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Estella Feb 17
Sitting in the dark
My thoughts racing
Like a mad man for the door
I hold a knife while thinking
How easy it would be to end it
All the pain
The things I hide from others
I could just slowly leave it all
While laying in a puddle
of my crimson sadness as it leaves my body
I know I can’t
It’s just a fantasy and a nightmare I dream of
I can always feel the hate in the world
Shaping my heart
I’ve tried to forget about it
But nothing seems to work
Sometimes all I want is to just hold someone
Someone who really cared…
But in the end all I’m left holding
Is the ghost of an idea
A mere fading wish.
mostly just needed to vent at this point, kinda had a break down lol
Estella Feb 15
You want me to love you
But you’d be better off with me hating you
You don’t see the weak mind which has flooded and drowned
The reflection in the blade as I imagine
Cutting my wrists which hold my heart
My blank expression when you say you love me

You could never love me
And never will
Maybe it’s my cynical mind
Or your *******

You tell me you’re there for me
But how come I fell to the floor with you standing by?
I don’t want you to touch me
Your cold icy hands freeze my soul

I’ve told you I don’t feel the same
I’ll just hang my head
Below the clouds
Which block out the sun
I’ll hide in the shadows
Away from you
And the world.
Estella Feb 14
We splashed in the waters
Of sandy beaches
We danced among the trees
While the birds sang songs above us
But where are those days now?
Like the snow in spring
They’ve melted away.
Happy valentines everyone!! :D
Estella Feb 6
I remember us as kids
We had it all planned
You and I dreamed of the future

We’d lay near the water's edge
Hearing the splashing waves
While the wind carried our words
We would close our eyes
And imagine a *** of gold in the sky
Overflowing with our hopes and dreams

But now that we’re older…
I wonder what your dreams have turned into
Mine are just ashes
They’ve poured down from the sky
Now the skies are grey
A fog covers our hearts

Don’t you wish you could turn back time?
Back to when the sun could still shine..

Just hold me close
Because I need you now
And together we’ll watch the birds fly away
Wishing it was us
Reminiscing of a better time.
Estella Feb 3
Lost in my thoughts again
It’s like a maze
Will I ever find my way out?
Somehow I can always find you
Lurking in every corner
Ready to take hold of my joy
And throw it to the shadows
Do you want me to jump in and get lost?
I’ve done that before
I’ve gotten so lost
I forgot what I looked like
I forgot what life was to me
And now I’ve grown accustomed to your darkness
It’s a black wall of deceit  
I don’t have words left to speak
Burn my soul
And wash it away
Turn me into nothing more than ashes.
Estella Feb 1
I wonder...
What if I told you how I felt
Would you run away and leave me?
What if I asked to hold your hand while lonely?
What if I held you close when you were sad
Would you wish it was someone else?
I know I’m not the one
I’m not even close
I’ll always just be a friend
But sometimes…
I wish I was
So I could know
What it feels like to be your world
To be held by you
But those are things I’ll never know
I just have to let go
Estella Jan 29
I won’t whisper a complaint
When someone asks forgiveness
I’ll give it
I won’t be fine
But don’t let it bother them
There’s nothing else to be done
Everyone has to deal with something
But sometimes I wonder if everyone thinks I’m fine
I’ve fallen so far below
From so high above
I’ve shattered so many times
My hands have scarred from picking up the pieces
My heart is missing parts I couldn’t find
And my soul is weary
I’ll close my eyes one last time
And pray for an end
Please forgive me.
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