Wasted time and wasted efforts
For you to say something so hurtful
So easily
Maybe it slipped out
Maybe it didn't mean anything
But you're right
There's a problem there.
And your priorities are clear
I'm not welcome here

I'm armour clad
And shielded tight
And you'll never hurt me
As much as you try
But these little bullets
Ill guided wisdoms
Sneak in like shards of glass
I'd never let you see
That you're cracking my shell
And I'll never show
That I'm hurting

Shivering and shaking
Hands grasping for you desperately
I know that you're toxic
I know that you're poision
I know you can hurt me
But I inhale your body
And exhale your scent
My fingers sting with every touch
My chest aches when you are gone
But the temptation of you overtakes me
The ease I feel when you light me aflame
Its too easy
Too easy to breathe you in

The clock is ticking in my room
it's ticking so loud I can hear the seconds shaking
the minutes breaking, and the hours waking.
It screams at me to fall asleep but I cannot
Or I will not
Who will ever be able to tell the difference?
I lie here still, pinching loose skin
pulling and prodding
stretching, and scratching
I want it gone.
I toss and I turn,
Unable to sleep
Unable to wake.
I sew my eyes shut, ever so gently
and pretend to dream
I dream of myself, in the most ideal world
I dream of life in a different world
I see thin girls in bikinis prancing,
I see attractive couples, holding hands, dancing
I see myself looking in a mirror,
and smiling, inwardly and outwardly.
I see myself being happy
As I think about everything,
for the thousandth time tonight
one single thing clicks within me

I don't hate my life,
I just hate myself.