that I may shine one day?
Maybe

But this cycle never ends
And I brace myself
Everyday
To be called you
Yet again

Have you ever wanted
To write
The most depressing
Of poetry
And bathe in its toxic energy?

I do right now
I want to drown
In its gravitational pull
And down and down and down
To an abyss that treats me well

I write best there
But I'm trying
To come up
and breathe in
lilies and salt-breeze
And to surround myself
In Gaia's nurture

I write best here too
I soar higher
I Chase with Skoll and Hati
Love drums in my mind
Elegance entwined

But I am tested
That pull keeps tripping me
beckoning me
showering me
With it's coquettish smile

But I tie my laces
And gulp back rising bile
And breathe in:
"I love lilies" I exhale

And a petal wilts before me...

How many times
Have I told you
That you are the most enchanting deity
To make me believe
That there is a higher being

That gave my eyes something to admire
A soul as pure as fire
A town crier
you have made of me


Endless adulation
No state of frustration
Emits from your being
Except when I upset you
I swear, It was only teasing
How pleasing your tone

It doesn't idle like mine

I could be shipwrecked
And I'd gladly die of thirst
to hear such euphony

You see?
You are a muse to me
But so much more
Than words
I no longer demur

To these feelings
I give approbation
To our souls
I pray for synchronisation

But above all else
I want mine and your love
To never get lost
in translation

Do you know how hard it is
To write about love?
I have to find words
That others never dream of using
All to describe you

And I need to make it not sound
Like all the other ones
So I rack my brains
Reading dictionaries for days
No wait; Years actually

But every time I find some
I am outdone
By another who feels
The same way I do
For their own significant other

So I say the same words
other's do
But with my own emotions
And hope it gets through
while I scan dictionaries again
Hoping to find new words and synonyms
Just for you

I've placed my thoughts
To pen and paper
And each time
Incoherent nonsense
Stains it

Why is it that whenever
I try to invoke your name
And the emotions you spring
I am left gasping
And grasping
At the wrong words?

Why is it that whenever
I imagine serenity
I see you
Your lips my focus
Your gaze enticing
Both of us on our knees
With heart shaped keys
To our own tranquillity
It's meant to be
I know it

The ink in my pen
Has dried
But my mouth will have to do
What I'm trying to say
Is taboo
But I must say it
Now and not the next day

You are the most stunning of stars
In a desolate world
And I am truly honoured
To be part of yours

So I give you a piece of my essence
And hope to mix it with your own
Jesus, all I'm trying to say
Is that I love you...
Now what do we do?

I have revealed
A lot more of myself
Than any of you realise

I have torn chunks of skin
And revealed a canary in a cage for a heart
It chirps charming words at you
It dances for you
Before being plague with guilt and revulsion
And hiding away
It will come back I promise
At least, that's what I say?

I have scratched away deceit scrape by scrape
and shown only despair
That is still here
And doesn't look
Like it's going anywhere

I rip my fears like hangnails
and leave them to fester
Hoping one day that they heal
But I do not put a band-aid on
Because they will heal, Right?

I have revealed
A lot more of myself
Than any of you realise

But there is so much more
Hidden

But I can not tell you about them
It is forbidden

Until Next year

I've placed Boundaries
On my soul
And feel them
unbinding with each inhale

These Boundaries
On my soul
were a reminder
To be Harsh
To be Callous
Never falter
to cunning actions

These Limitations
Were a safe haven
Long ago
But now
My soul cries

It wants to slash them
and wreck them to oblivion
It wants the waves of the sea to gently rock it to sleep

It wants endearment
and nourishment
It wants to bathe in the moonlight's bliss
And feel passion reignite throughout

But I heed not it's calls
And tug on my limitations Tighter
Knowing that this is what's best
This
is
what's
best

The Screams
of my soul
Are what I deserve

No more
No less

I have shouted in to the void
Words that carry venom
that can **** me in seconds

Words that swirl and swirl
into flattery and mockery
And the void says nothing

Words that strip me bare
My lungs raw
The void flickers for but a moment
But still says nothing I want to hear

I continue to shout
I am wheezing,
fiending for an answer and outcome
I know will never exist

And yet, I persist
For I know these words I've shouted
will make sense
To you
hearing this

You are
Unfamiliar
Yet sinister

I am
Highly strung
Because of your mysterious vapours

You are
Bliss
Yet Terror

I am
Uncertain
and stray further

You are
A white-winged Angel
Yet with a hacksaw for a halo

I am
A Mortal
With a dire soul

You are
Used to these words
Yet you relish in them

I am
New to this tongue
And fumble Wordlessly

You and I are
Nothing Yet everything
In this peculiar territory.

