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7h · 62
Hurry Up
I've got $4.23 left on my debit card
Take it.
Hurry up and bring me back a hit.
8h · 19
Friday night and nothing's going on.
Beer and cigarettes on the couch,
Cousin's upstairs ******* around
The welcome store will be closed soon,
Somewhere out there a beautiful girl with long red hair prepares to go out and make bad decisions,
I sit here wishing I was one of them,
The chances are we'll never meet
I seldom leave my seat
My street
I don't see her in my future.
I see her in my dreams.
She's a weekend fantasy
But no excuse to leave
Beauty just a momentary relief
From the boredom.
Alone with my wisdom
Hard earned
Well kept
And while she searched for love
Out there
I slept.
I sat in silence as she wept,
All the secrets I have kept
Never to be shared
Never to be there
Never care.
It's Friday night and no one's there
To warm this frigid soul,
Socks and sweater on to fight the cold,
I'll grow old alone.
Love is no longer a luxury I can afford
Or a necessity to peace,
I seek not even physical release,
But still my mind is swayed by a hot piece.
Saturday night will be no different.
20h · 29
I Used To Have Joy
I used to have joy
I was at one
Everyday was an adventure
And I walked with God.

The spirit has left me though
And stripped the joy from my life.
I struggle to feel
I've become so numb
Drugs and alchohol are my only respite from the blaise'
But I'm no addict
Just an enthusiast
Only doing
What I can afford
Or what people bring me for free.
It's the only time I am happy.

I had an amazing life
I've experienced so much
But the adventure is over
Boring days spent sober
Waiting on the next high,
But I no longer want to die.

I just want to be able to experience joy again.
21h · 27
Another Day
Another day
And the same old thing
Lying on the couch
Watching TV
Waiting for someone to surprise me
And walk a narcotic blessing through the door
Or at least come over
With **** and beer,
And I'll just sit here
Fingers crossed with hope
That one of the three will come
And bring some dope
Saving me
From this boring routine.
Sunday can't come
Soon enough.
1d · 17
I was homeless for three years
I am comfortable with a certain amount of dirt and filth
I wear the same clothes for weeks on end.
You tell me to clean
But I'm lazy,
At least I'm not crazy.
And it's not that bad
People in a third world country
Would consider me to be living in luxury,
They wouldn't mind ****
In the toilet
Fruit flies
Or ***** kitchen floors.
You always want me to do more
Which leads on to more
And I want to do less of it.
I'm on a permanent respite,
You say
Fix it up
But I can't afford it.
Filth is a sign of poverty,
The ac doesn't work
Neither does the downstairs toilet
Full of ****
And the left side of the kitchen sink is clogged.
It's been deteriorating for so long
I'm afraid of the time and expense
The effort
The energy
It would take to bring it back
So get off mine
I'm fine
I'm comfortable
You don't have to live here.
2d · 27
I Have To Say
That worked out.
That worked out perfectly
For once
Couldn't of planned it any better myself.
A good night
And I've still got a hit or two
And two beers.
2d · 36
I'm disillusioned with what's on the TV
So tired of talk shows and celebrity
Sitcoms ****
And the drama is redundant
Even the evening news
And opposing points of view on politics.
Yet it drones on in the background of my life
I should probably shut it off and open up a book
But like a trainwreck I can't help but look.
I miss the days of my youth when TV was a sanctuary
A shared past time with friends and family
And maybe it's nostalgia but I believe the programming has gone down in quality
It threatens my sanity.
It has truly become an idiot box
And I have to ask myself where these people get off
Endless prattle for human cattle
And the laugh track won't convince me something's funny.
I hate what's on TV
So why can't I just shut it off?
It's because the empty silence seems to extend the day
And maybe there will be something worth watching someday.
3d · 23
I hate waking up in the morning.
I lie under the blanket with my eyes closed trying to go back to sleep.
I have nothing to do today
But spend these empty moments
Waiting for the day to pass.
Everyday another wasted opportunity,
14, 16 hours till I can sleep again
Go to that strange place of dreams
Where everything seems so familiar.
I live there
In dreams
I exist
When I am up
And there is a difference.
4d · 25
You never loved me,
You loved what I would do for you.
Never supporting
Never nurturing.
You took advantage
Like everyone else does
What hurts the most
Is I thought it was love...

