I was dating this man
About a month

He was very giving
He did and said the right things

One night I asked him to stay.
He accepted quickly

Later after we started
Climbing the stairs to my bed

He said “I am usually much bigger but I masturbated
Earlier today”

We got to the bedroom
And undressed quickly

We started having ***
He took a long time

Whenever I moaned he would call out a number.

“That was 1, ohhhh that was 2”

It wasn’t until he was in the low 30s that I understood

He thought the moans were
*******.

He was in the 40s when I realized he wasn’t going to stop

My moans
By that time were from pain

So I did the best thing I could think of.

I pretended to faint.
Arms and legs slayed out.

I was motionless for at least 2 minutes before he noticed

He got off of me and went
to get a cold washcloth.

Although I frightened him
He crowed

About the 40 *******.

To this day he crows about it

Death won’t be heralded with a bugle
But with a common sneeze

I think I am a successful mother
Even if my measuring stick
Sometimes is eschew

I am glad my sons have never
Snorted ******* off a strippers ***
And
Never killed a ******

I admit to asking them these very things
All other digressions pale in comparison

It is a basic need of human beings, according to the theory, to be clearly seen by at least one other person.

I reset myself
On January first
I know it doesn’t help
All the sick and dying
But I had to reset myself
I was slowly dying with them
I couldn’t stop watching the news
I couldn’t sleep
I checked the Worldometers
At least once a day
That harbinger of doom
So I reset myself
It didn’t help.
I feel that I am still breathing in a atmosphere of sorrow
I choke on it.

I want to hug the world

You look at me the way I dreamed a man should look at his beloved.

Like I was your heart, your only thought.

Eyes full of love. No doubts at all.

You said you didn’t want to sleep because reality was finally better than your dreams.

I think that past suffering and disappointments don’t cheapen us or chip away at our dignity but transfigure us and mature us.

That’s why I know the intensity of your love can’t be sustained.

And although I love you too I am not giddy with it.

Because I know your feelings will start to mature soon.

And mellow into something we can hold hands over all the days of our lives

Sometimes your whole life
could change in a second.

One split second.

Even when you tell yourself
you would never do it.

Or if you stepped into that moment
with no intention of doing it

And out of panic
made the decision...

When it seems the choice will be taken away from you.

If you don’t make the decision
you make it then.

Quickly.

Because that decision looks
newly minted and bright

I have done that.
Recently.

I wait to see the ripples from my decision

I worry that those little ripples
will become a tsunami.

I hope I don’t drown in the wake

There are times that swallowing is better than spitting

When you want to pleasure another

When you want to keep words in check

When you want to prevent spewing.

Just swallow

It’s really not that hard

I think that we are shaped more by damage
than by kindness

Kindness doesn’t sink as deep into you as damage does

The damage stains your heart and soul so deeply you can’t scrub it off

You can only let time help turn the damage into scars

And sometimes there is never enough time

“I love you” She says.
It’s important to say.
It’s important to hear

When you find the place you belong
You will hear a click
Not in your heart
But in your soul
And you will know you are home

There are things
That have to be forgotten
If we want to go on living
Things we can’t share with anyone
On the blackest nights of our souls
It’s a good thing that the will
To live is so strong inside us
When we have the least excuse for it

In the dark
The truth seemed so enchanting
To open my heart
Be completely revealing
But standing in the bright light of day
The truth seems less appealing
So I write it in the notebook of my mind
And force myself to choke it down

Hello my friends
It’s been a little while
I think of you often and hope you are safe
I pray for us all

~Deb

A minute is not
Just the passing of time
In a minute
A life can change
Hold every minute sacred
Give it meaning
Give it the clarity
It deserves
Lest that minute
Be your last

The kiss of the sun
The songs of the birds
The creak of the hammock
The cold juice in my hand
The 105 degree temperature  
That makes me layer down
Heaven on earth

Going in.
I was stung by a bee
No respect given!

I can hear the wind whistling
through the trees.
Hurrying to reach me
The multiple chimes I have in the trees
talk to me in so many ways
glass, metal, bells
The small ones ******
The big ones make the most noise
large bells, four foot metal tubes, tempered glass, one that plays a Mozart symphony
Such beautiful cacophony
They flash as they whirl in the wind
Throwing colors everywhere
I love the sound, the wind and the flashing colors

I hope everyone is having such a day

You think the grief inside you
Is so intense it will consume you
Swallow everything you hold dear
Make your heart just fold in on itself
But it doesn’t.
I feel like I have spaces inside me
That I never knew I had
Rooms to explore
And decorate in a new style
A commemoration
Of respect and love
The memory suite

