There she is lying on top of my bed
Heart aching, confusion taking up space inside of my head
Why is she here I ask
I know I am not up to this task
I fear that her love for me is dead
I have never felt emotions so pure
Love is a sickness without a reliable cure
I am in a place I cannot call home
But once I leave I’ll too be alone
I just cannot escape her allure
She proposed a break from all our stress
And I agreed as I as well was a mess
But the pain it caused is worse than before
The lord of pain has kicked down my door
And now I shall live with all my regret
Oh why is she here I ask again
It is too difficult for me to pretend
That I am fine with having her here
I do my best to cover my tears
Yet I fear this may really be the end
I’m hanging on to the hope that I have
All the times I made her smile and laugh
Forever ingrained in my memories
But my thoughts are my greatest enemies
And they will lead me down a dark path
A path so evil and twisted
I just wish our story had never existed
Because to have loved and lost is worse than to have never loved at all
I’ve lost control, free fall
I never should’ve agreed to risk it.
I love you.
Background: Girlfriend of 1.5 years and I started long distance two months ago. A bit less than a month ago we both agreed to take a break. 6 days later I called her and voiced my regret and told her I’d visit in three weeks. Three weeks have passed and I’m in her city. We met up yesterday and hung out. I picked up my stuff and left. Once again I realized I loved her more than anything and want her back. I go to her place at night. We talk outside and she said to get over me she focused on all the bad in our relationship, and boy did she do a good job. Now she is unsure about me. She tells me if it wasn’t for COVID and long distance we’d still be together. Well, I want to be together again now. I told her I want to close the distance and move to her city in two months. Now she is here in my airbnb, sleeping in my bed. It feels cold, like two strangers sharing a mattress. I don’t know why she’s here. It’s 7:34 AM and I’ve moved to the couch as I’ve barely slept.