Pitiful medications do not work
Each day that passes gets worse
My soul did not heal but rather stayed the same

Lord, My Lord you have forsaken me
You have rejected my prayers
And laughed at my tribulation

Lord, Lord you saw everything
Yet you sat there and watched
With your wine in the holy grail

Lord, I have lost my faith
You are not benevolent
Those verses spoke lies

In the brink of death it was not you that I saw
But it was rather the devil that comforted me
Yet I was still loooking for you

You have abandoned me, in my isolation I've lost my sanity
Hatred became my dearest friend
Grievance was now my lover.

With this I no longer knew nor understood my self
I was now torn between praying or dying
Would I go back to your arms? Or continue my resentment towards you?

You are poison
Hidden in the holy grail
I willingly drank
I fully submit to you

Make me bleed darling
Drink my blood
It is all yours

Suffocate me darling
Take my warm breath away
Keep it for your self

Blind me darling
Engulf the truth
I have acquiesced your will

Deafen me darling
Your sweet lies will be my music
I gave into you

You are poison
That given me pain
I gladly conceded
I am your possession

Today,
I breathed
And exhaled.
I closed my eyes
And felt the cool wind.
I now remember what peace felt
And saw what a calm ocean looks like.
I bathed in the pouring rain
And shed tears of gold.
I asked myself, if this is real
And immediately knew the answer.
I wished for time to stop
And savor such a rare moment

T.W: self-harm




For long I have wondered
How cold the sharp blade would feel against my skin
And how red the droplets of blood is

For long I have wondered
How painful a cut on the wrist feel
And would it be as painful as my emptiness

For long I have wondered
How rough the thick rope would feel around my neck
And if it could withstand my weight

For long I have wondered
If I get lost would they be in chaos?
And would they never forget my existence

Sabi nila sa iyong tahanan ka tatahan
Ngunit bakit ay luha ko'y natigil sa piling ng aking kaibigan?
Siguro'y dahil ang mga nasa tahanan ay hindi ako naiintindihan
Kaya't sa iba ako nakakahanap ng kapayapaan

Mga salitang inyong nilalabas
Kala ninyo tama nguti ito'y tumataliwas
Ito'y nakakawala ng lakas
Kaya naman gusto ko nang tumakas

Mother, mother
You know nothing
You do not know my darkest days
And nights driven by insomnia

You aren't aware of my self hatred
Nor my paranoia and anxiety
And how sorrow ate me slowly
As I lay in my bed silently weeping

I believed that you neglected me
Because I felt alone
I was in the ocean in the middle of the storm
High waves almost sunk my boat

You have read my poems
They were portals to my sufferings
Sorrowful words filled my work
Yet you still knew nothing

4 years of agony
My demons visit me frequently
They hunt me in my darkest nights
Not even the moon could shine

Mother, mother
You have forsaken me
And blamed me for my own sufferings
You didn't understand