Day by day the rules has changed..
When the words false it's mean nothing..
The mission always same..
But the ways are different..

This is not mission impossible..
This is mission unpredictable..

How could the mission changes the rules..
Everyone didn't understand..
The way we look are different..
We have our eyes to be understood..
We have glasses to fill it full..
We have our opinion..

The mission didn't change..
But our mind are changes..

Let happens will be happened..
With all the happiness in the past..
With all the sorrow in the present..
With all the kindness in the future..

We are didn't change..
Our minds take the control..
The way we look..
The way we see..
The way we think..
The way we feel..

Hope everything gonna be alright in the end..

It's been a year I learned to live alone..
With this pain and responsibility..
Alone makes me a woman who is too strong..
Sometimes I feel like I don't need someone in my life..
But now I realize something..

Actually I don't want to leave a comfortable place..
But circumstances provide another way..

Like a Prince who went to find a Princess..
I went to look for that comfort..
Go far away to go back home..
I went to look for a new house..
A house that I can go to when I go home..
But the fact is I'm not a prince..
I'm just an ordinary woman who wants to wait for the king to arrive...

When he will arrive ???

look at the moon standing alone above the window,
see a star far away there,
silent and with solitude staring far away,
staring at a star that never arrives,
the moon wants a star to arrive soon to accompany her,
accompany and support her,
the moon is waiting for the stars,
waiting in silence and emptiness...

I know that I am alone..
You know that I am alone..
That's why I need you to be here..
Hold my hand and lend me your back..
It's enough..

I need to be calm and not have a lot of thoughts..
or it will get worse..

Until the day that I really need someone beside me..
That day I will not allow anyone to accompany me except you..
You are really mean, if you not come..

What I have asked to Allah ??
I don't even remember it..
I only know that everything I need is always available..

Maybe I change my point of view when I asking before..

I ask everyday, but you never come..
Until I am tired for ask..
I thought it will become hope that never exist..
I feel it just wishes..

Suddenly,
I am trying to make one more ask..
I ask only one sentence,
but he is really come more faster than I thought..

I don't even know,
What kind of word that I want to pray right now..

Not easy become independent woman..
You will handle all of problem..
Going to some where alone..
Even though for medicine..

But you can do whatever want to do..
You can going every where you want to go..
You can take all the things with responsibility..

Sometimes enjoying staycation..
Sometimes going around the world..
Sometimes eating so much..
Sometimes playing around with car..
Sometimes having fun with no limit..

But

Sometimes you must handle big problem by yourself..
Sometimes you need to go to medicine alone..
Sometimes you need driving alone even though you are ill..
Sometimes you are crying alone..

This is the taste of being independent woman..

This wound is different..
This wound isn't the same as the past..
Wounds that are invisible but feel real..
I don't like this pain to be repeated..
A knife that stabbed in the back..
I'm tired with of all this drama..
Different wounds but have the same pain..
Different weapons but injuring the same place..

With all of the kindness, madness, happiness, sadness, rudeness, and every feeling of taste..
The weapons hurt without feeling..
Day by day the pain is still exist..
I don't know what kind of medicine can handle this...

In the name of love, you are silent without words..

In the name of love, you hide your self in the shadows..

In the name of love, you scream in the foam..

In the name of love, you leave me alone..

In the name of love, you do not move..

In the name of love, you let me hurt..

In the name of love, you let me down..

In the name of love, you do nothing..

In the name of love....
In the name of love....
In the name of love....

I don't even know what is the meaning of your love...

Is there any love between us?
Then why is so quiet?

Is there any love between us?
Then why is so much effort?

Is there any love between us?
Then why it take so many times?

Is there any love between us?
Then why I still being alone?

Is there any love between us?
Then why I still feel a lonely?

Is there any love between us?
Then why I assume that you didn't want that?

Is there any love between us?
Then why I can't see you?

