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Sep 15 · 86
Weeping Willow
Estelline Sep 15
It’s a calm summer’s night
The sun is setting just right
A few rays
poking through the blanket of clouds
Waving goodbye to the hills
Till they meet again
Bright and early
The next day

The birds sing songs of love
In the trees above
Notes float down below
And twirl around
Whispering into my ears

They always sing like no one's listening
Pouring out their souls to the golden sky
I wish I could sing
Without feeling the need to hide
Or being shy
Ah, but that’s just not what I do

I just station myself
Under the weeping willow
I can feel the leaves faint embrace
As I raise my hand
To feel it’s elegance
Draping down, grazing the ground

Why does it weep I wonder…
Was it left behind and forgotten?
Ah, but yet so many know of it

Is it jealousy?
Torn from the inside as it feels a burning anger
And despair
Reaching out, trying to quiet a hurricane of destructive thoughts
Before they tear such a lovely tree apart?

Well we shall never know
But we will always stare in awe
Seeing such a graceful tree
Inspire us all.
Sep 9 · 109
Untitled
Estelline Sep 9
Immense insecurities  
Cloud my mind
Like a dark patch of fog
Leaving joy hard to find

It sticks to my eyes
I can’t see past my hands
And buzzes around me like a swarm of flies
I choke on my words
As they get covered with doubt
I cough them out
For all to see

It feels so hard
To be free
Even though it’s right in front of me
I hate myself
For thinking this way
I wish my demons
Would just walk away

I don’t want to feel
Like I’m just a drag
Like I should pack my bag
And leave, never to be seen again

Ah, who knew a little cloud
Could make the screams so loud
Here I lay while it covers me
I don’t know long it’ll be

But please don’t leave
Can you love
The broken version of me?
Sep 6 · 86
Untitled
Estelline Sep 6
Crashed down onto my bed
I lay there
Feeling slightly dead
A million thoughts running around in my head
What should I do?
I’m afraid the monsters will break through my walls
And chase me down the halls
Or maybe they’ll come creeping out of the closet
When I least expect it
They’ll rip away my joy
It’s happened all too many times before.
Sep 4 · 115
The world in view
Estelline Sep 4
Staring out
from my bedroom window
I can see a world below
It’s a seemingly pale place

Sketched onto walls and alley’s
Are the hopeless ideas
Dreamt up in the mind of ghosts

You’d be lucky to ever catch a glimpse of them
They always manage to go unnoticed
Dare I start to get envious

And sometimes it’s the names of two in love
Having fun
Looking onward with hope
At life's new path

But has their loved died I wonder
divided, crashing into the mess below
Were they lucky enough
To hold each other in the depths
Of which this world can pull you in
And make it out?

Ah, but why think and pout
About a thing you can’t change
I must arise from this poor excuse of good posture
Grab an umbrella
To shield from the pouring rain of life
And head out

Later, can I stop by your place?
We can talk about life
So what if we get into a little strife
In the end I know it’ll be alright
With your arms around me
There’s no place I’d rather be.
Aug 27 · 126
Untitled
Estelline Aug 27
Can’t it just be us
Cause I need you close
When I can’t stand on my own

I’d like to sit with you
tucked away in the shadows
Hidden from outside eyes
Feeling the warmth of blankets
Piled high against the wall
Blocking out the cold

I’ll tell you my secrets
And you can tell me yours
Along with your hopes and dreams
No, I won’t judge

In fact we have all night
So take your time
Till it feels just right
While we wait
I have some ice cream and fudge
Aug 25 · 861
Hiding
Estelline Aug 25
The tears will fall, I can’t hold them back forever
I’m no superhero
So please don’t stand and stare
Telling others to beware
I’m just a little frail
Here and there
But I promise I’ll smile when they come near
They can’t hear what goes on inside
They’ll walk by thinking it’s fine.
Aug 25 · 269
Untitled
Estelline Aug 25
Sometimes I can’t help but feel a bittersweet joy
When I see two souls in love
It’s truly a gift from above
To find the one that holds on
Even when the others are gone
They see your beauty
When if it’s stained with dirt
They’ll love you even when you’re hurt
Aug 25 · 166
Untitled
Estelline Aug 25
It’s complex, the reason why I can’t rest at night
Can’t stop thinking about what someone said
Or oh I forgot to wash the bed
I always forget things
You’d think it’d be easier to forget the pain
But like a stain
It won’t go away
I make mistakes
They replay every day
I’m not perfect
Wish I could erase my flaws
But then what would I be?
Aug 19 · 215
Untitled
Estelline Aug 19
I say I won’t do it again
But it always repeats no matter how hard I try
I’m trying hard to get by
I just want a break
Something to stop this pain
Because I’m not that strong
I’ve broken too many times
There’s not much of me left

