I think
That in another universe
We fell in love
With each other first
And it all worked out
To me
That is nothing
If not a small comfort

Here’s to the love poems
That are all about you
That I will never write

And boys dressed in black,
buttoned up and playing pianos
Walk across the tightropes behind my eyes
That form the cobwebs of my hollow mind

The air between my ears fills with music
There is silence underneath—
Still and very sweet
Being drowned by harmonies

And the ground shakes
I sink down into the stars—
Captivated

By boys dressed in black,
Buttoned up and playing pianos

I know that I
Haven’t been sleeping much
And I don’t know why but
This things that’s keeping me up
Even waking me up
You never even notice my
Open eyes and deep sighs
Under the covers, together but alone

I gave my virginity to a stranger
And when it was over
I told myself this was the best day
Of my entire life
I’d become a woman
I’d make my own decisions
But as I sit here alone,
Drinking too-bitter coffee
I watch gentle held hands
I think of setting myself on fire
Maybe then I’d feel clean
And be rid of this sin

As I sit on the rooftop
Listening to angels sing
The lights on the street
Make it to bright to see
Those stars, so beloved to me
But the lights on the ground
Reflect in the snow
Stars on the earth
And I hear the angels
Welcome me home

You’re still a stranger
Though you hurt me once
Once in a nightmare

When all of your dreams
Are nightmares,
Which one do you hope
Comes true?

I’m drowning
In a wicked sea
Pretending to be
A life raft
Collecting the weary
And instead
We’re all just
Sinking together

How is it
That I’m so sad
For losing something
That I never had

How is it
I’m so in love
Heart broken for one
I never even knew

Withered
Emaciated
He reaches for more

That’s enough
I said
And ****** it away

Hollow
He stares
He is starved

He cowers from his sins
Disgusted by his skin
His flesh that crawls
From shriveled up bones
For his sins he cannot atone
He is alone

This weakness deep within
Another’s patience wears thin
His eyes that wander
He is lost on his own
For his sins he cannot atone
He is alone

“There’s no use” she said
From upon my bed
As I tossed her her head
Nearly rotten, Nearly dead
Where she lay, upon my bed

I felt my face go red
On my hard earned bread
She was well beyond fed
Nearly rotten, Nearly dead
Get up, from off my bed

He teetered on the edge
Of the shoddy stone wall
He sneered from the height
His waxen wings aflame
In the shining light of the sun,
In the glaring heat of the day
“Careful” warned I
Thou goest before the fall

I sat with him
Until he told me his name
The place from where he came
We sat and we talked
His knees tucked to chin
Never once did he look at me
Never once did he sin
He just guided my hands
To the place he had been
He curled up my fist
And told me to aim
Strike hard and fast
Before they hurt you again

What a grisly set of twins
Brother and sister
One could scarcely tell
Where one begins
At the others end
“I want it, I’ll take it”
Said he, beside she
Who proclaimed
“I want it, I hate
That they’ve got it“
Such a fine and shifting line
Between these

Why must you all be the same
You think with your bodies first
And then with your head
I thought you needed a friend

I don’t know why I give kindness
To strangers so undeserving
I thought all you needed
Was a friend

There is something different
About the grief you feel
For what could have been
The first kiss that won’t be had
The tomorrow that won’t be lived
I never even touched you
But oh,
     The things
            that could
    have been

This side of my skin
Is for me
It’s for you
I don’t let just anyone see
It’s for your smile
And your blue eyes
And your sweet laugh
It’s for your gentle hands
For your tender touch,
This side of my skin

if his scent
                 was
             on
        my
            bedsheets
i don’t think
i’d
   ever
leave

I’d rather see the good in 1000 people
And be wrong 999 times
Than to see the bad in 1000 people
And right every single time

I look at the nightshade
And I wonder
How sweet
                   do its berries
                                           taste?

