Didn't eat til 3
at 10 it’s screaming
-sinking stability

Dear Mama,
   I don't think you ever taught me to love.

With much indifference,
-Grinding rocks

bra down
pearls clumped
eyes lusted towards headword pen
lips parted
with soldiers to her back
she's a picturesque statue

happy doesn't pay
-neither does depression

I told her I loved girls
but I hated her
-what made it easy

Death is so far off
but I can feel it still
-dawning my grey pearls

There is nothing for me
-Why won't I leave

Sad little girls
dancing tiptoes
in a drafty lane
-child's goggles

When I was born
across the galaxy
it was too
-depression is just
  missing what only
  you know

I'm writing over
their worlds

That other girl is gone
Ellis is all that is left

Sweet child
Sometimes its ok to
close your eyes
-bruised sockets

Rushing swell of numb
I'm spinning

Running
Running on
Running out
-Which is it?

the day my handwriting
became adult
-I linked the chain

drawing fingers
with hither accuse
-all of him

Please just stop for a minute
and look
-my eyes are dull

God I'm gone
and so are you
-my bedside prayer

something's gone awry
I'm just not sure of what
-Lost: Something
-Reward: My 1,000 sunsets

on or off
I'm not flipping the switch

witches can only burn
-stake and gasoline

And mama your child is gone

It's flowing endless
but only 1% is salvaged
-flooding garbage cans

girls with lost sparkle
floating in seas of untouchable plastic
-to the over 35's

bye bye mama
-losing voices

something's going to hit
something's going to work
-bathroom floor pep-talks

monsters lurking in beds
with welcome smiles

She was taught to be pretty
But don't you know?
Ruby red slippers were made to hide the blood

it’s ok to love yourself
    it’s ok to let go of the hate
         -what i wish she had known

here is
   ME
one
       two
              three
me

here I STAND
feet scarred by    the    Land
by the    MAN
Begotten by the son of MAN

forgotten by    the    SON
held down by his    GUN

me who has been  
      SHUN

they move    ON
they ride away at    DAWN

GONE
GONE
GONE

They who felt the   DRILL
of the ****

AND you listener can you    GUESS ?
here let me put you to the TEST.

women born without their DRESS
are still those of the        BREAST.

THIS MUST BE
                                             StReSsEd


her life was in their    HANDS
YOUR HANDS
as they dragged her to the        BADLANDS.

they are to blame
OUR CULTURE IS TO blame.

Brittany White
Muhlaysia Booker
Chynal Lindsey
these their NAME.

black trans    WOMEN

she never asked to    SWIM IN

so take my   QUOTE
it's dead bodies that   FLOAT.

eyes downcast and heart heavy
my mother still smiles

here is the
moon filled sky.

this is the town
of sleepy wanders.

these are the
star-lusted street lamps.  

these are the houses
where they roam.

this is the sidewalk
where she has pondered.

here is the house
of quiet lone.

where she has
escaped to the back-porch.

To be anyone else in the world must on some passion feel grand
implanted in the seed of the vast growth of humanity
here i stand
me as i am
   -you can find me on Pluto II

Sometimes the desire to shake the shackles of
soul and sin arises
   -You can find me on Pluto

There is something so raw about poetry
You need people to know
but not them
Not the ones you see everyday
but strangers?
     -Yeah They'll Do

Today it all just crumbled
There I felt again
And I'm sorry to say
     -I fell

I lived by Catholic faith and law
so when I dream of her
it makes me nervous
   -I still think of him too

drip
drink
drop
down the well
we
  f
    a
        l
           l

And I looked myself in the eyes
And found I had run off again
      -Tell me if you see her

Ellis isn’t real
Dissipates after quick google search
But here she breathes

Wisdom arbitrarily determined
By tallied walls
Gains nothing but past mistakes
And generations’ stupidity

We hauled ourselves to wealth and safety
But we forgot them.
   -whoever they were

I bought it
hanging purple
size double zero
in my closet
I won't let it go

I wonder
when I'll be able to put it on
when my body won't roll
when I'll be accepted
for who I am
And not the 129.6 pounds I held this morning

I run at five a.m. sometimes  
the face of diet culture
before the sun
c o m e s    up
with only moonlight to path my way
only venturing out
when my weight
drops, drops
d
   o
      w
          n
with my depression

.2 or more is the minimum
the equivalent of an extra cookie
a glass of water, a second helping
and my worth

I'm scared someone will see
my flaws

16 counted, growing
you taught them to me
shouted via ads
and social cues
and who you'll let on tv

my face, 4 pimples today
with rounded cheeks
I don't want to be the fat one
the ugly one
the girlfriend's best friend
the duff
the dud

But me is all that's left
1 fat duffy dud of a best friend

And as it is now
what value do I have

Writing is like a road map
carving directions
through times of trouble and hardship
in little yellow lines
it tells us the way
and keeps us on our journey