Why do I have to be so depressed?
I’m not very impressed with myself
Whenever I get like this
Where can I find bliss?

Maybe on top of a big mountain
I could breathe all the fresh air
With the wind blowing through my hair
But I’d settle for just a hill

Because all I see now is the ground
So flat and dry
Maybe this is where my life is bound
Unless there’s a beauty I can’t see.
Aug 18 · 141
Untitled
Estelline Aug 18
I just need a quiet place
where it’s only me
to sit and think
but when I blink
I see it all again, it never leaves

It’s the ghosts of the past
Of when everything ended so fast
I never had time to breathe
And even now I’m suffocated

If you could see into my lonesome mind
A closed off place
With low lighting
Cracked by words
And decorated with healed over scars
Maybe you’d know why I think this way
Or maybe it’d make it worse
Would you still love me for every mistake?

So here I sit in my quiet place
Not as great as I thought
But maybe I’m safer this way
I wish I could imagine what it’s like
To have your arms around my waist
Holding me closer while I fade away.
Aug 8 · 155
Untitled
Estelline Aug 8
Standing knee deep in blizzards
I can feel as tears from the sky
Sting my face
The cold piercing through my vest to my chest
I can feel my hands become numb

Oh, but let me dance in its sadness
To forget my sorrows
And chase the tears as they fall

Like the darkness that chases my mind
It shall never stop
Till I drop.
Aug 2 · 399
Untitled
Estelline Aug 2
You can tell me
You don’t love me
And I’ll just say
Oh, that’s quite alright
Because after so many rough nights
Of feeling detached
Lost somewhere in my mind
I’ve realized
While some say
“Oh, you’re too much!”
I know I’m never enough.
Aug 1 · 134
Untitled
Estelline Aug 1
(Sigh)
Oh, how I cry
Knowing you’d never love me
I thought maybe once…
We could have been more
But I was only living a dream
And when I awoke
My heart broke

I found shattered on the bed
Guess I’ll go through this once again
Of learning to love
And letting go

Trying to glue it back together
But all I see is my fall
While the other girl
Takes it all.
Jul 31 · 1.5k
Untitled
Estelline Jul 31
Sometimes the world drifts out of few
And all you see is you
Standing in the rain
Feeling the pain
But you don’t always have to be tough
Hear me when I say, you’re enough

When you make a mistake
That’s okay
We’ve all been there
I mess up every day

Sure, you have your flaws
As do well all
But you care when others would just stare
You give a hand even when you’re feeling bad
And try to be fair

You can play the guitar
Write real well
And let’s be fair
You’re also pretty tall xD
wrote this for a friend lol
Jul 30 · 299
Untitled
Estelline Jul 30
Sometimes when I sit all alone
In the darkness of my mind
I see what all I hide
And I just ask myself why
Why do I cry when I have no one by my side
Is it because I’m just weak inside?

I can sit at parties
And talk with my buddies
Laugh at the stupid things
While we all call ourselves kings
But I’m sometimes relieved when it ends
Oh how I do love my friends
But I’m just not like them
I don’t seem to fit in so well

Maybe it’s the sadness I feel
Making it all seem a bit unreal
My feelings just all blend
Sometimes I wish I were dead

And why must I be tortured so
With cupid's little bow
Some say love is magic
But I’d say it’s quite tragic
And well…
Some would say I’m just being too dramatic

But there it is
A feeling seeming to never leave me
I’ve given up on what to call it
So I call it life
And it cuts me with a knife
Geez can’t you give me a break.
Jul 28 · 119
Untitled
Estelline Jul 28
Sitting at my computer
Watching the time go by
Why doesn’t it fly
Instead it just ticks by ever so slowly
At slug pace

