sometimes i need to see
that life isn't going to be this fantasy.

eventually i'm going to wake up from this dream and i don't know what will be worse after that, staying awake and living reality or going back to sleep and you being my nightmare.

the clock is ticking, the sand is spilling
and i'm just hoping time doesn't run out.

sometimes speaking no words at all
says much more,
is even louder
than trying to explain yourself.

i thought you at least had the decency to end it all.
you hurt me in every way possible.
you stabbed me
right in the back.
you suffocated me
with every single word you whispered.
you slapped me
with the biggest wake up call
of finding out you lied all along.
you choked me
up with the strings of slander
that you spoke with so much sincerity.
you poisoned me
with your sickening medicine
named false hopes.
but for some reason
you believed it was okay
to leave me here struggling.
i have no scars of proof
but i do have one broken heart.
that hurts like ******* hell.
maybe if i'm lucky i won't recover.
silly me for thinking
that if you took me this far
you would have just killed me.
i've never heard of something so cruel:
letting me live.

I hate the way tears dry on my cheeks.

You're done crying
But you still have the reminder of the pain.

I hate the way I go talk to my friends
And they have no idea
That when I smile
I can still feel the salt from my tears.

I hate that feeling of the salt
Because I know I could still trace the way the water once fell.

I hate the way tears dry on my cheeks.

The best advice I can give you
Is that nothing lasts forever.

Because one day you're going to be dead and one day maybe long after that, but sometimes not, the idea of you is going to die. People are going to forget who you are and one day someone will say your name for the last time.

That's scary but at the same time it gives me peace.
Peace to know that every mistake I make,
Will at one time never matter.

Some time from now every thing, great or small, will not matter.

I was just one mark on the world and one day I'm going to fade away.

Just as the rest of us.

I am beginning to get this new feeling.
I don't have much of a way to describe it.
But it's this combination of love and compassion -- wanting to help others.
Mixed with this craving of being alone and giving a rudeness to all.

Recently I think I've found myself,
but I'm sad to admit that I don't like the people I am.

I have found that I am two entirely different persons.
I am a walking hypocrite.

I'll catch myself doing something that later I will judge others for.

One of me is kind, caring and wanting to make a difference.
But the other wants to leave behind all of this and get away from everyone.

Why can't I find my happy medium?

There's a devil and an angel making my decisions but why can't I find the body that fits between that makes the right decision for me.

Why can't I do what's right for me?
What do I want though?

Who am I?