Don't soften existence
to the dissonant
by being it

You indulged
in your self loathing
habit
made yourself
feel so bad
it was ok
to take advantage
of me

You do go on
Have another day
to veer through
while looking
back at nothing
made of the best glue
memories of the
worst you
certain of more
avuncular blue

Chasing myself down
Run here I come
Where did you go
How did you disappear
like that
Stop already
This is exhausting
This
Now where are you
You are supposed to be
Not that don't do that
Why are you being
this way
This is what you said
you wanted
What now
Get up already
I'm not

This screen glows too brightly
in this darkened quieted hour
it dominates the room and the mood
has its own aura a smeary haze surround
what hearth is this illuminates my walls
what stone drains heat deep into its core
in this bright liquid display of tomfoolery
the violence of scalded and running oh language
hides in a metaphor running like a scalded dog
from this nits this bits of brightness
not darkened enough by this content
i am sunning or am i running or am i
looking for another syllable to fit this spill
sought after illumination runs from  your
practiced sight your mistaken desire to opine

Waiting for Toni
whom I've stopped
answering

so to address
this ghost
this most

who won't
stop by
and fall

on
my
sword

this is death
this is fear
this is panic

gritting my teeth
there's always my beef
with (something)

and scrambling time
over furniture
and feelings

and i am here
waiting for
her surrender

knowing well
maybe not
knowing

fearing well
maybe
frightened

as i operate
at this
dangerous edge

gambling i am
with
your truth

showing it
to
you

sorry
again
really

How does
this
not stick

as i
sit
crying

if you were
crying over me
i'd take your call

One Direction leads to smaller worlds
And One Direction leads to larger ones
And you are caught

Enroute to forlorn
Over what to do
What to do
What to do
Oh my

And you visit small

To be big
is to want
then worry
order is all