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Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
Rainy night, rock bottom
Wet hair, red eyes
Clouded mind, alcohol

I trusted you
I loved you
You threw me away

Two weeks of distance
All it took

I chose you
Every day
For one and a half years

You told me I was the love of your life
What happened

Where’d you go
Lies
Other guys

Who the **** are you
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
exotic
caring
warm
divine

toxic
tearing
horns
malign

trust
reli­ef
summer
eyes

lust
grief
thunder
lies
7:14 pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
Shadows of rainbows in the night sky
Crimson clouds bleeding nocturnal tears
Heavenly angels drop like holy rain
As smoke swallows moonlit terrain
The fires of war are feasting
On the victims of contested domain

As the dead rise
And the living suffer their last breath
Masked shadows dance
Unbothered in the face of death

They sing
And shout
And cry
For they know
When the clouds pass
Dawn is nigh.
10:24 pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
who's got brown hair that blows in the wind
who's got a split tongue and tattoos of their sins
who's got a bright smile that splits suns to their core
who's got the fortuitous gift to drift sailors ashore

el diablo
el diablo

who's got brown eyes that twinkle and shine
who's got a fiery cage that traps and confines
who's got a presence so warm it emanates spells
who sits on a throne in the temples of hell

el diablo
el diablo
1:02 am
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
The longest week of my life
Every day passed like a dreadful crawl
I look down and I see vast clouds
I look around and I see masked crowds
And I fly above it all

The butterflies in my chest
They do their best to escape
They claw and press against my ribs
Until it’s all been crushed to bits
And I become one with fate

I keep the flame lit
Because otherwise there just isn’t enough
You’re the girl who showed me the world
You’re the girl who makes my stomach curl

But most importantly

You’re the girl who forgot how to love.
2:54 pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
You’re leaving soon
Each minute lasts a lifetime
I want you to stay
You have different plans
I love you so

The pain in my chest
The lump in my throat
The tears in my eyes
I don’t want you to go
11:12 am
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
I want you to leave
But don’t go away
I’m not able to breathe
I want you to be okay

Don’t worry about me
You’ve made up your mind
It cannot be
I’ve lost the love of my life

Your presence soothes my heart
You lying next to me hurts
I don’t want to play my part
Throw my heart in the dirt

Stay but don’t be here
This pains me so much
Whisper your thoughts in my ear
But don’t stay in touch

I want to talk every day
But don’t want to hear your voice
I don’t feel betrayed
You’ve made your own choice
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
On a warm summer’s day
I looked at your smile
Curly brown hair dancing in the wind
Your eyes reflecting the warmth of the sun
I could hear my heart sing a song
Of how I hadn’t felt so content in a while

You walked over and gave me a hug
I felt safe and at home
And then I opened my eyes
And realized
How nothing changed
And I was still all alone.
Woke up dreaming of how she was back in my arms.
7:22 am
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
My head on a pillow and so is hers
We share a bed again
We cried all day
Trying to relieve the pain

My legs covered by a blanket and so are hers
Why are we sharing a bed again
We hugged all day
Tears flowed like rain

My torso on a mattress and so is hers
She forgot the love she had for me
We talked all day
And I burdened her with my misery

My phone in my hand yet she is asleep
Is there hope after all?
We both are scared and lost
I don’t want to drag her down as I fall.
11:03pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
Poems emerge from the darkest of moments
Never have I seen someone so happy they write
I only sit down and think of these words
On nights and days when it hurts

Poems exist as a means to cope
With pain so intense it grants inspiration
The greatest of poets lived the worst of lives
But a pen and a paper aren’t enough to survive.
8:44 am
Fantasio Milian Nov 2020
I’m a prisoner to my own mind
The key is nowhere to be found
My surroundings bear great trouble
Yet the real issues reside within

I cannot close my eyes
For what I see
Keeps the sandman away
He fears the prison too

It crawls underneath my skin
A throat made of sand
Dry coughs clawing their way out
Disturbing the ones blessed with silence
11:54 pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
It all started with a purple crystal on a necklace
And now it’s ending with one too
I gave you mine when we were in love but parted
Now I’ll give you back yours as your love has faded

You’re my greatest achievement
You’re my greatest regret
I will love you forever

You are my purple crystal
And I will keep you in my heart
Forever
Forever.
10:46 am
Red
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
Red
I look back at our past
And see the devil’s footprints in the sand
Violent waves have washed away
The tears I shed
While all you did
Was sharpen your horns

With the skull on your scepter
You turned my head like an owl
My love was a gentle candle
And you made the fire spread
I am engulfed by venomous flames
And all I see is red.
8:16 pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
False promises of the rising sun
With a libation of blood
The unity of the divine
Search for a successor
As the eye of Horus
Lost sight of the sky

In pursuit of enlivening the afterlife
The Atef crown was deprived of its shine.
7:37 pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
I met someone new today
Perhaps I shouldn’t have done it
Perhaps it’s exactly what I needed
You hurt me so
And just for tonight
I found comfort in the arms of the girl with the yellow coat
2:05 am
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
There she is lying on top of my bed
Heart aching, confusion taking up space inside of my head
Why is she here I ask
I know I am not up to this task
I fear that her love for me is dead

I have never felt emotions so pure
Love is a sickness without a reliable cure
I am in a place I cannot call home
But once I leave I’ll too be alone
I just cannot escape her allure

She proposed a break from all our stress
And I agreed as I as well was a mess
But the pain it caused is worse than before
The lord of pain has kicked down my door
And now I shall live with all my regret

Oh why is she here I ask again
It is too difficult for me to pretend
That I am fine with having her here
I do my best to cover my tears
Yet I fear this may really be the end

I’m hanging on to the hope that I have
All the times I made her smile and laugh
Forever ingrained in my memories
But my thoughts are my greatest enemies
And they will lead me down a dark path

A path so evil and twisted
I just wish our story had never existed
Because to have loved and lost is worse than to have never loved at all
I’ve lost control, free fall
I never should’ve agreed to risk it.

I love you.
Background: Girlfriend of 1.5 years and I started long distance two months ago. A bit less than a month ago we both agreed to take a break. 6 days later I called her and voiced my regret and told her I’d visit in three weeks. Three weeks have passed and I’m in her city. We met up yesterday and hung out. I picked up my stuff and left. Once again I realized I loved her more than anything and want her back. I go to her place at night. We talk outside and she said to get over me she focused on all the bad in our relationship, and boy did she do a good job. Now she is unsure about me. She tells me if it wasn’t for COVID and long distance we’d still be together. Well, I want to be together again now. I told her I want to close the distance and move to her city in two months. Now she is here in my airbnb, sleeping in my bed. It feels cold, like two strangers sharing a mattress. I don’t know why she’s here. It’s 7:34 AM and I’ve moved to the couch as I’ve barely slept.
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
This reality I’m living appears so surreal
The dreams that pass by have no real appeal
There are no clean methods that may conceal
The shards of my heart that may never heal

To face what I feel, I’ll have to do
What you have accomplished quite out of the blue
So overnight I’m forced to face what’s true
And let go of the life I’ve built with
                                                                ­                                                 you.
11:01 pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
I'm so deep in denial

I just want to wake up

Or never wake up again.
3:29 pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
What if
                    you hadn't forgotten
                                                       ­            the love
                                                                                           you felt for me.
Would we
                                 be happy
                                                           ­     or feel
                                                            ­                                 trapped.
9:11 pm
Fantasio Milian Oct 2020
The girl I loved is dead.

Yet your body still wanders these streets.
2:32 pm

— The End —