it’s better to stop looking when there’s nothing to find
you’ll look to everyone who has ever touched your soul in some way, and then you’ll feel their absence
you’ll search through the horizons and stars, and then you’ll realize there’s nothing they can offer you
you’ll challenge God, and then he will challenge you back

be careful where you go looking
because when your hands come back empty
there will be nothing to clutch for comfort except the knowledge of your failure

This house looks so dingy from the outside
That travelers who stop to rest
Won’t even stay long enough for the home cooked meal-
Sweet soups with nuts sprinkled with cinnamon and bread rising in the oven
They don’t even stay long enough to see the garden I planted last spring
They never stay
Although I can’t help how things look on the outside
I try to patch the decomposing siding
I try to hold it together the best that I can
But I can’t
I can never make them stay
Please stay

you formed in the dark, from the ashes and mist of a young world
and that’s where you’ve lamented ever since
always on the verge, but never quite able to make it to daybreak
and now, I feel you on the horizon
I see you in the deep violet of pines against the sky
And hear you in the breathy wind, something violent and distant
I know it’s not right to look for you in dark, but I know it’s not right to pretend you haven’t always been here
Why is that you always lurk in the most eery places?

I did not ask for commentary on my life
Never once did I compel you to speak your mind
Since all the sweetness of my youth appears so alluring to your burnt out eyes,
Quench their dryness with the drink of the devil
Maybe then you will be satiated
Maybe then you will not feel the need to murmur that my earrings look so nice
Or how you’d like to touch them
Oh, how I abhor your commentary on my life

Maybe it’s hard to understand
Why I feel that I must test my tea before sipping it
But I simply do not wish to burn my tongue
I’d rather be able to savor it
Take it in all it’s splendid form
Than to never have drank it all
Because this is not complacency, you see
This is experiencing life in its full form
Prior to living to its full extent

You send me back to a time
Where I was nothing more than a mound of flesh- here for the taking

And now in all my earthly form
I watch you drive away in that ******* car
With someone who is much, much more
Than a bundle of nerves and nicotine

There’s something wretched about the way you move
Maybe it’s the distorted curve of your spine
Or the ghastly shade of pale that we all share
Better yet, maybe it’s the way you thrive from burying all those with an ounce of light within them

That’s all wrong, though; what really bothers me
is that you remind me of myself
not too long ago- not long ago at all