Eight years ago
With all my life before me
My life changed
Without warning
I was facing a future
I wasn’t expecting
Unending pain
Out of control sickness
Bringing me daily to my knees
No one understanding
How bleak my future looked
Watching my precious niece
Slip away from me at 23
From the same disease
My family and friends
Treat me different
Some avoiding me because
“They didn’t want to hurt when I die”
I have no intention of dying anytime soon
I plan on living a life full of adventure.
I am already doing that.
Quit feeling sorry for me.
Because I am not.
Mostly I take life one day
at a time


(Type 1 diabetes is an ongoing battle. You never get a break from it. Every day is a fight. No light at the end of that tunnel that means you completed a life goal)

I should add that I have half a dozen degrees. My coping mechanism is being a perpetual student. I am happy about that.

Halp!!!!

I attended a birthday for a 3 year old niece a few days ago.
She was the only child so I  used that to justify to myself the lack of many women.

I had never met the man that was hosting the party. He said hello and then immediately after asked if I wanted to go in the “Barn” to have a smoke or a beer. I declined nicely.

I sat down with my sisters and about 30 minutes later he stops behind me, puts his hands on my shoulder and leaned down to whisper in my ear “Are you looking for anybody? “

I was sure that what I heard was not what he said. So in case he was offering another drink I replied I was doing fine.

About 30 minutes later he
stops behind me and again he puts his hands on my shoulder and leaned down to whisper in my ear
“Do you need somebody”

I got the giggles because in my mind I threw up my hands and in the style of The Beatles I loudly sung  “Halp, I don’t want nobody, Halp, I don’t need nobody.”
Of course I didn’t but it amused me vastly!

My grandmother

She spoke with what
Seemed a tiger in her throat
Hand on her hip
Leaning close to me

She growled

And her laugh was a
Contagious cackle
Which I find myself
Mimicking nowadays

She was 4 foot nothing
Packed with power
That vibrated around her
Almost visible to the eye

There will never be anyone
I can replace her with

Just as it should be

Sometimes when a child is naughty
And out of control
They need love the most
When they deserve it the least.
Although,
On the other hand,
An unruly child will be naughty
Because they know
They are loved unconditionally.

Kids. “Sigh”

Let me say how sorry I am.

I am ashamed our American President
Says such horrible things
And tells such lies.
Trying to diminish
The grief people feel
His lies minimizes
The loss of lives
I close my eyes in horror
At the toll Covid-19
Has wrought on our world.
We truly live on shaky ground.
In the stillness of our time
Spent alone
We may turn to God
In my case Buddha too
And think of Ancestors long dead
The ones we can’t see
Except as a faded photograph
So we talk to God often
We appreciate our loved ones more
We endure.
And hope for surcease
Trying not to think that
Why, what is happening to us,
Feels so much like punishment
I hope everyone is safe.
Hold on tight.
This too shall pass.
May this be our prayer
And
May our prayers be answered

Implicitly implied
Explicitly expressed

Gently squeeze my hand
While I admire the craggy lines
That crisscross your face

Whisper in my ear
As you write your name
With your forefinger on my palm

Today let us pray, say mantras,
Usher happiness, warm wishes
To everyone, not just family
We are all in this together

Please stay safe as we all tackle this monster breathing fire at us

We are unprepared for something this strong and so unprecedented.
Something that has no care for who it takes. Who lives and who dies. It knows no race, age or gender

Please have mercy on us all

Set selfishness aside for right now and look for things we can do
While making sure we do it safely

And please remember: we wear masks to protect others from us
And others wear masks to protect us.

I have worked my whole career dealing with isolated patients.
Even then family can visit them at bedside if they wear a disposable mask and disposable gown.

This scares the bejeezus out of me.

Keep informed. Stay safe.

We may never see another pandemic like this in our lifetime.

I woke up
With all of you
Rolodexing through my mind
I got dressed with trepidation
Trembling and weak
Not allowing me to explain me
I knew my actions
Were going to hurt others
Multiple others
How did my life
Decades now
Become a vehicle
That carries so many people
How has other’s desires
Become so physically heavy
That I feel
Only I can make them whole
How am I so pulled
In so many directions
When every arrival
And departure
Is not even about me
And everyone knows
It's not subtle or secret
So every direction
Is a slap in the face
To everyone else
I don't feel empowered
I don't feel I have choices
The expectations
Are smothering me


Do you know what I desire?
To step away, close the door
Breathe

This is all my fault
No lines were ever drawn

I met them playing a little flash game with lots of friends

Mandy is from England
Katja is from Poland

I barely spoke to them
But within a few weeks
Katja wrote me two
Facebook letters

