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 Apr 2020 Lesley mendoza
Anne B
I don’t mind if I’m alone
I don’t mind if you throw me away
I don’t mind if they say you’re no good
I don’t mind if you go up and down
I don’t mind if you go away in your mind
I don’t mind if you are a scarred soul
I don’t mind if you tense when I ask you ‘why’
I don’t mind that you don’t fit in a group
I don’t mind that they talk about you
I don’t mind that you stroke my hair
I don’t mind your kisses
I don’t mind your own space
I don’t mind if you touch me
I don’t mind your warm hands
I don’t mind you
In fact, I don’t mind that your nose sometimes was in the way when I kissed you
I don’t mind that you didn’t meet me at the train station
I don’t mind the cold water between us
I don’t mind your wars
I don’t mind your peace
I don’t mind smile
I don’t mind how you laugh at my clumsiness
I don’t mind your presence in my life

What I do mind:
the sorrow you brought upon my kingdom
when you stopped singing and when you
stopped talking, and asked me to leave and
said ‘goodbye’

And I tensed.

**8.06.14
I don't know anymore.
In search of the human mind.

Diffrent thoughts crossed my mind.
A few conclusions I did find.
The human mind can go on with out a stop.
Reciveing to much input.
Danger, before you blow your top.

I got it all figured it out, not quiet yet
It is at the tip of my mind.
Have my brain cells run out of think.
Only when it comes to love, I am blind.
Are you just being lazy, you fell to quick.

You have to give me some help.
Or what use are you for me.
Open the way to see.
Only you can unlock the door.
Unfold the future, you hide the key.

Do you want to be the kind of mind.
The one who needs to live on pills.
Every mind comes with addiction.

The mind is not easy to read like a book.
The mind limits your judgement, with just one look.
The mind plays tricks, you better believe.
The mind is related to the heart, sending signals together.
The mind works when the body's asleep. (A dream the mind put it there)
The mind creates beauty wonders of the world.
The mind is a soft whisper, like our concsious.
The mind is so devieous, tricky, can outsmart anyone.
The mind is a beautiful thing to waste.
The mind can journey, with out leaving its nest.
The mind is knowledge, many fail to explore.
The mind is a traveler far and beyound.
The mind is like a paint brush, colorful art.
The mind is a creature, who hides in a cave.
The mind is like pain, don't stop in its way.
The mind is like a mime who dose not talk at all.
The mind is like a pair of shoes.
With out the mind you are nothing at all.
One can not live with or without the other.

The bottom line,  the mind is a mystery!
Please continue with the hunt!
P.D. was here!  All copy  writes belong to me!
 Apr 2020 Lesley mendoza
sara
pull me through time pull me through rips in the universe that my gods scratched with harsh voices
bask in the pale of ignorance and the lack of structure in my words
bathe in my pretentiousness
and look for the beauty
in the small things
the spot on her nose and the way a pine tree smells
scream scream scream because i'm almost something scream scream scream because i can't feel who i am from the inside of myself scream scream scream because i have lost so much i have suffocated a person inside of me scream scream scream
whisper whisper because i hurt myself today whisper whisper because there's ink in my veins now whisper whisper there's purple underneath my nails and it isn't my own whisper whisper whisper
i'm turning my suffering down so i can fit into the lives of others and be comfortable i cannot bare to take up all the space my body wants me too
what will happen?
i will slip under the quicksand and my body will go back to the earth
which is pretty okay all considering I CAN HEAR A CAR SCREECHING I CAN HEAR A LIFE FLEETING I CAN FEEL THE WORLD SPINNING AROUND ME I COULD JUMP OFF I COULD JUMP OFF IF I COULD FIND AN EDGE
it's 11:57 pm
 Apr 2020 Lesley mendoza
Marty
Scream! Scream! To the heavens I scream! For one drop of mercy, I scream! On the parched earth a bended knee raises the dust. Tear soaked eyes refuse to raise the brow. Rivers of love dissappearing upon the cheek. Not a hand reaches down, not even one. As I scream! And scream! From heaven a gentle beam, yet I only scream! The blackest of hearts slowly dies with each agonizing thought. Darkness overshadows the glorious love. Blood runs cold and washes away with a dissappearing love. Upon the cheek memories fade and the ravens devour the soul. And, I scream! For the return of love I scream! No greater agony persist than that of true loves dagger to the heart. For love I scream! For the final breath I scream! For the shadows and confines of darkness I scream! For silence and a deserved rest I scream!
Scream,
Just let it all out,
All that anger you couldn't shake before,
Just scream, make that anger a memeory,
Scream, like it will never end,
Just scream, jump off the deep end,
Scream, nothing can stop you,
From expressing such anger,
Please people, give humanity a riveting call of anger,
Throw a riot, start a banter,
Make people see how delusional they can be,
That they're missing out on the depression that they created,
Scream, and let people know, that you're alive,
Alive and fighting,
For all things to be right,
Scream and let people know they have to fight,
Let them know they're not alone,
Just scream, scream out vengance
Let the anger float to the heavens, and let them know,
Things aren't too good down here,
That they're lucky to be there,
Just scream, scream it to the world,
That they need to change their ways, before its too late,
Just **scream
Go out screaming, Go out strong.
Though
The stars fade
the moon yellows,
and sun begins to follow,
loosing all its brilliant power
the one that makes small things cast big shadows.
When there's nothing left but a dark world full of sorrow's sorrows.
You are the light at the end of my tunnel and my flame for you will only burn brighter by  the morrow
Wrote it on my phone as I fall asleep. May delete or work on it some more tomorrow
Will you still love me

