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Mar 3 · 23
Untitled
Jay earnest Mar 3
through the fog i see you, still & alone
Your face is a radiant blue
I miss you
Even though I no longer know you
I remember the silk waves and the sunny
disposition
I remember the screams into nothing
My soul is still searching
for what we had
so perfect in its imperfection
Feb 8 · 109
111
Jay earnest Feb 8
111
god is up there somewhere
The crackers below the sheets
The hard nail embedded
Dying every second
Every 2 seconds leaking into a puddle

I can only stand so much
I can only be whipped with so many ropes,
Tethered in my frame, immersed in cope

I only know what I don't know
I only feel what I feel. And it feels like hurt,
And burning, and agony, and despair and
understanding
Feb 5 · 33
doeful &li
Jay earnest Feb 5
So hopeful
And weary
I cannot feel my hands
My hands are cold and stiff

I kiss you somewhere over
Here
Then make my way to the partition

I cannot see straight
I wringe my collar of the desecrated
tears
My serpent speaks
To make love is to **** and penetrate
Stab deep into your wound
And dessicate
Annihilate with fury
My overtone sweet with faith and sophistry
Now is the time to wonder
Were you always this innocent?
Feb 5 · 29
all knowing
Jay earnest Feb 5
Want to scream cry
Cannot love you because you are flesh
Cold to the bone
You are neurons and fibrous twitch muscles
There's not much there
Just some blood and color
I love you
But that means I live with delusion
I love you but that means
I can't see straight
I fold up my clothes
And walk to the garden

There's a strung up bird singing to me
To love is
To never have answers, suspended in uncertainty
& I'm tired of uncertainty
Feb 5 · 24
itchy like a
Jay earnest Feb 5
this life isn't meant to be quiet
the damp roses cannot sustain monotony
To sit idle is too betray aeons and perpetuate suffering
knowing too much led me to thinking too much
The perspicacious dancer dances for oneself
Look out into the light and see what is there,
Stop dreaming for tomorrow
Tomorrow was yesterday
And it's too soon
Dec 2023 · 37
Untitled
Jay earnest Dec 2023
My love is broken. It's like a fragile linen

I want to love but I'm led along empty streets
& The vermin pick at my feet
If I needed something I would ask
But I guess
I'd rather rot alone

The slow ones
don't hesitate; there's nothing to gain
Dec 2023 · 135
Wasted words part 89
Jay earnest Dec 2023
Pennies hang in the balance
lions roar in a cathedral of liars
the smoke bellows out the infant's crested lung
THE permeable saints make way for the dung serpents
Another man died tonight
and I couldn't care less
just do it next time, and with conviction
Jay earnest Dec 2023
I went down and ****** the *****
sour & sweet
Self- assured, I wiped the dust and went to work
I shot my manager in the face and ***** the hr lady named Susan; her abominable raisin salad triggered me
Then I laid in bed.
I picked a scab and went to sleep. I love all children like my own.
& god bless you
Nov 2023 · 78
Untitled
Jay earnest Nov 2023
I hope I meet god so I can spit in his face.
I hope I meet Satan
so I can show him real torturous cruelty
I hope I meet a child so I can say I'm sorry
I hope I meet a mother so I can ask who are you?
I hope I can meet an animal to ask why it's so calm in the face of death
I hope I can meet a star to see where its black heart resides
I hope I can smile when there's nothing left of us
And the tears flow into the dark abyss with everything else, lost & unsure
Nov 2023 · 243
Uunm
Jay earnest Nov 2023
It's getting harder but easier all at the same time
I stand in a haze; no longer performative
It used to be an act but I entertain the flies like worn out hazards
Maybe the reason you hate yourself is because it reminds you of what you can't have, which included me
& The days of confusion.
I'll go now
Jay earnest Nov 2023
Avante garde in the sense that meaning is an accident
If I shot myself now
I could only wonder if you ever truly loved me
Or if it was conditional like everything else,,;
Jay earnest Oct 2023
Was on top of a hill sort of mountain in a wooden castle and started  carrying wood to the bottom of the hill to a location at the end of a long strip of gravel road. There I began stacking the wood.
At some point someone called the police on me because I assume I looked like a transient stealing wood with my shirt off.
Back at the fort I saw police cruising by, one faintly a woman, so I ran back to the wood pile. There I found a shed with assorted food items mostly canned stuff which I presume was left in case of an emergency or just stored by passerbys and people donating.
Then at some point I saw a *** with a shaved head in an alley nearby, he said
"Are you new? Is this your first time?"
I looked back with a scornful look
"It's been a week"
"Nice cannibal corpse shirt" he muttered as he puckered his lips walking towards me and then finally touching me.
I then reached out and grabbed his neck and choked with all my might and then proceeded to punch him numerous times, but he kept advancing towards me.
I then grabbed a football helmet laying on the ground and proceeded to bash him in the head with it, crushing it, and his head somehow became decapitated in the process and rolled away so I put it on top of his belly.
I then woke up around this time and went to get wood for a fire
Oct 2023 · 65
The love of god
Jay earnest Oct 2023
I made a quesadilla
With some anchovies and ham with some eggs waffles and syrup & a glass of chocky milk
My belly is full
& my **** aches
Tomorrow I shall go out fishing in the prairie; my cat
Died and I'm tired of sitting around. It gets heavy in this heart , it gets hot in this
cage
The longer i stand the more I
suffocate
Oct 2023 · 56
Transactional
Jay earnest Oct 2023
All women are ******
Makes your interactions a million times easier;
I won't give you anything, and I have zero expectations. You're as ephemeral as the morning fog and I'm glad when
you'll eventually leave
, but for right now the dog is barking at its master at 2am
Don't ever beg ,
don't ever grieve
Jay earnest Oct 2023
Life is like one bad dream on repeat