Is there any love between us?
Then why you are thinking too much to come?

Is there any love between us?

He doesn't love me..
I beg every time..
He never come..

He doesn't love me..
I need him right now..
He never come..

He doesn't love me..
Someone come to me..
He is not angry..

He doesn't love me..
I trying everything..
He just watching..

He doesn't love me..
I lose of hope..
He do nothing..

He doesn't love me..
He doesn't love me..
He doesn't love me..

I deserve to love..
I can find my love..
I will find my love..
Until someone give me his love..

I deserve it..
I deserve that..
I deserve to love..
I deserve to get love from someone..
The real love..

I missed something last night,
I thought of something last night,
I felt something last night,
I remembered something last night.

I smile, laugh, dance and sing,
I smiled remembering that memory,
I laughed remembering that day,
I dance in solitude,
I sing in silence.

What is seen is not necessarily seen,
What sounds is not necessarily what is said,
What is thought does not necessarily happen,
What is desired is not necessarily what is needed.

All that happens is necessity...

May we have other changes ?
May we can being together ?

You know that I am a woman..
I can't give you first move..
Why you can't be like them..
Some of them come to me..
Some of them come to my parents..

It that really difficult ?
Why ?
Why ?

Why my destiny is really complicated?

Please, tell me what should I do in this situation?

In the name of love, you just silent..
In the name of love, my brain like burning on with that silent..

Please, tell me what should I do ?
I can no longer silent..

What should I do?
Would you please give me solution?

My mind has crossed the line..
My feelings can not be dammed..

Tell me, what should I do?
Would you please let me know?
May you give me a first move?

They love with passion..
They love just by seeing it..
They feel grateful only by seeing it..
They like to talk about everything the love one do..

There is no desire to touch it..
There is no desire to have it..

They only watched when the love one was having a hard time..
They are pray from them..
They criticize what it does..
They love it..

A night has just arrived, but I have started sleeping..
I sleep to fast than ever..
I just wanted to sleep and want to dream..

Dream about anything beautiful..
Dream about any kind of good..
Dream about some of an adventure..
Dream about any passion..

For now...
I don't have any passion..

For now...
I have lost that passion..

For now...
I don't remember anything..

For now...
I just want to sleep..

For now...
I just want to take a rest..

For now...
I just need deep sleep..

For now...
I don't care anything..

For now...
I surrender all..

For now or nothing.....

I need you to be here..
I need you to accompany me..
I need you to hold me..
I need you to cheer me up...

Even though the whole world knows that I am strong..
You know that I'm actually weak..
that's why I need you...

I need you to be here..
Even though this distance is never close..
Come here and reach my hand..
Take my love away..
So that I am always close to you

The sun is blazing..
I still don't want to wake up from sleep..
I still want to continue my dream..
I like living in my dreams..
Although sometimes dreams are strange..
But I'm not alone in other world..
Someone always accompany me..
Both in good dreams or bad dreams..
He always be there..

May I living in my dreams for entire my life ?
May I leaving this real world ?
May I loving someone in my dreams ?
May I laughing for all this drama ?

May I ...? May I ...? May I ...?
Maybe.. Yes..
Maybe.. No..

He said about love..
He know his woman getting sick..
But he didn't come to accompany her for treatment..

He said about love..
He let his woman sleep on the road..
But he didn't come to protect her..

He said about love..
He let his woman begging to other man..
But he didn't come to help her..

He said about love..
He let his woman crying every night..
But he didn't come to cheer her up..

He said about love..
He let his woman worrying everyday..
But he didn't come to let her know..
That he love her..

Or.......
Maybe he actually doesn't love...

Someone waiting for me..
With all the spirit they have..
But I am waiting for someone else..
With all the power and become weakness..

Someone waiting for me..
With all the passion they build..
But I am waiting for someone else..
With all the purpose and become drama..

Someone waiting for me..
With all the miracle they wish..
But I am waiting for someone else..
With all the hope and become hopeless..

