"Kese banu me woh jo me hu
Koi esa jis se me bhi mukhtalif ** saku,
Yeh bhi to meri hi khamoshi h
Jo mujhse mujhi tak ka fasla janti h..
Yeh bebasi bhi lazmi h
Jo utni hi haqeeqat h
Jitni is safar me meri talash"

Sometimes i cant handle being myself

Koi mujhe hi aake bata de kya h mere man ka hal? Kyuki me bezuban hu.

Koi mujhe hi aake bata de ki me kya chahti hu, kyuki me kayar hu

. Koi mujhe hi aake sikha de apne liye ladna  kyuki me mashroof hu apne khilaf gawahi dene me.

Koi mujhe hi aake dhund de mujhe,
Rasta jo bhatak chuki hu
Aur rah milne wale log bhi jaha pohchna na h waha ka pata sahi nai bata rhe

Pata nai roshni aur kitni door h, shayad koi dur se batti dikha de ki manzil waha h

Koi mujhe bata de ki hadson ki wajah se
Andr sab kuch bikhar chuka h ya abhi kuch baki h

Koi to ** jo mujhe bata de ki jo me hu aur jo me hona chahti thi, in dono ko kese ek karu

H koi esa raahi? Jo mujhe hi dekh kr bataye me kitna dur aa chuki hu, kyuki meri raahein to dhundli dikhti h mujhe

Aao aur mujhe batao meri kimat kitni h iss safar me.. kyuki mera hisab bigad diya h duniya ne

If the days wont allow us
To see each other,
The memories will,
If my eyes cant see you,
My heart will

One of those darkest Nights
Bathed in pure silence
Hinting towards the whispers
Of centuries old trees
That guards the darkness
Thats when birds slide
To their warm chambers early
For it was a place to be avoided at night
As soon as the sun sinks

Butterflies with broken wings
Raises from the dark orchids
The wolves howl their miseries out
Into the moonlit dark forest
Along with tears beaded into their eyes
Wearing all the rage wildly
As the moon beams dances around
Exposing every shadows lurking around
Liberating all the caged wounds
That echoes of helplessness
Unveiling the pain from dense heart
Whatever walked that night
Walked alone
Until sun breaks through
As if the night was all merry
How wild it was to let it be!

Try again?

Because of criticism and pain infused into me,
I have it running through my veins
More than my own blood

Why do people ask? When theyre not willing to listen or understand or empathise with you. I was
More.., more than the labels you put on me. Before you harmed my spirit. It left me nothing..im just a mere assumption now. Strange how they ask what is wrong with me showing such concern for me. But if you domt want to listen then why even bother to ask. World is a scary place. You dont get to decide what should hurt me what not. Im not what you think of me. I am what i think of myself. Criticism never bothered me unless i got it from someone i love. Not mentioning the fact that i gave warnings about my trigger point , "dont get on my knuckle, im barely getting it together please"... yet it went on and on. Which lead me to the edge of hurting myself. Attacking someones self esteem and confidence,. While ignoring their constant request not to do this to me and still doing it on purpose is worst you could do to someone. NO ons uses Mental health as as excuse CONSIDER that. Dont go the extent tht they wanna **** themself. Be careful they are fightimg the battle you would never know.  You cannot become powerful by pulling someone down constantly. I saw it and i felt it everyday . It was not just your opinion. But you were bringing me down and you were clearly enjoying it. Maturely i gave you many signs to stop it or either try to be gentle with me. But you ignored me. You never listen to me you just beilieve your own assumption. How does my self esteem not matter to you? Why do you love watching me on my knees? Or i just look best on my knees? Dont be little my pain. You were clearly bullying me. And dont navigate my feelings. You dont get to direct tht. It wasnt just your single opinion. You pulled up like 100 of reasons abt why im not good enough! Everydayyy!! How csn you be so cruel! And here, you are questioning me why i did what i did for thw damage you done to me. Seriously!?.. did i not mentioned clearly please dont gp there im already struggling with my self esteem. Dpmt break me. Dont break me. But you are deaf i think or you just do it on purpose. And then you call me weak. I was fighting internally with my depression and low self esteem. You were supposed to cheer me up..but did the exact opposite and made it worse. These damage you put me thru makes me awake at 5 in the morning. Dont make anyone feel so worst abt themself and then act like you have done nothing. Dont play dumb. And dont act like im a immatured *** these assumptions are not gonna help you to hide the harm you caused to me. I wont forgive this! Not only this but you adrressed my mental health as excuse.  Did i asked you to help me in my tough times to help me realize my self esteem? No! I was dealing with it all alone. Somehow you seen me struggling there and decided to stab me. I saw it in your eyes how you were enjoying it and how low i think of myself didnt matter to you! Here i am coping with voices in my head tht you put there. No matter what i think now they just wont shut up. This note is all gonna be useless. You wont empathise me. You even criticise me for my good english. I cannot beilieve you. I stick with you and cheered you up when you were having hard time with yourself and this is how you repay me!?. Well, Thanku for Nothing and your silly judgements. But I AM not your JUDGement. I will bring out who truly i am. Your judgements, criticism and assumption all has to fade.