But you were just meeting your needs,
No longer will i bleed,
I wish you the best
And the rest of the **** i claim as my own,
You were once my home
Now you're a run down building with a new coat of paint,
And I'm no saint
But you are
No more
Than a *****
Selling her slit for security.
One day
You will see me
And flee
Because you feel guilty.
You are,
You *****.
The joy is fleeting
So soon replaced by want
Nothing good can last
And we're left
With the memories
Of better times
As we trudge through
The mundane
At least I still have sleep
Dissolving into dreams
An endless source of joy
Even the nightmares.
So few people truly care
You are blessed to have one or two
Count me as one who cares for you
Dreams don't come true
They're resigned to slumber
Every joy is numbered
And fleeting
What are the chances of you and I meeting?
I will not text for that deposit
I will not be lured by the siren's song,
I'll stay strong
And sober
I'll resist the urge to use.
$20 is not enough anyway,
Just a tease
Not enough to provide relief,
I'll wait till next week
I'll get high then
For now I'll just get by
And pray
$50 will fall in my lap.
6d · 20
Not Worth It
I just want to go to sleep
Enter the embrace of the distant divine dream
The hour has grown late
And my eyes grow weary.
Staying up for one more hit
I set this whole series of events in motion
Feel I need to follow through.
I smoke endless cigarettes
And watch videos on my phone,
I write this poem
But I was a **** to a **** and now he's sick and I'm stuck waiting on him.
So far from heaven.
I'm rethinking my choices
Four beers felt near perfect
Mike and William never called back,
The things I do for crack
The person I've become,
I'm ready to move on.
But it's almost done
One hit is better than none
An hour and ten minutes later
And he's still waiting on it and the ******
And I am telling myself
It's just not worth it.
6d · 26
Message Sent
A cry in the dark
A message sent
Exposing the soft underbelly
Are we
Can I count on you?
I've got your back Jack,
You can always count on me.
You're good people
My only complaint
We're not real friends yet.
I do not regret
Sending the message
Showing some vulnerability
Don't judge me
Just message back
Or get right and knock on my door.
I ask for nothing more.
This is not a test.
6d · 31
Heroin Addicts
They like sugar,
Candy and ice cream,
They love their dope
But seldom actually eat.

They'll lie right to your face,
I've always wondered how people like that survive.
Yet they do
In abundance.
Given the right set of circumstance
I could've been
A ****** addict
But I have shaky hands
Don't like needles
And have bad veins.
6d · 15
At My Expence
I'm putting up with you at my expense,
You should be compensating me,
Nothing in this life's for free.
Pay me ******.
If I could cash in karma,
Spend some heavenly credit
Tonight would be the night.
I've given so much,
Helped so many.
The scales can't be balanced
Even now I'm giving
But selfishly I want a return on my investment.
Tonight I pray
God opens his ears and hears
And delivers another blessing.
I give all I've ever had
I'm like my dad
But his neighbors reciprocate.
To go without while others have
Must be my fate.
I thought it was good karma,
Heavenly credit,
But no one gives a ****
Or ever gets you back.
If I had all that I've given back
I would have an abundance
And start giving again.
Even my friends
Ignore my calls
And make me feel bad
For asking
For anything at all.
All I want is your time and your company
I'm always there for you
Why aren't you here for me?
Tonight I could use a friend with deep pockets
And few regrets
To help me through this hell of a life.
A word of advice
Karma is *******
It's never there when you need it.
The evil prosper
And the good wither and wilt.
Those who feel no guilt live their lives above all others
While those who care suffer.
If you could cash in karma
Would your prayers and dreams come true.
Would you benefit.
I'm so tired of this ****
Being a good person
Hurts deeply
But I know not what else to do.
I'm societies *****
Meant to be taken advantage of it seems
The only time I am happy
Is high or in my dreams.
Life's a *****.
6d · 78
The One Thing
The one thing I hate more than a thief
Is a liar.