They were all over the place
And she said she cried throughout

Letters saying how
She loved me
Admired me
Wanted to be me

Loved the way I look
The way I talked
The advice I gave
The laughter as I played

She said it would take hours
To write me a single message
And even then she deleted it

I wrote her back to comfort her
Did I tell you I have
A Masters degree in Forensic Psychology?
And a specialty in Victimology
With many other degrees

Both Mandy and Katja
Were fixated on me
Spending hours on Skype every day
Explaining me to each other

About a month after playing
The game with them both

They decided to write me
Five, multiple pages, letters

It was filled with their thoughts on me
And why I behave as I do

To say I was angry
Would be putting it mildly
They didn’t know me
They didn’t know me at all

In the letters they lectured me
About how I am too friendly
With every one
That I needed to be friends
With only a select few

One reason given
Was that my ***** were too big
And too many men
Commented on it
And I allowed it.
( I really just ignored it)

They shredded me
It took 5 multiple paged letters
For both of them to explain me
After they Skyped together for hours daily
To say all they wanted to say about me

I was horrified at the audacity
Of it all
Hurt that they claimed
That my personality
Was to open.

One example they gave
Was that I use the word “love”
Too much, that was one thing
I tried to change about myself

Because of them

But a few weeks later
I started to use the word again
I love this or I love that
There is nothing
Wrong with that

When I told them
How much they hurt me
They responded that it was
Written with love

That they both
Were in love with me
And wanted more
Of my time individually

Obviously the things they said
Still bother me
I like me
The way I am
Is that so bad?

I am not going to refuse to be me
Based on what these women said

Just a little backstory
I subscribed to this site for nudists. You could watch every day, daily living kinds of things. Surprisingly enough the majority on there is middle aged and older.
I thought it was so out of the norm, I invited a handful of friends.
Now the problem that preceded the following conversation. I couldn’t delete it. I tried so many times. Whenever I logged on it alerted the site and the fast and furious pop ups (guys asking to talk) so I had that computer always
on charge alllllll the time. Except one night while I was at work we had a power outage. When I got home it was off. So I had to restart my computer. And immediately my screen was filled with chats (BTW I did post pictures of myself, some were professional **** modeling)
So I am closing the pop ups as fast as I can and saw this message. He had already typed about 5 messages. So I left his open. And no. I didn’t know him. I thought he was kinda funny. I had not accessed the site for over a year