It must just be
My anxiety
Creeping up from behind
While I’m worrying about you

Gosh, what should I do?
But I guess there is nothing to be done
I said what I could
Now it’s up to the clocks
But I’m not very patient
I can feel my stomach drop

It was just an argument
How bad could it be…
But my mind only sees
All the fatalities
Would it be all my fault?
I hate all this drama
Causing trauma

But soon it came to an end
And you returned
Seeming unburned
Saying it was all good
What a relief
I know I shouldn’t have been so worried
But it can get messy with a third party
Now, I hope you all are better for it :)
Jul 27 · 638
Untitled
Estelline Jul 27
I know that the true demons
Roar inside
It’s a perfect place to abide
Out of sight
And out of mind
Until they start to shine

Because when I took a fall
I had to crawl
Till I found a way
I was lost and forgotten
A mess of sorts

When I had healed
Then all heads reeled
Only then did they care
But I needed them
When I was down
But that’s when they just stared
And made me feel like a clown.
Jul 27 · 219
Untitled
Estelline Jul 27
Please don’t ask me
Oh, do you remember when…
The thing is
How could I have forgotten?

I remember
getting close and taking a chance
While watching you grow
Like a vine amongst many
Why care just about you?
“Others are better”
If only you saw what I did

But I guess I just didn’t make the cut
I wasn’t enough
I was tossed out
Faster than a bomb
On the raging battlefield

But you kept her close
And held her closer

And then I remember…
Feeling a cold breeze
In the dead of night
I’ve lost the fight.
Jul 26 · 510
Untitled
Estelline Jul 26
Maybe I could dance
To try to forget your pretty face
Cause you’re the only thing I think of
Every day
Every hour

I wonder why
You have such power
What was it
That made me fall so hard?

Maybe it’s that smile
It’s hard to forget
Getting tattooed into my mind
No matter what I do
I find everything leads back to you
Do you think of me too?
Jul 26 · 301
It's You
Estelline Jul 26
They’ll tease and joke
And give a poke
Begging me to tell
I’ll say it’s no one
But It’s always been you

Although you don’t know
My thoughts of you never leave
It feels like more than a dream
When my eyes dance around yours
I feel as if I could stare all day

Oh but look at me go on
I don’t know what gets into me
If only love was a disease
Then I could give it to you
And maybe you’d love me too

I try to wrap my head around your thoughts
But why must you make it so hard?
I’d give anything to know what you think
But I love it when you tease
The smiles you bring
Are such a precious thing

I think we could go far if we tried
But I know you’ll never see me that way
So these are just more of the things
You’ll never know
They’ll be forever a secret
Kept inside my soul.
Jul 24 · 138
Untitled
Estelline Jul 24
Isn’t it funny
How I could remember your favorite joke
But you can’t remember what I last said
It makes me quite sad
Being so easily forgotten
Must have just been a boring conversation
Next time will be better
I’ll whisper to calm the pain inside

But here we are again
Same situation
never changing
Even though I try
I’m waiting on you
Always waiting…

So the next time I won’t move first
To see what you do
And of course…
You never pull through
So don’t act like you care
When I needed you to be here.
Jul 22 · 264
Pain within me
Estelline Jul 22
There’s a darkness deep within
That shadows over my happy thoughts
It rushes through and through
I feel there’s nothing I can do

And there’s a fire that burns my soul
Casting flames onto my eyes
The tears will never subside

It burns through to my skin
And leaves holes in my mind
Well, I’ll just cover up with a sweater
So no one can see in

But even with the flames
I can still feel a coldness
Seeping through my veins
Making my brain freeze
And my heart turns to ice

It isn’t very nice
Feeling this way
The only one you truly hate
Is who you’ve become
You burn up in rage
And become cold to avoid the pain.
Jul 21 · 174
Untitled
Estelline Jul 21
I bet you remember
When I used to sing and dance
And tell myself it just in the past

But that was before
I saw the melting of gold
As it turned into nothing more
Then a pile of useless metals

The flames heating from anger
And despair
Start to reach the ceiling
They burn right through
Turing souls into ashes

