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543 · Jan 2019
Rest
Sumus System Jan 2019
I’m floating now
I’m drifting off
No need somehow
To have blastoff
There is some pain
But nothing bad
I still feel sane
But just a tad
I close my eyes
And ease my breath
No more disguise
A silent death
I shouldn’t go
They’d all be stressed
I wake to woe
Prolong my rest
496 · Jan 2019
Tori
Sumus System Jan 2019
Her name was Tori

She ran like a cheetah
Spots speckled her body
Her hair blew in the wind
Soft laughter escaped her
She ran for enjoyment

T was for talent
She could do anything
O was for odd
She was her own person
R was for radiant
She emitted an aura
I was for intelligence
She had a mind of everything

She fit her name like a glove
Silent awe in her wake
No one could stop her
Something always burned within
She never stopped running
I met a girl named Tori. I will never forget her.
433 · Jan 2019
Together
Sumus System Jan 2019
It was faint before but I can hear them now
They’re yelling and fighting to vow
They had no choice originally in the matter
But they’ve taken up their part and chatter
They try to work in any way they can
They take control and begin to plan
Helping us all through methods of coping
They give us a reason to continue hoping
They know the dangers of the world first-hand
Take up their place and together they stand
They save us from continued grief
They hide the pain and emerge brief
No one will mess with us again
My alters and I have lived through unspeakable things together. We kept each other alive when there was nothing to save us.
424 · Jan 2019
Our Colors
Sumus System Jan 2019
So many colors make up our bright mind
Only few can be seen by those outside
Our colors are wonderful, sweet and kind
Others of them are bitter, dark and hide
Each is a person hidden within us
Who want to be seen as real as we are
Sometimes they cry out they scream and they cuss
But they are nothing to fear, not by far
They are heroes who saved us from our death
Came forth from the back to stop the attack
They don’t want to wait until our last breath
Sure they have problems, but cut them some slack
Certain system members may be frightening to some, but they are heroes who kept us alive when we needed them.
349 · Jan 2019
Do It
Sumus System Jan 2019
I see it glistening in a shadow
Beckoning me
My eyes fixate upon its resting place
Nowhere to flee
I feel my skin burning with desire
Should I give in?
I’m tired and just want to rest for once
It is a sin
But I would be doing good for others
I can’t go on
If I close my eyes I’ll finally be gone
Can’t see the dawn
I’m a coward and I’m scared of the pain
Now on with it


I can’t
You will

Leave me

Never

Go please

Not yet

Why not

You haven’t

But why

Do it




Fine
It's a struggle everyday to know what to do
345 · Jan 2019
Books
Sumus System Jan 2019
Musty smells and dusty shelves
Many places in the pages
Where to go and what to know
So many choices, echoes of voices

Gentle handling, floorboards rattling
Once was great, now lost to fate
Still treasure inside, their value magnified
Stories of old, worth more than gold
Books are a beautiful thing.
324 · Jan 2019
It Stops
Sumus System Jan 2019
My eyes burn
My hands clench
My skin tears
My chest bursts
My pain screams
My rage grows

It stops

My eyes deaden
My hands release
My skin burning
My chest heavy
My pain hidden
My rage buried
Dissociation is something I deal with daily
305 · Jan 2019
My Heart
Sumus System Jan 2019
Cracks form in my tender heart
A Hardening and toughening dart

Tears dry and stop their flow
Not of happiness but of sorrow

The pains dulls over time
More present however, in its prime

Still living at almost functionality
Slowly losing touch with reality

The sobbing halts in a bind
Not of peace, of a broken mind

My heart is broken and almost unfeeling
It’s evolved and become great at concealing
I learned to survive by distancing myself
303 · Jan 2019
Her
Sumus System Jan 2019
Her
Your smile’s as bright as the morning sun
I revel in your confidence and fun
You know who you are and where you’re going
I merely watch from the sidelines knowing
I miss your touch, your hands and your comments
We pass sometimes telling all in segments
I want to dance, but you’ve let go of me
You found another boy of yours to be
I’ve seen you get hurt and it hurts me too
But I’m just a boy who hasn’t a clue
How to speak and explain how I feel now
You saw me once as somebody somehow
253 · Jan 2019
Potential
Sumus System Jan 2019
Lying awake at night
Staring out at nothing
Feeling my thoughts swimming

I could

Even with my eyes closed
My muscles calm and stilled
I know in my heart

I could

Tomorrow will bring the chance
Or I could act tonight
Just one movement and

I could

I can

But I won’t

Not now

But maybe
I wrote about what potential means to me.
174 · Jan 2019
The Stranger
Sumus System Jan 2019
An image
It stares back at me
Such a peculiar, yet familiar face
It lives

My heart begins to pound as a voice seeps into my head
I know it well
It breathes a poison that clouds my thoughts
I look back to the stranger

The figure looks at me
Their form is perfect
I see myself
And I am wrong

A smile of kindness and beauty materializes
It is beloved by many
The expression I see before me is long dead
Lost to the perpetual whisper

I sigh as I let it envelop me
Why resist?
It’s words buzz about
Telling me what I already see

A ghost
No longer are they real
Were they ever?
I may never know

The husk that I see,
The stranger I know so well
Looks one last time





I turn away
I wrote this when I was feeling particularly down. To me, it's about how my dysphoria makes my reflection a stranger.

— The End —