I am made
In the molten flames
Of Olympus

But even now
I am stricken
With a sense of dread

Unease floods me
I could be standing
At the gates of Tartarus
And fighting Cerberus
With chopsticks

But this strong perturbation
Sticks to me
Like fog on a river meander

My skull is oozing icy crystals
Each thought heightened
And though I have never lost
I concede
To a single thought
No, an instinct:
I am prey
And there's nothing I can do.

I shiver
I am but a desolate shell
For this unbearable
Uncompromising
Frankly terrifying  
Abomination that we call
Winter

I distrust the roads
and how they fill with
Insurmountable snow
that blocks my passage
To a world of warmth and vigour

Frosted over window panes
are the bane of my existence
or what little there is
Because I'm frosted inside


no end in sight
And all I have to greet me
Is a jolly man
that on a particular night
Meets me and
Treats me
From evening to midnight

And then he leaves
and for a split second
I will miss the frost
That he befalls me
I will miss the cold icy breath that tickles my chest
and spreads deep into my lungs
Until I remember
That Spring shall keep me company
And then I shiver

Even though the sun is out
It is snowing
Don't you feel
The ever biting
Ever chilling
Ever sneezing
Ever freezing
That is happening?

Even though I feel the sun upon my skin
I shake
Trying to stay awake
From this blistering fate
that awaits
I delegate

Knowing that you shall remedy
This monstrosity
I call an abode
I was warned
oh what woes!

The sun is out
But the cold
Just
Wont
Let
Go

Our time is
Fleeting
We are no longer
In a warm
Safe haven

We are no longer
In each others
Minds

We are no longer
A whole being
But fragments of one
Held together by
Nothing

But now we conform
And veer off trajectory
Knowing that we'll never be
As comfortable as we was
in Orbit

I am content
I lie through my teeth
I am humble still

Today I am
10% unbridled energy
70% lethargy
and 20% apoplectic

Tomorrow I will be
80% lethargy
10% apoplectic
and 10% anguished

But for the future
I hope I am
50% merry
30% informed
and 20% tender

Though I do not know
What tomorrow truly brings
I hope that these predictions
Are as accurate as can be

I've swam the River Styx
It's souls for an ocean
have tried to drag me down
And fuse with my battered and bruised being
But still, I persist

I've waded through Hades Halls
With more souls
bellowing to me day and night
Goading and telling me
"How far will I go?"

I am
Restless and broken
My bones in my arms are no longer bone
but Stone
A price that was paid
But still, I carry on

Hades sees me and stops me
"Rest, rest,go no further!" They roar
I carry on
And they spit at me with distaste
"I will see you soon" they say
I dare not look upon their face

I have travelled through ages
Good and bad
My legs are now more tortoise than hare
But I see it
Just over yonder
"There it is!" I cry
And I falter

"I told you to rest" they say
And I listen
It will have to wait
For one more day...

I have a distaste for crushes
They leave me in a foul mood
But even worse
they leave me a fool

It leaves my feeble heart
thinking it's a rabid dog
chasing a stick on a string
while some higher being
judges me
Knowing that we
were never destined to be
Why do we never see
It's mockery?

I hate crushes
But crushes do not hate me
Am I just weak?
Do I need to steel this feeble heart
So that nothing can tear it asunder?

But I've steeled it many a time
And every occasion
I feel it's eyes on me again

I hate Crushes
But they love me.

When you open your mouth
I am pierced
by cupids bow
all through my core
I become a field
Of blooming poppies

When you open your mouth
My ears ring gentle
To every verse you sing to me
No orchestra can ever hope
to top your melodies

But when you open your mouth
You tell tale of another
that isn't me
and my chest concaves
My heart quiet
I was trapped in an illusion
How disgusting of me

There's something
Strange happening
I feel
A storm within my bones
Like Fire gelded by tongs
Thunder and lightning crashes my home
Turning it to ash that blows over yonder

But I feel at ease
None of these things are stopping me
I am paralysed with dread, I admit
But I'm not about to forfeit or
Forget
That this is what I wanted

I summoned the devil
and he delivered
So now I must react
And deliver everything back
Ten times better