when my makeup’s black smudges

across my face?

Will you still love me

when I drink too much

and bile’s lurking in my mouth?

Will you still love me

when I’m chain-smoking on the porch

and my teeth are all stained?

Will you still love me

when I don’t know what to say

and I can’t make you feel better?

Will you still love me

when I go for long walks

and don’t come back for days?

Will you still love me

when we wake up

and I can’t bare to look at you?

Will you still love me

when I won’t budge

and have stopped making sense?

Will you still love me

When I tell you I just don’t know anymore

and am not sure I ever did?

Will you still love me

when I’m completely reckless

and choose a drug-induced haze?

Will you still love me

when I scream obscenities

and say how much I hate you?

Will you still love me

when I’m restless and impulsive

and decide to drive from Chicago to L.A.?

Will you still love me

when I can’t tell you everything

and need to be alone?

Will you still love me

when I don’t call for days

and then fall in love with you again?

Will you still love me

when I make mistakes

and feel I don’t deserve forgiveness?

Will you still love me

when I question all that I am

and yell that I was never good enough?

Will you still love me

when the music stops

and we can’t think of what to say?

Will you still love me

when I need to write and sktech

and question the value of what I made?

Will you still love me

when my mind is melting

and I act like the shell of who I was?

Will you still love me

when I make stupid jokes

and criticize myself?

Will you still love me

when I don’t want to eat anymore

and survive only on coffee and water?

Will you still love me

when I beg you to sing

and your voice is fading and harsh?

Will you still love me

when I think about my past

and can’t get out of bed?

Will you still love me

when I’m cynical and despondent

and everything’s unreal?

Will you still love me

when I hurt myself

and still feel numb?

Will you still love me

when I don’t make sense

and I need to destroy ****?

Will you still love me

when I admit how isolated I am

and you can’t convince me to open up?

Will you still love me

when I push you away

and need you to stay?

Will you still love me

when I can’t see straight

and I’m okay with dying?

Will you still love me

when I’m awkward and shy

and do anything to avoid your eyes?

Will you still love me

when I think I want to leave

and know I can’t?

Will you still love me

when I run to the city

and I’m sick of seeing these stars?

Will you still love me

when I’m picky and annoyed

and just need to scream?

Will you still love me

when I tell you what I am

and how you just can’t fix the shattered bits?

Will you still love me

when I need all the blankets

and it’s winter outside?

Will you still love me

when I spend all our money on *****

and cigarettes and pills?

Will you still love me

when I’m losing control

and the only thing spinning is my head?

Will you still love me

when I’ve gone crazy

and won’t listen to a thing you say?

Will you still love me

when I write my world in ink

and eat the pages so you can’t read them?

Will you still love me

when I’ve written this all for you

and it’s not even good?

Will you still love me

when I’ve written this all for you

and won’t ever let you see it?

Will you still love me

when I’ve written this all for you

and will never mention it?

Will you still love me

when I’ve written this all for you

and I’ve lost sleep over you?

Will you still love me

when I’ve written this all for you

and I’ve decided it’s all impossible?

Will you still love me

when I’ve written this all for you

and you couldn’t ever see me “that way”?

Will you still love me

when I’ve written this all for you

and you never even loved me at all?

Could you ever love me

when I’m insane

and too scared to try?

— The End —