She was beautiful and so full of life
She was as bright as the sun
She brought a smile to anyone she met and to anyone that she saw
She was brave
She was fearless..or was thought to be anyway
She was unforgettable until they forgot her
She was like a flame until they put her out
She was like a lion until the poachers came
She was like a wild flower until they picked her
She was like a tree.. oh so full of happiness until they cut her happiness down.
She was everything until they made her nothing
She was kind
She was.

I wish I could love like they do
I wish I could understand like they do
I wish  I didn't feel trapped or enclosed
I wish I didn't have to feel different  
I wish I could control myself
I wish I could be anything he wanted
I wish I wasn't so awkward
I wish I could be more brave
I wish I wasn’t so afraid  
I wish I could… just….
I wish I could…

My mothers love was different.
Instead of kisses she gave me bruises.
Instead of hugs she gave me cuts.
On holidays she would just sleep.
On birthdays she would forget unless you where "important".
She was an addict they would say.
She was always mad at me.
She would always say the meanest of things.
She would often say things that burned you inside...
Things that ate at you.
Depression was a gift she gave to me.
I was the mom...That's what others would say...
I was the big sister so I was supposed to make sure the kids went to the doctors or ate or went to school.
But... It was okay.
the bruises not yet healed.
its okay.
The cuts now scars.
that's okay.
Me having to take care of everything.
Its okay.
The birthdays forgotten.
Its fine
the gift of depression you gave to me...
I loved it mom... Thank you.
The never ending words that eat you inside out.
Those words can stay if they'd like.
the cold feeling of loneliness.
Its fine.
All I ever truly wanted was to hear you voice.
for you just to say "I love you" and to mean it every step of the way.
I just wanted a hug.
But its okay.
Now I see you looking afraid and lost... Do you need a hug?
Do you need a kiss?
Would you care for a talk to let those negative emotions out?
I'm here for you even if you leave me?
I forgive you just say you'll forgive me to....
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you I loved you.
I couldn't tell you I loved you and meant it.
But that's okay I hope?
Is that okay?
My mother loved me.
She just showed it in different ways...
My Mothers "Love".

Me.
Me.
Me.
Why not me?
Me.
Me.
Me.
Why not me?
Me.
Me.
Me.
...

She forgot about "we".
She forgot about "us"
She forgot about "they"
She was to trapped in the word "me" that she was to blind to see
She forgot about "we"

He doesn't want you, he's got someone new
He doesn't love you, he loves someone new
He doesn't need you, he's has someone new

He doesn't want you.

But that doesn't mean no one else does
He doesn't want you but another will
He doesn't love you but another will
He doesn't need you but another will
He'll go away but another will stay
he doesn't deserve you anyway
  He doesn't.

like the sun into the night you where gone
like a bird taking flight you where gone
like the moon in the light you where gone
only because I didn't open the doors for you
because I refused to give you the key
because I was scared
scared you'd do this to me.

One day if I work hard enough i'll find myself.
One day I will no longer be lost at sea.
One day I will truly believe.
One day when life stops I will truly see.
One day.
One day just One day.
I will learn to truly love.
I will learn to Understand the non understandable.
One day.
Just One day.
One day.

my     love
to you               I give a rose.
A                                      pedal
for a                                 wish
that you                           will be mine
for it is                        you I pick.
   A rose             for a rose.
        A love      for
                  a
                       love.
          A rose
                     for
                  a
                        rose.
              My
                  heart
       for
               yours

Hungry for more
Hungry for beginnings
Hungry for endings
Hungry for love
Hungry for happiness
Hungry for a life
So hungry that you do not realize you have this all.
Hungry

You told me you loved me even when you didn't
just to keep me satisfied.
you told me I was your world even when I wasn't
just to keep me satisfied.
you told me that I was your everything even when I was nothing
just to keep me satisfied.
you said it was the truth even when it wasn't
just to keep me satisfied.
you told me you wanted me even though you didn't
just to keep me satisfied.
you told me every heart warming thing even though I knew...
it was all just to keep me satisfied.
But I wasn't.
I never was satisfied.
I wasn't satisfied with your lies.
I wasn't satisfied knowing the truth not told by you.
I wasn't satisfied with you.
I never was.

playing
laughing
finding more
learning more
seeing more
hearing more
loving more
admire

fall slowly
for a person
who just wanted
to play
a game

Can you see my struggle?
Can you see my pain?
Can you see my past?
Can you see my family?
Can you see my rage?
Can you see my depression?
Can you see my faith?
Can you see me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear my struggle?
Can you hear my pain?
Can you hear my screams?
Can you hear my depression?
Can you hear my voice, who I really am?
Can you see me? can you hear me?
No.
Because you never really tried and you never will.

cover her body from left to right
from top to bottom
bruises that name her
memories that make her
past lovers that attempted to brake her
bruises of life and love
wounds that cover her soul
scars show shes a fighter
eyes that tell her story
hands that hold her
legs that keep her up
a soul that flies with the angles
bruises cover her
they tell her story
and hold her battles
they make her stronger
with every pain that goes her way
she stands straight and strong with her bruises
as her trophy showing her beauty.
bruises.

if only I could hold you close
If only you would stay
If only time would obey

we fell in love
we where one
time brought us together...
and tour us apart
I just wish I had more time with you...
Time.

You picked them.
You picked her.
You picked him.
Why not us?
You loved them.
You loved the taste.
You loved the smells.
You loved the sights.
You loved her.
You loved him.
Why not us?
You admired them.
You admired her.
You admired him.
Why not us?
You never left them.
You never left her.
You never left him.
Why leave us?

A life cycle moving and changing as time passes by
A life cycle cycling till the days and nights die
A life cycle waiting to start again once it ends
A life cycle Cycling threw time and space threw the passing days
A life cycle growing, changing, learning
Death passes by
A life cycle starts again cycling its cycle till the end of time.

Anger.
Rage.
A feeling of hate.
A feeling that takes control and doesn't let go.
A feeling that makes you believe that hate is the only way.
A way of life. Or so they say.
Some believe its the only way.
Some believe it takes control,
Some believe its choice.
Anger.
Rage.
A feeling of hate.
Dose it make you sad to be mad?
Dose it make a tears fall from your eyes and land on you face?
Dose it make you feel unforgivable or unloved?
Dose it make you feel as if the world is targeting you?
Anger...
Rage...
Its an everyday thing. Is it?
Is it up to you to decide or is it just destiny, destined to be perhaps?
Perhaps its just a word?
Perhaps its a way?
dose it makes you?
Do you let it in?
Anger.
Rage.
A feeling of hate.

Love for me is it even a thing?
Will I be held by another?
Will I truly be loved?
May I let go of all that worry me and hope you wont brake me?
Will I ever be free?
Love for me?
Is it even a thing?
Can it happen?
Is it true?

"You should be more happy"
"Okay" she replies
"You should eat more"
"Okay" she replies
"You should believe more"
"Okay" she replies
"No one likes you"
"Okay" she replies
"You should just die"
"Okay...." she hesitates to replies
Then a long silent pause
Children scream to see a sight...
An awful sight of a girl who has jumped off the roof of the school
With an awful painting on the floor that she splat upon...
Splats of red and the letters "OK" lay beside her

You loved him
You did all you could for him
You tried for him
You cried for him
You ended things for him
You started things for him
You broke for him
You changed for him
You trusted him
And he used you...
And he lied to you
And as you slept with him he went off to sleep with another
As you loved him he loved another
As you changed for him he changed for another
As you broke for him he grew for another
As you tried for him he tried for another
And he left you for that other.