Lover, this fear, it swallows me whole
Lover, this fear, is taking its toll
It’s pooling between
My stomach
My spleen
Asphodels made smears of white in
the green
Sighs of the grass as my feet
gently kills it
This heart beating quick till His hand gently stills it
The stillness, fulfillment that’s
Peaceful and smothering
suffering won’t matter when
you realize it’s
Nothing
I look to my lover and see only shade
I’m looking for you
As your face slowly fades
From my mind, from memory
It’s all fading out

This garden lays here with me in the center
Languid and lazy, languish all here who enter  

(my feet planted firmly, im now growing complacent, cause the water is cool and sweet when it rains)

The grass sprouts in soft and the flowers are blooming
The daze of the heat here becomes, all-consuming

(though withered stems once stuck out of the dirt, ive noticed the flowers heads are starting to come in)

The warmth of the sun seems to lull and soothe
a slow beating heart, the troubles of youth

(it seems ive neglected to pull up the weeds)

The dirt remains damp from a rain shower long past
It feels cool against my skin, as sleep closes in fast

(but the flowers are coming in so prettily, and i am becoming quite sleepy)

I could coat this love with chocolate
But, love, that wont stop the rot of it
No matter what I do
You’re still gonna decay
So nothing should stop me from walking away
All these proud words, I’ll still stay
Wouldn’t it not matter for you
either way?

Cause a heart like yours that’s slowly deteriorating
I can promise you, love, is more than infuriating
You trample my flowers
No words, no guilt
I’ll grow them again just to watch them wilt
I’ll grow them and you’ll ruin all that I’ve built
Let’s just cover this heart with a chocolate gilt

And then, replace my soil with
Soiled confections
All in the name of earning
Your bitter affections

I will adorn my arms and legs with bracelets and jewels
I will let my hair grow out and fall to my ankles in pools
Because I am so lovely lovely lovely
I will dress my body with silk cloths and sweet perfumes
And place upon my head a crown of pretty, fragrant blooms
Because I will treat this form lovingly

He gave a gap-toothed grin
I watched it spread across a cute face, dappled
with lovely little angel kisses
and red red cheeks, my rosy apple

(Ego as fragile as the gossamer wings of a fairy
I stood nose to nose with a child, quite contrary)

Everything I do is in fear of him and her
Stick up my chin
To prove to them I’m not so immature

slinking beneath shimmery  skin
Aching and breaking
I’m overwhelmed by these  emotions

One at a time and they each consume me
Body so small,  when they run through me
All my hate
And this fear
Bitterness, despair, and distress
All my love, my ecstasy

All of my happiness

I can only really feel the one.


You say I’m a[censored] and to[redacted]
Then you say
I deserve it cause the way that I’ve acted

Hate to know myself when disconcert
It’s too much (I’m in pain!)
I’m tired of this needless, childish hurt

Comfort me, Lord, my soul is distraught
My mind overwhelmed with all I am not
My body succumbing to destruction and rot
I’m aching aching aching

My Lord, my Lord, my soul aches to feel your presence
Please, allow me some rest
Allow me a little happiness
If you see fit, I’m longing for peace, and only you truly bring peace of mind, allow my soul to find contentment, bring rest to my tired flesh my Lord I long for the rest only your love can bring, because I feel beat down and worn

My body is battered, flesh beat down and worn
My mind day after day dwells only on their scorn
My God, My God, I curse the day I was born