I'm back
Is this what I wanted
all this time?
Back to black, to quietness, to the messy,
to wire and desperation, tricks of the mind
To a pool of hidden confusion
to a wall in the heart

I'm back - you're gone
But it is not you, it's me.
I went back to my hole.
The hole ran back to me.

Ha! Hahahaha! Ha!
Silence
Everybody stared
A few asked what was funny
I told them and then...
They looked at me funny

Judging eyes, Disgusted eyes
Even Angry eyes one time
I see them a lot

But when I see Laughing Eyes...
A Kindred Spirit!
Jokes exchanged and
Laughter Shared

A New Friend
With the same sense of
Weird Humor

Why is it that feet smell and noses run?
Ha Hahahaha! Ha!

like my head it reflects and blows
so much to express, to clarify
but im avoidant and in constant denial
for what im about to shed off my mind
are nothing but thunderstorms

so there's no more laughing
at an evening fire
no more the crackle of flames
to echo our desire
for summer is on its way
yet all i feel is the cold
sat staring at the dying embers
of a love once known
your reasoning remains certain
and so easily evoked
those moments i recall now
mere epitaphs i wrote
what of that first kiss or
that walk upon your stairs
the warmth of our breath
as i slide through your hair
cast aside as mere memories,
lost shadows in this game
as the ashes burn out
through the endlessness of blame

summer does beckon as you
heed its call to take flight
redefining your season
escaping my darkness to light
alone to search deep inside
and what will I see
complicated and broken lives
but only one truly free
for no mirror will ever conceal
my self inflicted lies
decisions and failures welling up
in these guilty grey eyes
a sentence delivered through
the coldness of silence
yet I will appeal to take solace
in some other summer dress
to mask the responsibilities,
to seek shelter for this shame
it is I that must carry the burden,
bear the endlessness of blame