I look in the mirror
Times standing still
I notice my eyes, with tears start to fill.

One finger tapping on the counter
I’m biting on my cheek
Suddenly I feel my knees, starting to go weak.

Im breathing in strange patterns
My nostrils flaring
I snap out, and realise that I’m still staring,
Into the eyes of who I wish was never born
Thinking about if I were to leave
Who would be the first to mourn.

I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so numb
But is it a feeling, If I feel nothing
When I say I feel okay
I’m most likely bluffing,

My blood I feel rushing
Filling up my cheeks
I’m ashamed of myself
I haven’t left the house in weeks.

Get a grip
People have it worse
I rather be in their shoes
Than my brain be smothered in this curse.



You say I’m over exaggerating
I say you don’t know me
All I ever wanted was to just feel ******* free.

I really hope you’ll understand
That sometimes my words don’t come out as planned
I stutter and lisp as I say what I feel
Why was it my heart
That you had to steal.

I’m sorry that I’m so inconvenient
I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart
A lot of the time I wish, from the world
I was apart

I’m as disappointing as an empty wallet
But people give up so easily
If your name was as long as the universe
I’d still be happy to call it.

But you’ll give up on me
For you it’s too much to even smile
But I hope you know
That for you I’d crawl much more than a mile.

Every time I stare into my reflection
Blood starts to surface
I’m not one to be offended by rejection
But the reflection refuses my stance
I’d call myself an infection
The hairs on my neck start to dance.

I feel like an outcast from the world
I'm definitely there
But no one seems to care
Just because you can’t see me
It doesn’t mean i'm not there
I'm like the stars in the daylight
But you can see me clearly In the dark night
Isn’t it ironic the way I express
My mind feels blank but at the same time i'm a mess.

Body is weak
Hard to think
Water is deep
Try not sink

I project what we could be
In the depths of my mind
I wish you could see
What you’re able to find

You don’t need me
You want me
All just because you’re lonely

You romanticize my mental state
You think that its cool
To suffer from hate
Chemical imbalance you claim to understand
But when it comes to my pain
You seem so offhand.

if you were to go to the beach,
into the sea,
far out
further, further.
place your head under the water and listen out
for the sounds of chains that seem so close,
that you could grab on and use as support to float
but really they're far far out, your eyes cant even see,
rusty chains grinding off one another, sour.

the sound seems so familiar
perhaps the time you tried to drown
your head slowly sliding under the water in the bathtub
holding your breath
thinking of nothing
but the sound of the pipes remind you of that video game you played, the one that made you curious

that in fact saved your life, the story you wanted to play over and over.
as every time you played you discovered something new.
it's beautiful, the theme song as your lullaby


maybe i was looking for an excuse to live,
the only thing that saved me was that video game.

A day goes by
It's an empty home
All you can hear is the buzzing of my phone


Cold bowl of porridge
That saw the whole thing
Saw me step on the bed
Saw my body swing


It saw my brother walk in
To ask if i was crying
Two hours before my body was dying


It saw my mother fall to her knees
Who prayed and pleased
That my body wasn't fully deceased


But so it was
I was gone from the pain
Just like that
It started to rain


My corpse was very much like that bowl of porridge
It went from soft to hard
From hot to cold
My body went from young to old


Now my room is just filled with broken dreams
That could've been
If only they'd seen
How my heart was in pain
And my mind that is,
was, screaming.

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Is there anything I can do to make you stay
Perhaps a way
Where I don’t need to undress, or impress
Some way, where I don’t have to stress

I can show you my love in other ways but lust
You set my heart on fire, blew the ashes away like dust
Ill give you all the love I have left in my hands
The fragile pieces I picked up, I found across the land

Although my hearts in ashes
The roaring flame burns bright
The match is still alight
It comes to use when it’s cold at night

Love can make you warm
Lust makes you unclean
When you tell me you love me
What do you really mean?