To the time a man thought he needed to mansplain my own poem to me

Your eyes used to be home
Blue as a summer breeze
And a smile warmer than sunshine
And a soul brighter than the stars
Your arms like four walls about me
But I only felt them once

If you try
To back-pedal
            l
          l
        i
     h
   p
U
All you will do
Is c  a  h the bike
      r  s

I wanna have your babies
I think every time I see you
Your curly hair
And silly socks
Your freckles and smile
I just want to be with you

But I know I’m nothing
I’m too ugly for you
I’ve seen the girls you’ve done
I’m not nearly on par
In spite of my best effort

I’m not even sure
You’d want me if I tried
I just wish
That I had the courage
To ask

The demon bellowed out a laugh
“You think I want your prayers?”
He cackled as dust rained
Down from the cavern top
She flinched away in fear

“Do you see this throne?”
He asked, “Do you see it?
Do you know what it’s made of?
Little girl do you know?
It’s made from the bones.”

“The bones of who?”
She asked, weak and scared
“The bones of the men
Who would make me their god.”
He scoffed, “I do not need your prayers.”

“You’ve misunderstood.”
His laughter boomed,
“Then enlighten me mortal.”
She bowed again, a picture of grace
“You’ve misunderstood.”

“It is not to you that I wish to pray,
But for you.”

The demon stood
And looked her down
“What do you have,
To trade with me
This fine day?”

His throne of bones
Was crumbling away
His mountain of riches
Tarnished and cold
And he was alone

The girl bowed down
“I’ve no wealth at all
And a soul not to speak of
My hearts gone rusty
And my body’s not much”

The demon sat
And listed to her plea
”Then what do you have?
Have you anything at all?
For long have I been alone.”

“I haven’t much
This I know but
I have just one thing
To offer, the only thing,
That I have left.”

“My prayer.”

Under cotton candy clouds
In the pink setting sun
I wonder how your voice will sound
If your smile will glow like the sun
If your hand will be soft
And your laugh will be warm
I wonder long and alone

I wish I wasn’t made of paper
Today
In the trash
A crumpled drawing
A child’s rainbow
With anger for red
And fear instead of orange
Cowardice replaces yellow
Existential dread in a sickly shade of green
Deep and burning sadness roiling in blue
Indigo frustration bleeds across the page
Violet colored love
And overwhelming clouds of ash

My body is a temple
Though not yet old—
It crumbles still
It’s missing stones
And the alter’s cracked
It’s survived wars
You see
And terror
It harbors untold evils—
Spirits of those lost
But not quite forgotten

My body is a temple
Built by sinners’ hands
On my alter lies
The gifts of sinful men—
Those who have worshipped here
Some who would worship still
Cast out, by the god
Who still awaits a priest

My body is a temple,
Yes, but I am the god
To which it is devoted
I have given refuge
To many a broken wanderer
They have rested, fed
And been sent on their way
But they have not all
Been so kind
They have taken stones
From their mortar
Glass from its panes
Flowers from their vases
Light from its sconces

My body is a temple
Deep within this forest
Wrapped in vines
And shrouded in shadow
Blooming with flowers
And blazing with light
So I ask before you kneel
Do you worship here in vain?
For far have you traveled
Do you wish to stay?
For every god
Needs a priest

My body is a temple,
That much may be true
But it is not just any temple
It is mine

In my soul I feel
Bones
Scattered in the dust-
Stricken-
In the sun

Perhaps
The fruit forbidden
Sweetest tastes

But
Shall my tongue
Ever know the taste

Today
When I touched
Her hand
I felt a spark
Something easy
And effortless
Likes a spring breeze
No amount of prayer
Can cure this disease
This fire within me
And these
Subtle imaginings

How do I say no
To this beauty
That she holds?
Is she too far
From me?
I felt something
When I touched
Her hand
Today

For when I saw her
My heart fell open

For she did more than sing
With her words she made love

For with the notes
Her heart did spill

For when I saw her
I fell in love

There are so many people inside me that some days I don’t know who I am

Their voices are so loud I don’t know which is mine

I have lived a thousand lives

I have walked a thousand miles

I have loved and laughed and cried

I have been full

And empty

And on my worst days, both together

I am a jumble

I am incoherent and confused

I am alone

And I am unsound