I forget all the faces, and it's mildly amusing on recall
Somewhere I jumped off a building
and caressed a nun then became president, and for what
Just to suffer

The only good part of life is ***
And it's barely good
and a mere bargaining token

I sleep to get away from the dreaming;
The best
Is when you remember nothing, and that's where I'll be when I'm dead, you can be in heaven
Oct 2023 · 157
For Julius , the zoomer
Jay earnest Oct 2023
Swiftly and unapologetically,
my favorite God wrote poetry for the fabled liturgical society
If I heap trash on the pile maybe I can be surmised for my genius as well

Blue is red and red is yellow

Tonight the stakes shall impale the treasonous
Interlopers

Let none see our folly; the earth is due for its poisoning

& I took a **** on a baby
Yesterday while
the windows were not open
Oct 2023 · 71
3:3?
Jay earnest Oct 2023
3:45 with ****** eyes
I bite on the stale chip whilst the sound of decadent rats punch holes in my pickled brain

If it was up to me
I wouldn't be talking to you; friends are nothing but thieves

Now it's 3:46
Oct 2023 · 40
Madly in lust
Jay earnest Oct 2023
feel betrayed, bamboozled
Women are too good at the game of emotional manipulation
Even a young girl runs circles around me.
I try to be cool and detached
but inevitably the photos of the other men come flooding in; the Hispanic dude with guaged ears, the buff guy with the lizard tattoo, and she knows I'll watch all of it

But she ****** me just so she could toy with me after; her greatest currency
No intention of meeting again, just wanted me in her orbit, and God it felt amazing and I indeed became a weary simp

I'm too old for this **** though, so I blocked her. Total indifference on her end of course, but now
I can be ***** and alone but at least with some semblance of dignity.
But what's dignity worth when you're lonely?
Only a sociopath can beat this game and I'm getting close; next time
I'll win but it'll hardly be fun
Oct 2023 · 46
Untitled
Jay earnest Oct 2023
pain is being too numb to feel any thing
Oct 2023 · 55
Thank you
Jay earnest Oct 2023
I'm grateful to be here,

to see the vanquished cities as they propagate the vast expanse,

To hold my heart in a ***** jar with the wounded still crying out

I am grateful to breathe this air,

To see the tarry streets as they grip on my lost feet,

To see the fire as it's quenched with mortar



I am grateful

Grateful for everything, and everything I wish I could have saved; it made me a better man, losing it all and a piece of my soul
Oct 2023 · 46
9643042341
Jay earnest Oct 2023
the circus sands
  sit within tumultuous hands

I feel everything and nothing
as my mind dances along a vacant passage

I was once wise
  but now I've regressed into the latitude of adolescent sorrow

if I had the answer
I'd give it to you,
but instead I'm left to search
, falling into the sun
with ever increasing velocity. we are no longer immortal
Oct 2023 · 60
Mathew 3:26
Jay earnest Oct 2023
my only friend is my buddy matt

I love that man, and 1 friend is better than what most can claim today.
I'm lucky.
we talk every Tuesday,
and he talks about his shoes and his squirrels
and his elderly wife( he actually married a 50 year old seamstress when he was 22, it's weird, but whatever)

im happy though with this;

and I need nothing else. all the other 'friends'
sold out to the consumerist boom-
easily bought.