You are both.

Why do I put up with you.
6d · 21
The Difference
I won't lower myself to your level
I won't treat you the way you treat me
But if it continues
I'll see you out of my life.
I deserve respect and consideration
I will not be ignored.
6d · 26
Dried, burnt calloused lips
Blisters on my palm and fingertips
Barely enough money for cigarettes
And I'm not buying beer anymore
Just one high I am looking for
My new vice and bad habit that feels so nice
Will you see the signs?
Will you divine
I've got a new drug?
6d · 30
You've lost yourself.

The dope has made you a different person,

A liar
A thief
A user.

You lack sense and intellect,
Your only drive to feed your fix,
Can't afford your own gas and cigarettes
And you spend the day asleep in bed,
You just use and are used.

You're worse than a loser
You're worthless
And even I am growing tired of you,
Without me looking out
What would you do?

You can't outrun that warrant forever,
One of these days they're gonna get you
And you'll go back to prison.
At least you'll get clean then
Maybe regrow a personality.

You should be going out of your way to thank me, but all you do is take
It's 2:30 in the afternoon and you're still not awake.

You are
Jan 8 · 22
Constantly Waiting
Jason James Jan 8
Constantly waiting
It's always something
Feeling disrespected
No choice but to put up with his ****
To get my fix.
He owes me fifty dollars
That I'll probably never see
He'll owe me another $50 next week
No good
Drug addict.

I sit with the cloud of fruit flies
The least he could do is clean
Just another in the long line
Of people who take advantage of me.

When will they see
I am a blessing
And deserve respect and appreciation.

