he left when my sister was only about two, by that time she couldn't even tie her shoes, let alone even understand or process what my mom and dad had gotten into

he punched a hole in the wall of our old bathroom, back in the apartment we used to call home, where the apparition of a man lived that I never truly knew

it was late and I don't even remember him leaving, yet I've grown up with the blame and I have carried the shame of feeling like it was something I did, that I didn't deserve him

he ripped away what I called home and with his violent hands, set fire to everything I loved. His lips spit toxic words that ripped apart everyone of my limbs

i hated him because it wasn't hard not to. He never came around and he never tried to call. He punctured a hole in my heart, one that could never be filled and I've accepted the fact that he will never know me or my favorite color or why I despise him

As my eyes traced the wonders of your body,
you held my hand tightly
I threw myself up in the air
With high hopes that you'll be there

Let's fly together
Until the sun and the moon says never
Don't  let go of me, honey
In this crazy world, you're my only sanity

you won't admit it
not even to yourself
but you love living on the edge
you love the possibility
of getting in trouble
you love feeling like you're in control
of throwing yourself in the fire
you claim you are careful
and that everytime you get in trouble
is an "accident"
but only those who truly love you
truly understand you
know the truth
that you'll always take an extra step towards the edge
park your car
a centimeter too close to the cliff
sit an inch too close on the open windowsill
smoke your cigarette a second too close
to when your mom walks in on you
you love having the control
and the lack of it
you want someone to notice you
you want someone to yell at you
you want to be blamed and accused
as long as that means
someone will look your way
as long as that means
that someone will look you in the eye
inside you're crying
inside you're dying
you want to start the fire
anarchy is what you crave
and yet,
you're always an inch too far
and an inch too close
from the war itself