I need someone that'll take a bullet. I've already taken a few for him;
and that's where I stand.
thank you. until Valhalla
Oct 2023 · 47
courage the cowardly dog
Jay earnest Oct 2023
I'm gonna take a screwdriver
and jam it into her eye socket
and then
take pliers
and twist her tongue
until it's unhinged from the jaw

I'll then pour acid down her throat
and **** her ***
while she squeels in agony

then I'll
make some pancakes
for my doggo
Jim Jim
and he can eat the leftovers

then I'll do it again maybe
and then some day I can smile with Jehovah
Jay earnest Oct 2023
when I **** myself, it'll be with a hammer
so they can marvel
at the sheer
tenacity
and will of my death-drive


it'll take a good 30 strokes
  and you can find
the guns locked up
beside me;

if there's a will there's a way.
I love being awake
at 2:32
Oct 2023 · 54
dating advice tip #21
Jay earnest Oct 2023
when I get nervous meeting a girl
,
I just imagine
her having taken
the biggest stinkiest
rancid **** with her *** stretching out to the size of a fist
and the stink
permeating
for meters abroad;

and her picking her nose
with glee
and her pits stinking
and her feet sweaty
and her breath sour
and her legs and ***** hairy
from a 2 days growth

disgusting creatures.
  foul apes;
like me. elegance Is overrated, and now I'm turned on...
Jay earnest Oct 2023
my brain was broken for a few days
so i've forgoed any & all substances,
not even *******
which is its own drug

I need clarity;
I was looking at a wall
and perceived it as a dullish mush and
  noticed a dab of spittle hanging from my lower lip

    I could speak to a parakeet
and ask it for advice,
it said
" shut up ***** boy and give me a *******''
not really,
it didn't say that, but it did mimic the sound of ******/

when I poured my toast
I buttered my juice
and I took a cab to your house and slept with you and wrote this poem
as we cuddled
because I needed some warmth. please don't leave me,
I need some
warm cuddles
    
:0

why do they all leave ?///
Oct 2023 · 43
music for the mindful
Jay earnest Oct 2023
bought a little ****** guitar
and I'm now strumming the rising sun

it plays like like a
little mexican
baking beans in the doorway of an iguana


  I love to flick the b
and the tunes ring out
and I hear ''ah'' as the raisins moisten with the dew

god gave us music so we could cry alone in peace;
my own therapy
and I'm not judged

that is why I listen to mbop
and disco

put a rod into me
Jay earnest Oct 2023
I'm so ******* jealous

  I always tell myself I won't be
that this stuff doesn't affect me, that it's just casual intimacy,
but I can't help comparing myself to the guy she's posting stories about

she didn't post **** about me.

she's pleasant and we have a good time and she says she likes hanging out with me but I'm obviously deficient

what am I doing with a 19 year old anyway.

next time I'm gonna strangle her til she's blue and that'll be a casual Tuesday for her

the depth of depravity is now
inverted
and I sit on satan's throne.

I want out of all of this
Jay earnest Oct 2023
blamed for everything
blamed for taking the trash out
at dawn whilst the clovers crumble beneath the rain
and the ladybugs
roll over

blamed for
eating a **** without a fork
and ****** my
cousin

blamed for killing myself and leaving extra
fragments in the sink
to pick out
along with the medulla oblomgota

blamed for fighting a lost cause (this is justified, I blame myself too)

blame for picking up the pieces of yesterday's evacuation
blamed
for the Israeli's killing my
infant in a street square
blamed for crying when I'm not  sad

blamed for dancing
when im dumb like a duck
\
blamed for breathing
when I should be laughing

blamed for smiling
when I'm mad

blamed for
going out on a tuesday
to go
tickle some
   kittens

blamed for leaving it out overnight
so it's no longer moist

blamed for wearing a
black cap
  
blamed
for working too little

blamed for seeing only 1 side

blamed for nothing but the truth
blamed by
god

I blame you
Oct 2023 · 15
Untitled
Jay earnest Oct 2023
even in this uninhabited niche corner of the Internet where I'm mostly anonymous
& mostly free from criticism seeing as
as barely anyone engages or comments,
I still feel guilty 'venting' or
coming across
as weak
I'm truly hurting here, and I wish I had someone to pour myself into
But
I'm not as strong as
I think I am