Users and abusers all
I stand on my own
With them I fall.
Jan 5 · 177
Face the Nation
Jason James Jan 5
Smoking crack rock
Watching face the nation
Contemplating the Iran situation
Some say world war three,
Not me
I see nothing but politics
And rhetoric
War won't ever come here
The only thing to fear
Is fear itself,
The entire world slowly goes to hell.
Jan 4 · 17
You Suck
Jason James Jan 4
If I treated you like you treated me
You'd be ******.
I'm ******
You disrespectful
I'm coming up there.
I will not be ignored.
Jan 3 · 26
Just Shoot Me
Jason James Jan 3
I'm so tired of this life.
I'm so tired of being the stepping stone,
The last resort.
Just kick in the door and shoot me
Don't let me survive.
I'm so tired of being alive.
Jan 3 · 37
In Time
Jason James Jan 3
You will grow tired of me,
You'll stop calling
Stop coming over.
I am going nowhere
I have nothing to offer
But love and emotional support.
I could be your best friend
But everything good ends
I've gone and ****** this up again
But give me a reason before you just disappear on me
Let me know how I made you go away
So in time
I can find
Someone who stays.
Jan 3 · 760
Jason James Jan 3
People are so predictable,
Enslaved by patterns of behavior,
Surprise me sometime
I will value you all the greater for it.
Jan 3 · 24
So Tired
Jason James Jan 3
So tired of daytime TV
And liars
Fairweather friends.
So tired of talking heads,
The endless procession of celebrities.
Give me more ******* drugs
Give me a reason to be
Let me get high and wash away everything
But that feeling
Or give me more money
And I'll find them on my own
Fifty dollars for every adventure,
Enough to share
Cuz I'm tired of black faces
And I'll tell you something brother
As I sit and crack a beer,
This ain't living.
Jan 3 · 26
A Wreck
Jason James Jan 3
This place is a wreck
The bamboo floors are covered in a layer of filth and ash
Dried *****
One side of the kitchen sink is clogged and full of black water
There's ***** dishes on the counter.
The guest room carpet is stained and covered in q-tips and broken potato chips,
The downstairs toilet won't flush and is full of **** and grime,
I've lived here a long time now
And it shows
One by one every lightbulb goes
No place for polite company
No place for family
But a few sinners and addicts sometimes grace my space
And it's a place for me
Where I can be
As lazy and ***** as I desire,
A place I can get high with the cockroaches and fruit flies
And I don't want to clean it
I think it would be better to set it on fire
And watch it burn
Taking care of my things is a lesson I've never learned
I believe in entropy and that everything goes to hell eventually
But it's my home
******* that it's become
I only have myself
And poverty to blame.
It was clean when I moved in
Six years ago
I've let it
And myself go.
Broken couch
Broken loveseat
No remote for the TV
The yard is overgrown
And I like to spend my time alone.
A wreck if ever there was one
And I've had a lot of crazy times here and a whole lot of fun
But I'm an irresponsible loser
A user
An abuser
And I choose to wallow in the mire.
And debate whether or not to set this place on fire.
Either way it's gonna need a renovation
And a good exterminator.
Jan 3 · 38
The Hard Yard
Jason James Jan 3
Waiting on the day
When I can sit down
Get down
And ride the hard yard.
Load the stem up time and time again
Get high
And stay there for a couple hours.
Six hits is a fix
One is a blast
Two or three is a tease
Four or more is my thing
My max is fourteen
A max I oneday hope to surpass.
All I need is a spare hundred dollars for my love.
It's all I think of
This newfound affinity,
Just me and my crack pipe
Having a good night
Rising above.
It's what I dream of
But for now
William and a fifty will do.
I hope he comes over tonight.
Dec 2019 · 27
Jason James Dec 2019
It's been awhile since I felt this good.
Right where I want to be.
It was a good day,
Everything worked out well
And later today is Christmas eve.
A happy holiday indeed.
Thank you Ashlee,
You and your generosity made it possible
I seldom get enough
Always left wanting more
But tonight it was just right
And it only cost me twenty dollars.
I'll be sad to see you go
Michael does not deserve you though
He'll only take advantage,
But he's not a bad dude
Just messed up
A selfish addict,
I know you're an addict to
Who wants to get clean
And I wish the best for you
But he'll never change.
I'm just worried if you leave
He'll only get worse.
You keep him as behaved as he can be.
Thank you for taking care of me tonight
I hope your Christmas is warm and bright
It's been a pleasure to know you,
I think you like me too
But I'm impotent
I couldn't satisfy your needs
And I don't have a car or the hookup on dope.
It was a good night
I feel at peace
For the first time in a long time
I got enough
Not just a piece,
A sweet release
And it's all thanks to you,
If there's anything I can ever do to repay you
Let me know.
I hope you don't go
But I'll understand if you do,
He'll never come clean to you
Don't take it personally,
His life has been easy
He's selfish and thinks he's sneaky
I'm sorry he ******* you over,
But he's like my brother.
I'd rather have you live here than him
If you had a car that is.
Dec 2019 · 90
Jason James Dec 2019
We got our six
We got our fix
Anything else
Is just icing on the cake.
Dec 2019 · 22
Jason James Dec 2019
So much pleasure
From little white rocks
Divide it up under the razor blade
Load the stem
Put a flame to it
Inhale and hold in.
Exhale a little
Breath back in
And repeat till the smoke stops coming out
Feel that rush
That peace
That calm.
Never a better high
But it doesn't last long
Always wanting more
After it's gone
But always such a pleasure.
A joy without measure
Little white rocks.
Dec 2019 · 27
The Things I Do For Dope
Jason James Dec 2019
Putting up with liars,
Dealing with strangers.
Staying up late
Watching the clock as the hours pass
And it's not even worth it.
Empty promises.
******* addicts drive me crazy.
Never on time
They always let me down.
Another night wasted
I could've been asleep
Dreaming of a better life
But no
I'm awake at 4:30 am
Woke up at 12:30
Promised a $40 tomorrow
When all I wanted was a $20 tonight.
These people have me ******.
I miss William.
Can't rely on anyone else,
The things I do for dope
Only to end up feeling like one.
Dec 2019 · 30
Used Up
Jason James Dec 2019
I'm tired of you staying here and it's not even Christmas yet,
I don't need your *******.
You're a selfish
Who takes advantage of everybody.
Now you're trying to take advantage of me.
It will only end badly for you dude.
Dec 2019 · 20
Jason James Dec 2019
Your dragging me down.
I don't need your loser friends coming around my house.
I don't need you and Ashlee,
You need me.
Close it down
And clean my ******* kitchen.
Dec 2019 · 97
Jason James Dec 2019
My two front teeth are stained brown with nicotine
It's all downhill from here
Spent a lifetime not caring
Not brushing
Not flossing
Now with these stains
I'm in need of a whitening.
Let them be stained
As long as they stay strong
I'll need my teeth
Life long
But I don't take care of them
And if they should fall out, crack or break
What will I do then?
Dec 2019 · 38
Government Pork
Jason James Dec 2019
Sitting with the smell of government pork
Threw up a can and a half last night
But it was good going down
Christmas gift from dad
Special request
Fell asleep and didn't digest
Now there's only fat and juices left
Ate the other half a can this morning
Came up without warning
Now on to mom's and Chinese food
Hope the rain ends soon
Tonight we ride the trolley
Dec 2019 · 24
Faith Fetters II
Jason James Dec 2019
I don't know what to pray for
I know what I want
But it's not worth invoking God.
So I cross my fingers
The smoke lingers
I hope to get lucky.
If I could afford it
I'd answer prayers and wishes,
If I had dish soap I'd do the dishes,
Ugly *******...