The ashes get scattered across seas
They become nothing
Even to the bees
They’re smaller than fleas
We become nothing
I am nothing.
Jul 20 · 68
Untitled
Estelline Jul 20
It’s a hard truth to except
After having this concept
Of thinking you’d care
But life isn’t fair
So here I lay in despair
Hearing the splashing of waves
Hitting against the caves
That tunnel deep inside my mind
It’s quite a mess in there
So do beware
If you start to stare
You might see right through
And get caught when you do.
Jul 20 · 193
Untitled
Estelline Jul 20
Another lonely night
But I bet you’re feeling alright
It’s just me who lies awake
Watching as wishes
Are cast among the stars

I can see the fairies dance
It seems like such a peaceful place
Way up there in space
But like my dreams
It’s unreachable
I can only stand in awe
As I try to comprehend it all

Sometimes I’d like to think
They must know me too!
But just like you
they don’t
And there’s nothing I can do
They’ll fly on by
I’ll lie here and cry
Asking myself “why?”

Why does it have to be like this?
Why don’t you notice me
Can’t you see how much I need you?
Well maybe you do
I just wish you needed me too…
Jul 19 · 363
Won't you look my way?
Estelline Jul 19
I just need a little love
But you fly by like a dove
Why don’t you ever land?
You make it so I can’t ever get close
But just a stroke
Of your white coat
Would make me smile
I’ll follow you for miles
If that’s what it takes
Just for you to look my way
I'd love to hear you say "hey"
Jul 19 · 285
Untitled
Estelline Jul 19
Never enough
Always failing
And always falling
Like a rushing waterfall
I keep on going
Never stopping
Till the end
But when is it the end?

I wish it would be the end of my mistakes
And heartbreaks
But I know it’s just the beginning
I may never get it right
Others have their head on their shoulders
I don’t know how they do it...

Deep down it’s just a twisted mess
Knotted into my mind
Are just the same old lies
I can’t ever hide

Just one hug
Would make my day
A knowing look into my eyes
I can’t be the only one
Who is hanging by a thread.
Jul 11 · 203
Here For You
Estelline Jul 11
They all say they’re fine
But meanwhile they crossing the line
The line that’s often so fine
It goes deep inside my mind
Making me wonder
What’s hidden behind those eyes?
Is it just lies
Like others would assume
Or something more?

You’ve wore the same smile for days
But it's all weighing you down
Every time you blink
What do you think?
Can you see what’s lost…
Or do you see everything you got?

I know it’s not a lot
When I tell you that I care
And that I don’t want you to bear this
All alone
But it’s from the heart
You can let down your guard
You don’t need it with me.
Jul 8 · 567
Untitled
Estelline Jul 8
Sometimes I wish I could slip away
Between the thickets
Lost somewhere in the woods
No one would know the way
I would never be found

I could dance with the crickets
Sing songs till dawn
Tell them stories of before
About how much I used to adore you

What else do I have to talk about anyway?
Never done much of anything
Too busy drowning in rivers of doubt
That I created
Jul 5 · 269
Untitled
Estelline Jul 5
Am I in love with you
Or just in love with the game?
If it’s nothing more
Then a small time fling
Why do you still give me butterflies?
They flutter all up inside
Making me choke on my words
Is love the feeling of wanting to die?
Maybe I could capture them all
And cut off their wings
So they couldn’t fly sky high
It’s a shame to see them fall
Such a beautiful thing is now gone
But I’m free from your hand's frigid grasp
It’s all a faint memory from the past
Jun 30 · 189
Untitled
Estelline Jun 30
I feel like I’m losing touch
Of a deeper meaning
It’s all becoming too much
Can you tell I’m leaning?
Leaning towards the end
It’s a steep fall after the bend

All this hate others can give
But what’s it all for
There’s no more forgiveness
When I look into their eyes
It’s just an empty hole
With a few bee hives
Don’t get too close
Or you’ll feel the sting
Destroying what's left of the love you bring

There is hope
It’s growing so faint
Like a flickering light
In the darkness of the night

But don’t let go
You can still grow
Into something that blooms
Within a garden of thorns
Jun 29 · 126
Bananas
Estelline Jun 29
They’re long like a cucumber
But yellow like the sun
And for some
It lights up their faces with joy
After all, who could resist such a neat treat?

