This Pisces Energy
Is so heavy.
Lately, I’ve felt like I’m shrinking
And honestly, the idea of slinking
Back into my shell seems so ideal
To avoid everything that’s real.
Expansion hurts, and it’s terrifying.
Everything is unraveling.
Tearing at the seams
And I’ve been experiencing emotions to the most extremes
And often, I wish I could hide
From them but I can’t ignore what’s on the inside.
I’ve often been afraid to see
What comes up from the depths of me.
I have to remind myself that it’s okay to feel a little broken, shattered
When reaching out for what I desire has me feeling a bit torn, tattered.
There’s happiness in the heartache,
Right in the mistake;
Clarity in the confusion,
Comfort in seclusion.
I will never have a sense of stability
If I continue searching for it externally.
Where do I belong?
I found that all along
My heart is my home
When I’m on my own.
What’s left but to let go of that which is not true
So I can be woven into something new?
Even the most rigid of glass can be smoothed by the sea
I’ll be tossed among these waves until I’m finally set free.

So I’ll love deeply
And live wildly
As I was created to be.

A plant
Ripped out of the Earth
Dirt falls as roots dangle
Reaching down
Grasping for the ground
The nutrients…
How long can I survive like this?
I’ve been resilient to weather
To the tread of feet
But how can I continue on
So… ungrounded?

Need. My. Mother. Back

Where I’ll be replanted
I don’t know
But it won’t be anyone else’s garden bed
But my own
Where I have the most room to grow
Deep and wide into the Earth, I’ll go
And gaze upward to the Sky
Opening up to the Sun Rays and Rain

Fire, Water
Earth, Air
Roots. Heart. Crown.

I once was a seedling
But there’s a flower waiting
To emerge from my flesh
As the light consumes the dark
And as they become one
I Become One with Myself
My strength flows in my Soul-Veins
And this is what sustains
Every. Single. Cell
Inside my physical body

My courage remains, always

Get me off this ride of Emotions
Growing tired of the mental commotion
I’ve been slowly unpacking my bags
But I keep getting distracted
And my feet begin to drag
Walking around in circles
Looking for an answer from an external
Source
Losing sight of the course
And then I realize I’m lost
And overwhelmed, under the shadow of exhaust
Maybe I just need to stay still before moving forward
Delving inward
Introspection
Of my own reflection
Staring back at me
Sometimes I’m afraid of what I’ll see
All the hurt I’ve carried for so long
And all that I’ve ever done wrong
Unknowingly
After acting impulsively
And the past is just waiting to collapse underneath
But if it crumbles, where will I be?
I’m either falling…
Or transcending.
I have the choice to make
Because this present moment is mine to create.
And it’s becoming more evident every day
That in letting it all go, it is going to be okay.

Sometimes the chapter doesn’t end the way you predicted
It’s on a cliff hanger but you can’t read ahead
Because it’s not time yet
You’re too tired
You need rest
But what the hell comes next
And you’ll lose a little bit of sleep over it
But isn’t that life?
You make your bed, you lay in it
But your dreams aren’t always pleasant.
What the **** is up with soggy pizza, anyway?
Walked out on a peer
Expecting you to be there
But all I saw was a girl, drunk
With some lake water logged dough.
She offered me some, but I passed her up
And proceeded down the planks to find you
But I couldn’t go any further because it ended
At the dark, murky edge.
****, I see your hands when I look at mine
And you are standing in front of me
When I close my eyes.
Coming face with reality,
But what is it anyway?
Woke up and felt like these past months were all a dream
2019
All the agony
Of losing you
Was all I felt to be true.
Emotional distress,
Was what I saw in my lack of rest.
A million tear meltdown
I just cried
These past two years held inside

And there’s that whisper, be here now
Even in the darkness
These shadows of pain
And psychological disdain

It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay
It’s not the end
Just a new beginning
That hurts as bad
And it’s the past that makes me sad
Much more than the present
Maybe it’s about time I let it go, I let you go
And even when I can’t seem to
What else is there to do?
Just feel it out,
Ride it out,
These Ocean waves
Tumbling me across
The Stormy seas
It’s much more than the gentle breeze
I felt when I caressed your face
While getting lost in your gaze.
I thought I was ready for this
But all I wanted was the bliss
Holding you close, heart on the mend
Now alone with my own dread
Waking up
With nightmares of you dying,
And me without you, crying.

Carrying a torch together,
We can’t forget about our own.
Tend to yours, I’ll tend to mine
And I’ll lend you my flame
When yours begins to fade
And I only hope you’ll do the same

She still stands, vibrant as ever
Despite the short days
Despite the cold creeping in
Alone in the shadows of the mighty trees
Allowing just enough sun through to let her thrive
Day after day, I stumble upon her beauty
And she doesn't cease to remind me
That all we need is the soil to root in
That all we need is the light to breathe in

Sleep. Crawl out of bed. Coffee. Walk. Eat.

Sleep. Eat. Sleep.
Repeat.
Deep. Rest.
Depressed.
So
Obsessed
With
How I feel -
What’s even real?
Tell me
Because
I don’t know,
Maybe just leave me alone.
In my comfort zone
That is becoming hell.
Stuck in a shell
That is crushing me,
It’s getting smaller,
I can’t breathe.

Help me… crawl. Out.

S p r a w l o u t
G i v e  m e  s o m e

S      P     A     C     E

and some fresh air
In case
I run out of it here…