I used to mastermind reality
Now I'm caught in the current
Of a neverending tide
Embracing my frailty
And failures.

What new adventures will going with the flow bring?
Who controls these things?
God wouldn't leave me hanging
But I've forgotten how to use my prayers
I've forgotten how to care
The end of telepathy
And empathy
And just me
For a high,
Whilst I still get by
Let April come and take it away
She stole my noose
Looks like I'll survive it.
I have two friends and a cousin
I could always ask them
But be in their debt.
I have a brother I don't talk to
Who could lend me a gun
And give me a bullet,
I could end it.
Faith fetters
All the brilliance once written
Just letters
From the me
I used to be.
Cross my fingers and wish to be happy,
I just want to get high
And I've forgotten how to pray.
Dec 2019 · 29
Brown Down
Jason James Dec 2019
4 hours and patience tested
Drank 8 beers and then I rested
Brown down and now we await the white
Friday night
I'll be up late waiting
Brother to Satan
And I don't believe in Santa.
Where there's a will there's a way
But where's Will
Need to melt a rock and chill
Need to drink a beer and smoke a cigarette,
$25 a piece for my kids on Christmas
No regret
We gave in that day
And did it like we wanted
I'm haunted by the taste
Don't let it go to waste.
Living off the system
******* on a stem
How the mighty have fallen,
But better times than this are calling
Jesus is risen
CIA concoction
My lighter is almost dead
Just three blasts
Some yeahs and plays
And I'll be ready for bed
Call me soon
So I may resume
My flights of fancy
Come through for me
We're fast friends
Let our dalliance
Never end.
Dec 2019 · 31
I Just Don't Get It
Jason James Dec 2019
How have you survived so long?
How do you have a girlfriend?
Three baby's mama's
Five kids you don't see?
What would you do without me
The easy mark?
I just don't get it.
You can fill your veins with junk
But can't afford to put gas in your car,
How did you make it this far
And where do you plan on going from here?
Dec 2019 · 101
Steve Wilkos
Jason James Dec 2019
You scream and cry
You're only a fool.

Air your ***** laundry on national TV.
It seems insane to me.

All to get the truth
On stage
Where the lie detector test is the proof
You didn't need to be together anyway.
Dec 2019 · 33
This Is Your Last Stop
Jason James Dec 2019
This is the last stop
Before the streets
The trap house
Or prison.

Don't push it.

Pitch in,
Hell, clean.
Do some dishes.

After me you and Ashlee have nowhere to go
But down.

Don't take advantage
Don't lie
Don't try to scam me
And don't try to include me in your *******,
You're my cousin and I love you
But your an addict.
I can't help anyone who won't help themselves,
It's *****
And infested with fruit flies
But this isn't hell
It's my home.