I'm held up with tape & bandages, and I need to let go of the act.
I'm only human, and this pain isn't a state of mind,
it's an alarm to my senses & psyche telling me I
Need help, & I need to change
because this is clearly no longer
working
Sep 2023 · 55
life
Jay earnest Sep 2023
My brother od'd
Poured some ice water on him and slapped the **** out of him
& administered narcan
He awoke after a 2nd  dousing of ice water
He then cursed me
And told me to ******* despite being a blue corpse a mere minute ago
But at this point I don't care about the outcome
The first time is scary
The 2nd time is alarming
The 3rd time is annoying
The last time is indifference

I don't have much say here
Sep 2023 · 71
Go home
Jay earnest Sep 2023
See these circus families come up in their SUV's snatching up the last of the real estate, desperate clowns
The market is garbage here in California and I'm in effect a holdout, a refugee seeking asylum

But theyll buy these dinky cabins in the mountain
& During 1 winter season roll a snowball and snowman
then retreat back to the plains. Gutless; those who live here only do so because they have no choice,
why is that so hard to comprehend
Sep 2023 · 72
§
Jay earnest Sep 2023
§
If you feel 'meh' about someone through an app,
you'll feel really meh about them in person, but my **** has no standards

Today I'll buy a **** steak
& Macaroni salad

My cat Winnie needs a new sweater,

Go driving in the sun until you hit mercury; the dead still lay there despite the incalculable aeons dividing our
weeping vessels
8
Sep 2023 · 63
battered
Jay earnest Sep 2023
Serpent eyes & mediocre
powder coffee
It's too early right now; I woke up for nothing, 10
is for the ground squirrels & paper chasers and office freaks

Back to the drawing board;
I saw a white light
& A kid attempting to write something true. The more you try the
More you lie to yourself.
And the more you care the less the muse wants you back.
It's good to give up
Jay earnest Sep 2023
murky black &
a tumultuous sea cut along starry eyed youths
I feel the shimmer in my bones
and the plasma stings my lower extremities

I've never felt this low besides once
& That was when
I was at the edge of a 20 story building
Why was I such a coward
Sep 2023 · 107
slave
Jay earnest Sep 2023
It's a strange feeling dating someone knowing the arrangement is impermanent and that they will indeed be gone at some point; feels like a sick immoral joke to be playing with my heart, but
it's important to realize that I'm not in control, not even in matters pertaining to a perceived spiritual bond.
But it doesn't mean that I won't try
again and again
and again and again searching for something I don't even know what like a dog looking for its master.
Let me be free
Sep 2023 · 292
Cul-de-sac
Jay earnest Sep 2023
Synthetic lawn
radioactive pine
With a retractable garden hose
& A 1 car garage
Offset
With pearly laminate
and a bare wooden gate

The doorbell is now
A zoom monitor
& The dog
Is in its plastic hut in the corridor
While
The child in the upper window
plays Minecraft
Alone with the halls silent with decadent dust

They turned my childhood home into a mausaleum,
But the truth is, it was no better then.
We were still suffocating in the immense nothing
Sep 2023 · 336
the loser
Jay earnest Sep 2023
A loser is someone who wakes up to an alarm
& drives to a place they hate doing things around people they hate
for multiple hours a day
to only make a pittance and live a sub standard life after the fact.
It's better to withdraw;
I've been the loser countless times before, but you can't lose at something you don't even choose to engage in

& They made it easy
when doing nothing feels like a revolutionary act
I no longer care what happens
1,000,000 years of human evolution & survival & they have us
so afraid
Sep 2023 · 59
trigger
Jay earnest Sep 2023
The little man with the blue shirt
Drinks jars of fermented **** of which he purchases online for $179
Dollars

The procured **** is sourced from the bladders of Hispanic
Gypsy kawaii Core only fans models

His only love is derived
From the stenchy
Liquer
It has notes of lavender &
Hot mustard

God is dead , but the little man
With a blue shirt
     retracts his trigger & smiles
Unmolested
Sep 2023 · 150
good morning
Jay earnest Sep 2023
I sleep naked in my covers
With my window wide open
And the fan blasting with
The stink of September
& It's minstrel children parading through the lounge garden