You can eat it on the go
Or eat it real slow
It can be mashed into bread
Or put on your head

It would make some grimace
It’s not loved by everyone
But it can be lots of fun
To slice it real thin
Throw it onto ice cream
And dive right in.
Jun 22 · 365
Untitled
Estelline Jun 22
Blood drips from my lips
Picking the from the stress
Almost took it too far
What a mess

And the cuts on my thighs
I could cut till I die
It’s not a bad solution
I could end my disillusion
Jun 22 · 147
Untitled
Estelline Jun 22
When you first meet me
You may think
She must be loved by so many
And have a lot of close friends
Or you might think
She's a loser
She won’t get anywhere
No one probably loves her

You are correct if you thought the last one
I’m sick of everyone saying how awesome I am
Then why don’t I have anyone?
Don’t lie and sugar coat it
I’m sick of people lying
And hiding the truth
Why am I never good enough?
I would of cut my wrists
If I didn’t care about the ones around me…
Sometimes I regret not doing it

I'm the milk in ice cream
all they see is ice cream
and not the milk it took to make...
uhh more of a rant ik it's not that good but I have nothing else
Jun 21 · 285
An unspoken love
Estelline Jun 21
There’s a battle tossing around in my mind
But I know I’ve lost it
Since you’ve slipped into my dreams
Slowly turning them into nightmares
I was gasping for air
How is this fair?

You seem so unaffected
Maybe it’s because you’ve always been so disconnected…
Tossing truth out the window
It went from a hundred to zero
You know I wanted you to be my hero
I loved you
But when I told you how I felt
It had long been overdue

So maybe it’s my fault
I should have held you all those nights you would lie awake
I should have told you what you meant to me
But now I just hold a blanket at night
While I’m the one lying awake.
Jun 20 · 387
Untitled
Estelline Jun 20
You could win the heart
Of the one with the popular name
You’d get all the fame
And learn how to play their little game
With marked cards
In the beginning it was fun
But now you have no one
Where have they all gone?
They all left to get a life
One that goes beyond being fake.
Jun 20 · 1.7k
Untitled
Estelline Jun 20
You’re the type of person
Who can make rain into a rainbow
And darkness into light
But you can also turn tears into a flood
And here I am drowning
Jun 17 · 243
Untitled
Estelline Jun 17
It’s been a few months now
And I don’t know how
To get you out of my mind
I would have paid to get you removed
Like a tattoo
But you’re so much more precious
Do I really want to let you go?

I could sit outside for hours
While the sun hitting the trees
Slowly fades
Sinking behind the horizon
But every second
Would still be all about you

I wonder if you think of me ever
If I asked you
It would be never
Because there’s not much to dream of with me
Just like the seasons that fade
I fade away in people's minds

But I’ll remember the moment  
We danced for hours
You’re hand in mine
I wonder why you did it
If it wasn’t for love
Then what was it for?
Jun 16 · 410
Untitled
Estelline Jun 16
Not even a whisper for my tears that fall
Yet I can hear you laughing down the hall
What do I do so wrong
That you would love them more.
Jun 15 · 387
Untitled
Estelline Jun 15
Why talk to me
And say I’m cool
Just to leave me be
Thinking I was just a fool
To think you’d care
Just like before I must of
Slipped up somewhere

I’m not perfect
But I try more than others know
And it’s not easy
To be so insignificant
(you could have said hi)
It creates a burning feeling inside
I wish I could cut it out
Even if it’d mean I’d die

What should I do?
I’ll just remain here
Suffering
Maybe one day it’ll end
Or be too much for me
And I’ll end it myself.
Jun 14 · 163
Untitled
Estelline Jun 14
Life can feel so long
Like the cold winter days
That seem to go on and on
The touch of others can make you freeze
With the hate for you they hide beneath

It’s all of these things
That can make you doubt
What life is all about

But maybe you’re forgetting...
How much of a blessing
It really is

Because life can also seem short
When we’re in the mists of joy
My my, how time can fly!
Why must it end?