Someone waiting for me..
But I am waiting for someone else..

When did he come ?
What did he waiting for?
Or he is waiting for me until I come to someone...

I don't know what is the meaning of no more time in my dream..
I just realized this morning..
I must be strong like before..

I am alone, so I need to cheer me up by my self..
I am alone, so I need keep my own spirit..
I am alone, so I need to be strong..
I am alone, so I need keep my mind always positive thinking.

I just realized..
Maybe if this is my destiny..
Maybe if he said yes on the first meet, he can own me..

I just realized..
I can no longer waiting for empty room..
I need to take care of my mind..
I need to take care of my heart..
I need to take care of my body..
I need to take care everything by my self..

But if he said yes and want take the responsibility, maybe he can own me..
He must understand what kind of effort to protect me..

If he said yes on the first meet..
Maybe I must leave all my things before..

If he said yes on the first meet..
Maybe I must give up all my dreams before..

If he said yes on the first meet..
Maybe I must change my passion..

If he said yes on the first meet..
Maybe he can own me..
Even though I will hurt my self..
I don't care anymore..

I am tired....
You also don't care about me..

I woke up from my sleep and feel cold..
Still sleeping with a blanket covering my body..
But I still feel cold..
The cold of the world makes me tremble..

I need something to warm it..
Something warm, fresh and cheerful..
Alone feeling this boredom is really make me tiring..
I am tired..
I am weak..
I am tired..
I am weak..
I am tired with this weakness..
I am tired because I know that I am weak..

I am trying to hold my self badly..
But in the end I have no idea what should I do..

I am trying to get my spirit back..
But in the end I can't full filled my passion..

I am trying to be understood..
But in the end I can't learn anything..

I am trying to find someone who can accompany me..
But in the end I found no one..

Living in this cold world is really quiet..
I even listened to the whispers of the story from the wall..

When this is over?

I saw a reflection in the mirror..
She smiled silently..
Smile softly with those eyes..
She doesn't remember how to smile correctly..
She can't smile honestly..
She just want to feel happy..
She can't realize the true colour of happiness..

She only saw herself across the mirror..
With all of the sadness..
With all of the pain..
With all of the betrayed..
With her solitude...
She only saw herself across the mirror..

Day by day I think about this..
Maybe I can accept this..

Maybe..
I just need close my eyes..
Let happens will be happened..

Maybe..
I just need close my eyes..
Feel what it needs to be done..

Maybe..
I just need close my eyes..
Let the time comes up..

Maybe..
I just need close my eyes..
Because you never come..

Maybe..
I just need close my eyes..
Let happens will happened..

Maybe..
I just need close my eyes..
Feel that sensation..

Maybe..
I just need close my eyes..
Because you didn't care..

Maybe..
I just need close my eyes..
Let happens will happened..

Looking around the field..
Walking slowly with bold feet..
Coming from the sea..
Feel the taste of life..
Life become interesting it depends on what you feel..
Sometimes life feeling blue..
Looking interesting things or wanted find some passion..

Life without passion like an empty shell..
Eating for life..
Sleeping for rest..
Talking for ask..
Working for responsibility..

When I want to eat something badly, it's mean passion for food..
When I want to going around the world, it's mean passion for experience..
When I want to meet someone, it's mean passion for communication..

Life must go on, although the body walk without soul..
Feeling aloneness

This morning I have no idea..
I don't know what kind of word that I want to write..
I don't have an inspiration..
I just know, that I want you to come..
Right here..
Right now..

Enough..

Day by day I feel something weird..
Actually it's time to go..
But I won't do that..

I won't being alone in that place..
Very noisy and lots of questions..
I won't hear that word..

Maybe I have too many things on my mind..
My past and my future..
Complicated..

Honestly, I want going there..
But I won't going there by myself..
I need someone beside me..
Hold my hand and lend his back..