It's day 67 and I don't have you.
But am not falling apart.
Cause 279 days ago you swept me off my feet.
I thought I had found my soulmate,
The person I would spend my life with.
Instead you turned out to be a fluke.
You abused me and used me,
Spun me a web of destruction and pushed me off the edge.
You turned me into someone I regret.
Someone i look into the mirror and cringe from.
I don't want to be the girl who forces you to be in my life,
Or the girl who makes you leave.
You give me no choice.
I have to push you or be hurt.
I choose me.

Nobody warns you about the first boy that will break your heart.
But even if they did, what words would make it okay for him not to love you anymore?
Would it prepare you to let go when you realise love just isn't enough?

Nobody warns you of the cold nights when you can't stop thinking about him.
And the hollow pit in your chest when he doesn't pick up your calls.
Did he get someone else so soon after you?
Will today be the day when his bed smells like someone else?

Nobody warns you that it will hurt till you can't breathe.
That you will feel your world crashing around you and not be able to stop it.
Nobody warns you that you lose a part of you forever when he walks out on you.

What if I told you I was going to hurt you so bad you couldn't bear to live?
That I would creep into your heart,
Make myself a home there,
Then walk out on you one day.
Would it make it easier if you knew I was going to leave?
Or would it just hurt you more knowing this wasn't real.

What if I told you I loved you so much I couldn't bear to let you go?
But I trampled on you and left you bruised.
So bad- you couldn't heal.
Would you forgive me for not being able to love you the way you deserve?
Or would it take out the candle burning for me?

What if I told you that this was all wrong?
You loving me, me loving you.
That it wouldn't last past a moment.
If that moment was all we had,
Would you love me more or less?
Tell me something a little nicer,
Or push me farther away?

What if we could make this work?
What if you didnt make me cry myself to sleep everynight?
What if this was all a bad dream and we could wake up married with kids?
I wish fate was a coin I could spin and get happily ever after.

Ever felt your heart breaking?
It's a sharp pain that starts in your sides and squeezes out all your joy.
It's that feeling where you can't breathe cause they took your air.
It's when you can't stop crying cause someone took your feelings hostage and abused them.
It's when you love someone and they don't love you back.
They take you for granted and break you till you lose yourself.
Tell me would you still believe in love?
Or would you just let it go and pray for numbness.
Blessed reprieve from the pain, thoughts and regrets.
Maybe you should have taken better care and not fallen before you were sure he was the one.
You settled for Mr. Maybe and tried to change him.
You did this to yourself,
Got yourself broken cause you didnt wait for what you deserved.

The only thing worse than being alone,
is being with you.
Coz I spend all day telling myself you're busy,
And all night convincing myself you aren't busy.
Either way I never see you.

How hard is it to pick up the phone and say 'babe I miss you.'
But you can call to ask where am at? Who am with?
What are you, my parole officer?

I try so hard to be what you want,
Tripping over my feelings so as not to tread on yours.
But you humiliate me,
Insult me and ignore me.

It hurts!!!!
I cry myself to sleep at night holding out for a hug that won't come.
I long for you to put aside your animosity and tell
me you need me.
I tremble when I get the shakes from withdrawal cause am hooked on your love.
I wish you could just put yourself in my shoes and tell me,
Would you stay or leave?

I look at you and see someone I have never met.
You could walk away and wipe my name off your heart.
I reach out and touch empty space,
Cause you aren't here.
You act like you are but you aren't.
Tell me, do you still love me?

Fall in love too easily,
Date someone you aren't sure loves you back.
Watch them crumple your feelings like tissue and
throw it in the can.
Let them in some more so they can rid you of
every hope and dream you ever had.
And then let them leave you,
Cause you don't deserve to be loved.
Let them define you and insult you,
Tell you how worthless you are.
Listen to how they settled for you,
And no one can love you cause you're damaged.
Believe them.
Who would want to love you?
You're little pieces of a bunch of things,
none of which fit right together.
You are weak and desperate.
You don't deserve love.
You're nothing but a test drive.

You just lost the best thing you ever had and you
don't even know it.
I hope it hurts you every moment of everyday.
A numb inescapabale pain.
I want it to keep you up with what ifs and maybes late at night.
It should crawl under the covers with you and settle like a dead weight on your chest.
See I loved you with every piece of my heart.
You took all that as your due.
I could have done less but I gave you more,
Thinking you needed me too.
Am sorry that I gave you the best years of my life.
Even more sorry that I loved you.
That was my greatest mistake.
Loving someone who didn't need to be loved.