When I'm still awake
I make a biscuit with Jam
And drink unfiltered coffee grounds
To cool off my sores
& Rinse my eyes

These puddles are now & the women have never been more ugly.
We're all
suffering
Sep 2023 · 48
Auto correct
Jay earnest Sep 2023
I hate writing on my phone.
By the time the thought has arrived I'm
editing a misspelled work or autocorrect has squandered the spirit

If I had a reason
To write, then I'd write,
But this manner of scribe is inefficient

and the ape who receives my poems uses them for tissue after an especially horrendous
evacuation

If I was paid to do this
I'd be poor, just like now, but
at least I could say I'm a poet
Sep 2023 · 12
Untitled
Jay earnest Sep 2023
They persist and feast on my **** which is gelatinous and sickly
& paraded by the local
satanic convention

I'm awake at 7am
& Have managed to dream about crickets in prayer

I have no boss
But I still feel subjugated. Maybe some day
I'll be free
when my corneas are fitted for the massacre

I used to love
someone
named Cambria,
now she
sits behind glass unaware
of my existence;
I saw this coming
Sep 2023 · 26
Notes of a breaking man
Jay earnest Sep 2023
To plunge my knife into your sternum
Would be too much effort
You breathe because I am
indifferent
  the
Wandering soul sits idle in a bush
awaiting your tempered heart
& jovial face
The angry ones swallow whole
all the foolish ones,
     prancing about with so little care. You make it easy to hate & hate is how we
survive
Sep 2023 · 27
. .
Jay earnest Sep 2023
. .
Depression is writing poems
  nowhere
In a nowhere dwelling, suspended in nowhere time in nowhere space hoping these words reach some one
Sep 2023 · 38
Untitled
Jay earnest Sep 2023
If I would've known i had to do this again
I may as well have just
      retreated into the light

What gives you the right to be so
Unnafraid?

Don't seek advice because know one
Knows shït
Sep 2023 · 34
a very average poem
Jay earnest Sep 2023
12 years of dissociative fog
eating my cerebellum

So long as the fires burn in winter
There's a path forward to Bethlehem
I forgot what I was
Gonna say but that's like most days


I wanna put a barrel to the next politician and ask
They
To sing in they most sincere voice
It's hard to lie when
You're trying to feel something.

I wanna ask a ghost what's it's like to be so empty
&
who haunts them
Tonight I need reassurance
Sep 2023 · 32
Untitled
Jay earnest Sep 2023
I'll lie to her
with her fat rolls &
tiny feet
"You are so ****, *** *** so ****"
All men lie to get *****

It's been harder lately and it's probably because my purposeless aura transmits through the phone screen in photonic dismal
decay

I **** her anyway. It's okay.
If I've learned anything it's that we are slaves to our selves til the end; salvation
   is when you can
Walk unfettered in a world of pain & lies
& Hate all that you think you love because the ones you love hate you the most

Something like that
Sep 2023 · 44
Untitled
Jay earnest Sep 2023
Tinnitus rings out in an otherwise tapioca colored room with frog mugs lining the dresser

A picture of a flower is sat bent along the wooded beam

There's a dusty web with a spider's 13th ****** hanging behind me

There's a shoe of only 1 lace adorned
& A cutthroat lingering in the hall

If I had to do it all over again
Id be born somewhere tropical
Then drown when
The waves hit me

This is too much
Sep 2023 · 39
Untitled0
Jay earnest Sep 2023
I can't write this poem

  I sit up like a pig & see a half baked moon

Your reason for dissertion & death was inadequate and thus we sentence you to death

My ***** are warm

I'm so alone that I have dreams with no one in them

I'll write a song sometimes while asleep & awake in disgust
As I realize it's a beetle

These quizzical looks warm my starchy heart

Who knew crying was the remedy for sadness
, The only ones who care are your moths and they barely even do

I hope I see you again someday when you're shrunken and pleading for
      ****** blood

These days wrap around me like a prayer
      left unanswered since January so
I drive my car to the Chinese shop
& Squat next to
A bearded man playing a grey shoe
Sep 2023 · 40
Untitledo
Jay earnest Sep 2023
My brain is like a wooden log
& My lung is full of grease & smoke

I am merely a man chasing an expectation
I should give up on love because it's been a force of unrelenting agony
but I grip onto the stem like a monkey choking a stalk

What more do you want from me?
Why do these people exist
  when it's my world?

If anyone knew
They'd point to the dog and say
"Speak"
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