After here
You're on your own
Don't **** this up 'cuz.
Don't make me regret it.
Dec 2019 · 32
Why Worry
Jason James Dec 2019
Since my sister and mother found out
Cousin Michael moved in
They're worried I'll get addicted to ******,
But that's not me
I don't have an addictive personality
I use drugs recreationally
And at the end of the day it's just me
Lying down to sleep
No appetite, no crave, no hunger.
I've been alive longer than I had hoped
I'm too old and wise to get addicted to dope
Drugs are just an escape anyway
A way to play when bored
I tell them not to worry
And hope they take me at my word
Needless concern
Oneday they'll learn
I do drugs
Drugs don't do me
I have sense and sensibility
And I'll be fine.
I prefer crack anyway.
Dec 2019 · 21
Jason James Dec 2019
You took my noose to use as a tie off
And inadvertently saved me,
You tie me off rough but shoot me up gently,
It's nice to have a woman in this house again,
Can't seem to understand why you're with my cousin
Other than ******.
You can do better than him.
You're in the kitchen and I'm writing this poem for you.
You're kinda cute
But I could never love you.
I can't love anybody anymore
But it doesn't mean I don't care.
Dec 2019 · 55
Drinking With The Gnats
Jason James Dec 2019
I try to get drunk with the fruit flies,
They tend to my empties
Circling and scurrying along the rims.
I wait for Mike or William
To come over and get me high
To help me get by for another week
To feed my addiction,
But otherwise my days are spent alone at home
In front of the TV
Lying on a broken loveseat
Smoking cheap cigars
And eating convenient store cheeseburgers.
I try to get drunk with the fruit flies
So at least I'm not drinking alone
Dec 2019 · 41
Silent Suffering
Jason James Dec 2019
I've let it happen again,
Strangers with no respect,
This time I lost a shirt
And pants
And a tie.
I don't know why I try,
It always seems like a good deal
Until my life is disturbed.
I love too much
And I get hurt.
For what it's worth
I'm not done yet,
Forgive them,
Never forget,
'Cause I'm the only one left
And there's nothing after me
So I'll let it be
And be ready
For my kindness
To backfire
On me.
About **** time
I learned my lesson.
Dec 2019 · 1.0k
The Real Danger
Jason James Dec 2019
The real danger isn't in lying to people.
It's in telling them the truth.
Jason James Dec 2019
Mike came
From drinking beer and smoking **** behind cloud nine,
And he brought William,
And William brought crack.

Michael moved in
Kicked out of his mother's he had no place to go,
He calls me bro
Though we're only cousins
And he brought ******.

Now I do ******* drugs
Instead of just smoking and drinking
And I've found a place where I fit in,
Just another user
Not a loser but not quite winning
Waiting on the days I smoke crack
And shoot up ******,
No shame
And no one to blame but myself
But it's time off from hell
And I always am in need of a fix.
It starts like this
And can end anytime
These things are not mine
They're gifts given freely
Guess it just comes with the territory.
When you live in sloth and filth
The drugs will find you.
Dec 2019 · 40
Jason James Dec 2019
Cut the white rock
Load the AK or the stem
Turn it up and then
Put the flame to it,
Pull it hard as you lower the crack pipe
Get your hit
Hold it
Recycle it
And as you exhale
Feel the rush
Ears ringing
Calm and jittery.
It's all in the world that it should be
A few minutes
A few hours
Repeat as needed.
Dec 2019 · 37
Jason James Dec 2019
Wake up and drink two warm beers
Smoke some menthol cigars
Walk to the store
Pick up two four packs, smokes,
Two double cheeseburgers, come back home
And wait.
Will there be ****** with Michael?
Crack with William?
**** with Mike?
Every aquantence a drug for the doing,
And I
Beer and cigarettes whilst I wait
To see
What this Friday
Has to offer me.
I am blessed with free drugs
And friendship
I forgo love for the bliss that drugs bring
Without strings.
I am not an addict
Not yet
But I inhale
And I stain
And I seldom pay.
As is my lot
To be there for those the world forgot.
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