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Em 3h
you thought your life was worthless
but your death wasn’t cheap
im still paying the price

Em 5h
my love is not a rose
for you to pluck

my heart was a seed
that clinged onto every last speck of hope for a mere glimpse of sunlight
when buried by the darkness of dirt

no one could see
but in the midst of dead desiccated soil
i grew
but not the way they wanted me to
i grew roots that stretched so deep
into the pure black
i lost myself

everyone loves the beautiful flowers
with an array of hues
and petals that reach for the sky
but no one loves the seed
that fights to survive
in the dark, in the cold
alone underground
the seed that just wants to stop trying
to not die

but my seed held on a little longer
and crawled millimeters at a time
trying to get a taste of light
after a life so dim

now the whole world could see
the rose in all its glory
they don’t see all the roots
i had to plant before the rose came
you just saw a rose
“the most beautiful shade of red”
my blood stained petals
and tore me out from the ground
i worked so hard to stand on
left to whither away and die
just because i caught your eye

so now im back to the roots
at the depths of the earth
in the middle of black
all over again

Em 5h
life is a game for everyone
where love is the trophy prize
happiness is the gold medal
hope is a blue ribbon
but a broken girl
doesn’t ever win first place
or second
or any place at all

so she threw her heart in its grave
and she has never felt so free
without the constant weight of
fighting for the hope that someday
someone would love her
when not even she could

-my love is my weakness, it is my kryptonite. never again will i let someone use my heart as a weapon against me

Em 3d
as the days pass
each time i hug you
it feels as if you’re slipping away
like there’s less and less of you to hold on to
you’re buried beneath this pile of bones that has become all that is left of you
and i want to cry out for you stay
but i doubt my words
will mean anything to you
so i wish you could feel the love
that pours out of me
with every hug
and my silent begs for you
to stay as you are
don’t move
don’t try to make yourself disappear
i just want to envelop you in my arms and put all your pieces back together
desperately holding on
embracing you for the rest of eternity
if it means that the little parts left of you
can remain here with me
let me take you in my arms
and make you remember
the parts of you that
you have lost along the way
let me hold your hand in mine
so when you want to vanish
i can still find you in your darkness
and tug you by the hand into me
enfolding you in my embrace so tightly
to remind you that you are here
you are loved
you are my everything
don’t go
don’t let yourself go
please stay
-it’s not my heart but my soul that weeps for you
Em 3d
i’ll hear people
calling a dead boy
my dead brother
“a bad kid”
right in front of me

my blood boils
i burn in anger
whenever i look at them
what kind of parents
would do this.

i came to find out
you were in a mental hospital
two weeks ago while i was in one.

they said you had moved out
instead of saying you got admitted to a facility.
kind of like everyone is saying
i was out with pneumonia.
that was the last time i saw you,
i had no idea,
but they did.
yet once you were discharged you got sent to
brazil to toughen up and get your act straight
while i got sent back to this ******* house.
why do i get a chance
when i’m the same “bad kid” you were claimed to be by everyone,
but no one to took the time to love the bad kid,
just the little girl
that has to blow out his birthday candle at the end of this month in tears
wishing she could be gone too, finally free and to release herself from such an agonizing world
that gives her no respite
but she gets brought back every time
with the thought of which of her brothers would be blowing out her candle.
-but some nights, much like the one two weeks ago not even that is enough to stop her.
Em 3d
maybe i got drunk
to try to forget
every “i love you”
you’ve ever said
and never meant
yet i spent the whole night
seeing you everywhere i looked
everywhere i went
so i got crossed
to try to forget the lows
of being without you
but it didn’t make me
feel anywhere as high
as those eyes looking in mine.
-these can’t be coincidences the universe just wants to see me suffer
Em Oct 7
this hospital bed
feels a little warmer than
my bed at home
it’s silent here
it’s peaceful  

the security guard
watching me outside my room
came to give me blankets
he told me i’m too young
to be this sad
and that my eyes are too pretty
to be so full of tears

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