Every time i talk about my feelings
I regret it. Always

When the moon faints into the dark
There comes a girl who sells sunlight
Wearing dark bruises into her scratched skin,
Followed by vicious wolves with ****** teeths,
To ward of the gloom
To paint the dark,
For what was been painted on her colored hopes,
Was Labyrinth of suffering
She stoles the sunlight from the day
At least the sun doesnt mind it,
She bends to the peoples who needed the sunlit jars in the moonless dusk.
For their darkling shore of the heart
They try to go to her,
But is held back.

There's a girl who sells sunlight
Dipped in lefted ecstacies
And fades
As None had a strength to
follow her into the dark

What does moonlight smell like?

An open wound being eaten by a maggot
As worst as it could decay
For what is left remaining

When i scratch my skin off my flesh
Onto the parts where no one could see
It does'nt hurt anymore
I look at my scars right now,
And i feel so conflicted..
I feel hatred towards it because
I see those scars on the ppl i love
Who have no idea what is going on with me
Because when they find out or found out
It hurt them..
And it hurt me
Doesnt make any diff
Whether physically or mentally
Because im in constant suffering
And i dont want to be ever caught
Its the embodiment
Of how i cant cope and still coping
It helps me to understand my emotions
Which i cant put it into words
So i emboss tht story into my skin
Nothing feels real anymore
Its a constant battle
All these emotions
All these stereotype opinions of ppls
All these traumas
All these demons
And
LiFE...!
It is hurting
And thts why i want to self harm
To feel something other than that..
To get some relief
And truthfully
I dont want to stop.
I OnLy
Want to, Not tell anyone and do it privately.
I do them so i can see
My pain rather than feel it.
I dont want to hurt anyone or put thru this.
I cant keep anyone hurt.
I dont know what to do anymore.
Its like the bones have just vanished and theres nothing inside ..
Nothing
I know
Im Alive, when i hurt myself
I know tht im not just dead while breathing
I homestly,
Want to end it all
Life is murderer of my hopes.
I need to end this
I never wanted to put ppl thru grief
So i put myself into it
Im so ****** up and alone.
I dont feel tht i belong anywhere
Didnt have any friend left .
Im trying so hard
Im keeping a smile
So no one could tell
Im afraid of living
Because this is all tht ive known
From the day i was born
What do i have beyond this pain
Is still unknown..
Yet i show gratitude everyday to the almighty.
Pretending is all im doing.
To whoever reading this,
I know this is wrong
Bt it is what i feel.
Opinions doesnt chnge anything.
To whoever suffering like this like me
Because i cant be the only one suffering
And if youre reading this,
And can resonate or relate to anything
This is a message from me
Keep yourself safe,
Im here.

I wish i could dive forever into you
Never looked more peaceful than in the dark
But,
Disaster arent any less for volcano or You..,
from gently drizzling to the thunder lightnings and strong winds..
Then
Why bursting of you and mine
Are considered different by the human.
Because im a human?
Not a phenomenon..
I was as you
Breakout filled with endurance
But gaslighted to the floor thru their hearts
Referring my eruption as
Bizarre ugly bloodstained thing
As too odd
To call it a beauty
They called you as a vulnerable art,
Different from me.
I wanted to be the dark in front of you
And i wanted to show them the raw parts
Where pain can be exposed,
A place to be messy,
I wanted to be painfully real
And to reveal my truest form
My mind is a chaotic storm
Tht yiu'll never get to know
But as a part of this world
They were too focused on being perfect
I wish i could be where you are,..
Maybe they wont change their choice
And will always lie in your lap
Than someone like me.
Im completely yours
Do you think we could burst like this unapologetically for a time?
If i could refuse to all the chaos..
A voice turned up me..
The incidents of disasters and broken cryings
Of what you've endure
Is what made you mine
Unlike them
Gripped in happiness of me errupting out.
Poor souls dont see it other way
While i lay here
Tears felt like piles of bricks upon the eyelids
How does it feel rain to be a broken art, rather than being called a mess!
And the Silence never looked so silent

Today
My forest is dark
The trees are sad
And all the butterflies have broken wings

Tonight if i chase down a bottle of pills
And i fall asleep
But just dont wake up
I want you to know
Sorry that i couldnt be stronger
Hope was all i looking for
I cant stay anymore
This fear of what will happen next
If things go wrong
I tried...
Things just keep hitting on and on
Im not weak
I have stayed here for so long
If my life is headed to gold
Why do i only see grey

Who are we?
What we do with the time or what the time does to us?