And the touch of others
Can bring a spark to your soul
Like a match in the darkness
While they fill your empty hole
With thier love

So when it’s not perfect
And your world feels like it’s ready to fall
Remember the miles of smiles
You’ve had before
Remember all of the things that you adore

This isn’t the end
Lift up your head a little
You’re not so brittle
Find your inner strength to push forward
Even when others say you can’t.
Jun 10 · 282
Untitled
Estelline Jun 10
Sometimes I’m just sad
And I can’t help it
Please don't get mad…

I just need someone to be there for me
Someone to hear
All the thoughts I’ve never said

Someone to come near
To calm my fears

Someone to wrap their arms around me
When I feel too weak to stand on my own

But it’s just a mere dream
I’ll be left to scream
All alone
While the clock strikes
I can feel all the spikes
Burning in my chest.
Jun 10 · 85
Untitled
Estelline Jun 10
When you place yourself too highly
You’ll fall into your right place in the end
Broken or whole is up to you

If you place yourself too low
people will run you into the dirt
crushed or victorious is up to you
don't forget your value.
Jun 10 · 274
Untitled
Estelline Jun 10
I know I’ll never be first on your mind
Or last when you lie down
To close off the busy day
Because I’m not what you want
Nor what you need

I’m not enough for anyone
So I shouldn’t expect more from you
Even though it’s what I want

I’ll still give all I am
I’ll still hope that you’ll think about me
And I’ll be broken a couple of million times
But It’s the process of life
What's love without heartbreak.
Jun 9 · 250
Untitled
Estelline Jun 9
Left in the ashes
Of a burnt down past
How long will this feeling last?

I feel trapped inside my own mind
There’s nowhere to hide
It’s making me slowly go blind
Losing sight of what matters
My world shatters

Right from beneath my feet
Slips away
Everything I love
Thrown anyway
Into the hole I dug.
Jun 9 · 604
Untitled
Estelline Jun 9
Some say love lasts forever
And others say love is a waste…
Some fall in love with haste
And some wait

I would always think
Don’t fall in love
It’s always so rough
And never worth enough
Just act tough

But now when you say bye
I can see why
People fall in love

We fit together like a glove
You’re everything I adore and more.
Jun 7 · 352
Untitled
Estelline Jun 7
I hate falling
Because when I hear you calling
My heart’s all in…
But my head gets tossed into a sick bed
Because like before
I know it could end
And I know I couldn’t take the pain

It’s such a bittersweet feeling
Am I just dreaming?
Would I wake and feel nothing
Or am I awake now?
And would I feel it like a sting to the heart
And be left in the dark

But what’s love without taking a chance...
So for now we’ll dance in the light
Of some gleaming fireflies
While we feel the warmth of a fire
Burning inside of us.
Jun 5 · 367
Untitled
Estelline Jun 5
Another slice to my heart
I’m never good enough
Every word you say
Just grids me down
I’m down to the floor
Begging you please
Don’t hurt me now

The pain in my chest
I wish I could
Take a knife
And ****** it into my chest
To make it go away
It’s so unbearable
I swear this will be the death of me.
Jun 3 · 215
Untitled
Estelline Jun 3
You took my hand
And held me close
While we stood by the lakeside
The wind blew a slight breeze
And whispered in between the trees
What it was saying we could only imagine

The waters shimmered
From the sun reflecting rays
And the birds sang songs
That were sweet to our ears

I never want it to end
The perfect moments like these
One of us always will have to leave
Oh, why can’t the world let us be?

But no matter where we are
We’ll make the most of what we have
Whenever you feel sad
You know I’ll always right here
As long as we're together
We’ll conquer our fears.
Estelline Jun 2
You’ll make mistakes
You’ll feel a few heartbreaks
And be broken a couple million times
But as long as you're mine
Don’t lie and tell me you’re fine

I’ll carry what you can’t bear
I’ll run my fingers through your hair
While we lay in the mists of joy
It’s a feeling nothing can destroy

When you don’t feel like enough
And don’t wanna act tough
Just feel my touch
And know I’ll never leave

I’ll believe in you
When you can’t see
And I’ll show you everything you mean to me

If you ever wonder why
Just hear when I whisper
“I love you”
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