Falling out of love with you
it was a slow process
I wasn't prepared for the feelings
I still had wrapped up in this poem
Receipt still unclear
Just like I wanted

Avoiding certain songs
Memories of how it used to be between us
danced around in my head
I think of our love as a golden heart shaped necklace
that has been preserved
Stashed away to never be open again
the sadness that I felt when I wrote this poem
was truly one where I didn't like facing the truth
but I accepted it eventually
no longer living in denial
I still can't believe how everything unfolded
The anger & sadness
Embracing both at one point
instead of pushing my feelings away
It felt therapeutic to finally not push my feelings
away
The love we had was rare
But the pain I'll always keep in mind
as a reminder to myself
In order to stay strong
For when you finally realize what you lost

I remember when you whispered your wishes to me in the night time
And you let me in
telling me your vulnerabilities one by one  
almost as if you were wanting to be intimate with me but at the time we were too jaded to care
all I could think was maybe in this moment
we’ll be vulnerable and it won’t sting
Months later I was mistaken as the distance between us grew more and more
you were suddenly a stranger to me
It felt weird almost as if I had to act like at one point we weren’t echoing the promises of forever that rolled off our tongues

I've been thinking about a lot of things
And the one thing I don't understand is
Why people throw around the words
''I love you '' and ''I care about you''
In addition to I'll never leave

Before they realize that sometimes life may split them apart
And the distance no matter how many miles
Sometimes can't hold the glue together
So before you try to promise me things
Like we'll move in together and live together
Marriage and everything else similar to that
Slow down first and get to know me as a person

Don't get caught up in what I can do physically
Such as kissing you till we're so out of breath
feeling hazy and the lines of so called love is a blur

Focus on what makes me well me
And what I mean by that is a little bit of small  talk here and there
Such as Favorite Icecream and what are your dreams or What do you want to accomplish in life
Notice how I didn't dive right into personal questions
Or trying to know one's past right off the bat

Because getting to know someone is in small but big stages
Don't rush the process of Hello's and finding a common interest then letting it blossom from there

As you get to know someone
month after month
You learn about their likes and dislikes
What makes them vulnerable
Things that they wouldn't have the courage to say when the sun is up
in the day time
Only the night time

Only when the time is right so to speak
is when you ask whoever it is that you are interested in
Personal questions but not to the point that if you had a fallout with them
Then you couldn't look at them
In the same way again

If you rush things along way too fast
Diving into personal stuff without warning
Then if they suddenly leave you
out of the blue
No questions asked
you're left with their secrets
They know more about you
secret wise
And your left wondering why can't I take all that I said to them
secrect wise back

So before the damage is done
Slow down and get to know each other as a person first

Like how they react when everything isn't going well or in certain life situations such as seeing them mad or upset
Different life situations reveal their true personality or how they will act how several years down the road
something along those lines

But getting back to the point here
Sometimes personality wise
I keep to myself hidden
You might not understand it
But in due time you'll figure out why I do this
and why I am the way I am
Don't fall in love with the gestures
that I might do for you
The stuff I make you
Paragraphs that I'll end up writing you
Pictures
Everything that is involved with being my friend
or dating me

For what I've learned over the years is that if you fall in love too fast
With the gestures that I do
Instead of loving me ad a person
You'll think of me as perfect
Or trying to love me only to get the gestures
For when I grow wary and tired
Of trying to keep you
With the gifts and discontinuing it
Just as a small little test
To determine if you really love me for me
Not what I can make you or get you

And you come up
Empty handed
When  certain life situations expose me as a person
And seeing how I react to the situations
Including my moods
but not limited to the way I do things
your picture perfect version of me
Will shatter

I won't beg you to love me
When I end up ruining
The picture perfect version of your idealized
fantasy of what I am verses who I am in reality

So before you promise me empty things
Or words that you think will keep me
Such as I love you or I care
Get to know me as a individual/ person
Then I'll see for myself if you really love me like you claim too
Or if it was fake love
Only to get the benefits of gifts

Before you utter the words I love you to me
I want you to really think it through first
Don't say it to me if you don't really feel those feelings
Or love towards me
Because if you say it without meaning
I'll be fooled into thinking
you actually care

Keep this in mind before you tell me
Will you love me in difficult times and situations
Where I'll be tempted to push you away
Or have some time alone with myself
When I'm reminded of my past and need reassurance
Mostly life situations where I tend to want to push you away
Or need space just for breathing room
If you don't love me because of what I've just mentioned above
Then don't tell me

Another thing is throughout the getting to know each other as a person stage
If feelings change
Don't delay telling the person that your feelings for them  have changed
For if you wait much longer to tell them
You'll ruin their trust
and cause them to think something is wrong
but I can't pinpoint it

Afterwards the person will have to work on self reflection and dealing with the woes
Of the lesson known as heartbreak

But most of all take it day by day
With a grain of salt
- Lessons on self reflecting and loving someone

It seems so strange
That out of the blue
You wanna say hello
Isn't it strange that no matter
How much time has passed
You still act brand new
As if I forgot the lessons you put me through
You were quick to love me
But then again we were attracted to each other
like magnets
The flame that was once alive
Burned out like the gasoline in my car
I hate the fact that I still remember all of the words you told me at one point in time
Talking about how we were going to last forever
a future that included you loving me
and countless other promises
that you never intended on keeping
I remember the pain of you hurting me emotionally
the feelings i tried to brush off
hiding them
to where you couldn't tell that I had gone through heartbreak
Skipping a couple verses to say
You weren't my first love
might've thought you were
But honestly the way you went on and on throwing around the three little words
But you and I both know
That if you truly loved me
I wouldn't have gone through the heartbreak
which was hidden in the way you said '' I love you ''
'' I care about you ''
''I won't hurt you ''

As If I'd let you back in
to go through the heartbreak again
You're apart of my past for a reason
so with that being said
goodbye