The girl who cheated death

Every bleeding was a beating metaphors
And every blessing was a pressed flower
Appearing from the midst of a bruised heart
Until I knew I couldn't do poetry anymore..

Wish
I could run
And make a wish
Under the blanket of stars

I wanna stay here
But I didn't knew
It'll cost everything in me
And everything tht I've made till here

How gracefully scared she is!

They're so cool
You're not like them
But they're not your cup of tea either!

Sometimes, I wonder
What happens
If I get hit by a bus today
Will I stop looking for answers,
And everything will feel peaceful.
Sometimes,
I wonder,
If the end is really an hard way,
Or an escape

Sometimes,
I wonder
It'll, all stop to bother me,
Once the Heartbeats fade.
Sometimes
I wonder
If my life,
Would be worth fighting for today.
It feels difficult to live,
Because
Living causes a lot of pain.
What am I going through,
Isn't the worst,
But still,
Sometimes,
I feel the weakest.
Im crying
But still
Tears won't pause the storm.
The urge to an end
To finding an end,
Is real,
But,
I feel,
There's peaceful and a calmer
End to this story..

She was trying to be happy
Truthfully she was trying
Poor girl

Is it too late to ask for help?

Im not ready for this to end
But I'm not ready for it to begin either
So I sit in the dark
In this quite in between
Where the world is still
But my heartbeat is not
Im flipping the coin
And I watch it turn over and over
It lands with the wrong side facing upward
But somehow I'm not sad about it
I flip it again
But this time I don't even care
Which side
It lands on
Because it gives me comfort knowing that
I flipped it anyway
Maybe this is what it means to be brave..

I've always had this fear of letting go
I've always had this fear of standing for my own self
I've always had this fear of being selfish one day
I've always had this fear of being alone..
Whenever I stood for myself, I didn't had someone around..
It think I'm not selfish because I've lost all, still carried in me.
But no matter what PRECAUTIONS you take, the fears do turn into REALITY.
And the promises are being broken
And the lies do became truths
Because life CUTS you from all the sides
To end up being a sharper lead
And help you be the pencil of your life
To write your own history..

1.  Sometimes, you over dress to feel better. You put on some extra makeup, or a beautiful dress even if it's not a ideal way, to change your mood. So, forget if people will consider you out of the group. Its okay to stand out for no reason sometimes.

2.  Alcohol taken the right way does not make you less sanskari. The bread/roti you eat also harms you if not  taken the right way, and so is with alcohol. But, please
Underage drinking isn't that cool.

3.  Nepotism on social media is not a bad thing at times. When your 'famous friends' support you, and you grow, its something that is your extra blessing, not that something that you should be blamed for. But if you've grown on a digital platform, it is important for you to use that benefit in a right way.

4.  You should not only put your best work in front of people. You should be the best in what you share. You can also share the not so good work you've created, and tell other about your failures. Its not bad being real.

5. 'party' has a different meaning for everyone. Everyone has their own way of having fun. You're cool if you party with books, and you're also beautiful if you party at a club. Your way of enjoying yourselves is a part of your personality, no one has the right to define anything about you from that.

6.  You're not a bad person if you break your promises because of different situations.

Moment not an illude!!
Longing for a life
That is simple and planned
Tied with captures and adventures
You're deaf of hearty Beats
Still breathing ,
Busy Designing the horizons
Holding the dragon rage !
Uncertainties of a weakened necks
Spilling into a Sunless afternoons
Tied Bellows of would and coulds
You've walked through the doors
Waving those earsplitting weeps
Became untangled from the dolours
Deaf was all you've became
As your beliefs reckless to be,
To follow what's written
But you have a glorious crystallines
Of sharpest withins
Always in motion
Embrace the shine of a thousand spotlights
Until you hear earscreens echoing
Honouring your dead parts
By lullabies of lively confetti
Irrespective of maybes and coulds be's
Hold on to this
Breathtaking genres
And blithe as it's ending
Miracles, miracles everywhere
Craving your attention with every dare..

Ohh you all
From where do you buy this reliance
Twisted in all crescent prominence
While I'm watering darkling shores
Tied with translucent encores
Maybe that's your forever swiftness
Adopting that shades and disappearing
Like a made of glass
Marching to the caravan of Dolours
And I'm not where I meant to be
But Things do heal in my duller dime
I'll make a rainbow
In a dumbly words
Dipped in lefted ecstasies
Tumbling down down
Unto the shrinked realms
Purling the lights and shades
Out of the colors that have faded
Your presence requested  
Till then
Im chattering here
Blending silly meddles
To the beat I drum  ..