So meet Kamar
One of my online names is rtprincess

‪7:50 AM) kamar2008: hi‬
‪(7:50 AM) kamar2008: wb‬
‪(7:50 AM) kamar2008: hey‬
‪(7:50 AM) kamar2008: im mr tomy jim business man 41 yrs‬
‪(7:50 AM) kamar2008: want u‬
‪(7:51 AM) kamar2008: long time wait u here‬
‪(7:51 AM) kamar2008: but u offline‬
‪(7:51 AM) kamar2008: now im want u‬
‪(7:51 AM) kamar2008: want make u princess‬
‪(7:51 AM) kamar2008: 25.000 $ cash us and **** u on cam ?‬
‪(7:52 AM) kamar2008: and can make u belive me now‬
‪rtprincess: ‬‪lol what?‬
‪(7:52 AM) kamar2008: why lol ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬well, I rarely get that line. ‬
‪(7:52 AM) kamar2008: im not lied‬
‪(7:52 AM) kamar2008: and can make u belive me now‬
‪(7:53 AM) kamar2008: if u want now can make u get money in u account number u bank or westrin unoin or paypal‬
‪rtprincess:‬
‪I am not going to give any of my financial information‬
‪(7:53 AM) kamar2008: really i like u‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪no you can't make me believe you..but it was a funny pick up line‬
‪(7:54 AM) kamar2008: but im not funy‬
‪(7:54 AM) kamar2008: im can make u belive me now‬
‪(7:54 AM) kamar2008: im good man‬
‪(7:54 AM) kamar2008: and im really want u‬
‪(7:54 AM) kamar2008: and want make u belive me ever‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪I believe you are a good man‬
‪(7:55 AM) kamar2008: and can make u belive me for money too‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪but don't make offers like that...someone will make you really pay‬
‪(7:55 AM) kamar2008: u have account number in bank ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪lol‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪I am not going to give you my bank number!‬
‪(7:56 AM) kamar2008: okey give me u name full and im sent in westrin unoin or paypal‬
‪rtprincess:‬
‪you are funny‬
‪(7:57 AM) kamar2008: im not funny‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪I have not even been on this site for over a year‬
‪(7:57 AM) kamar2008: im only want u I wait for you everyday to come on‬
‪(7:57 AM) kamar2008: what u want i do now for im make u belive me ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪and......if you have that kind of money...ask some one where you are to do things for you‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪but you did make me smile‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪thanks‬
‪(7:58 AM) kamar2008: i hope u ever smile‬
‪(7:58 AM) kamar2008: but im not lied‬
‪(7:59 AM) kamar2008: im want **** u ever on cam and give u 25.000 $ cash for 1 yrs‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪have we talked before?‬
‪(7:59 AM) kamar2008: no think but im try talk u but u not here and not talk me u not pay attention to me i ask you to talk‬
‪(7:59 AM) kamar2008: but im like u pics‬
‪(7:59 AM) kamar2008: and want u‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪have you seen me on cam here?‬
‪(8:00 AM) kamar2008: yes and u pics im save all of them look at them evy day‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪that is weird‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪really weird‬
‪(8:01 AM) kamar2008: think you not believe i love u‬
‪(8:01 AM) kamar2008: u too‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪i don't know you and have never talked to you‬
‪(8:01 AM) kamar2008: u need see me ?‬
‪(8:01 AM) Alert: kamar2008 has started their webcam‬
‪(8:01 AM) kamar2008:‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪...why offer money for what you can get free?‬
‪(8:03 AM) kamar2008: im not give anyone that money but im want u only‬
‪(8:03 AM) kamar2008: because im like u‬
‪(8:03 AM) kamar2008: and need do anything for im get u only‬
‪(8:04 AM) kamar2008: really im not bad man and not lied‬
‪(8:04 AM) kamar2008: im only like u‬
‪(8:04 AM) kamar2008: and want u‬
‪(8:04 AM) kamar2008: im save all u pics in my labtop‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪well stop telling women you will give them money...somebody will take you serious...I don't talk to men on here solo...just your message was funny‬
‪(8:04 AM) kamar2008: i sry for that‬
‪(8:05 AM) kamar2008: but im long time wait u here but u offline i wait and wait for u‬
‪(8:05 AM) kamar2008: but really im want u only‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪lol‬
‪(8:05 AM) kamar2008: and never want anywoman other jus u‬
‪(8:05 AM) kamar2008: only u‬
‪(8:06 AM) kamar2008: plz‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪you have a dozen wives and 20 kids?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪lol‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪i bet‬
‪(8:06 AM) kamar2008: not thnik me man bad and man funny here‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪you are funny...not in a bad way‬
‪(8:06 AM) kamar2008: noooo‬
‪(8:06 AM) kamar2008: im not married now‬
‪(8:07 AM) kamar2008: my wife and my son died beofer 4 yrs‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪oh‬
‪(8:07 AM) kamar2008: and im now live alone‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪i am sorry‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪my sense of humor is quirky sometimes‬
‪(8:07 AM) kamar2008: no problem that for my god‬
‪(8:07 AM) kamar2008: no u so good‬
‪(8:08 AM) kamar2008: really want u‬
‪(8:08 AM) kamar2008: what u name ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪i think any woman will do‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪sometimes people get too lonely‬
‪(8:09 AM) kamar2008: but im not want any woman‬
‪(8:09 AM) kamar2008: i want u only‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪but dont offer anyone else money‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪lol‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪how many women have fell for that?‬
‪(8:09 AM) kamar2008: im not tell this for womans‬
‪(8:10 AM) kamar2008: im only talk that with u only‬
‪(8:10 AM) kamar2008: because im not lied‬
‪(8:10 AM) kamar2008: only want u no more‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪the only reason I am on is because i restarted my computer...and it auto-started. I don't spend very much time in here‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪I am not even in a room‬
‪in chat‬
‪(8:11 AM) kamar2008: and not here for make many woman fell for that im good man‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪i believe you are a good man‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪but women will take advantage of you‬
‪ (8:12 AM) kamar2008: but im not find for any woman‬
‪(8:12 AM) kamar2008: im need u only‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪no‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪you dont know me‬
‪(8:12 AM) kamar2008: yes‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪lol‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪no‬
‪(8:12 AM) kamar2008: but know u pics‬
‪(8:12 AM) kamar2008: know u smile‬
‪(8:12 AM) kamar2008: know u body‬
‪(8:12 AM) kamar2008: im dreams with u‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪wow‬
‪(8:13 AM) kamar2008: all the time im dreams with u on my bed‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪and you waited for me here?‬
‪(8:13 AM) kamar2008: yes and u not here im closa and go‬
‪(8:14 AM) kamar2008: not find for anywoman other‬
‪(8:14 AM) kamar2008: u only im want u‬
‪(8:14 AM) kamar2008: plz belive me‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪where do you live? in the united states?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪I can tell you places to go to get paid ***‬
‪(8:15 AM) kamar2008: yes im have house in nj‬
‪(8:15 AM) kamar2008: but im live in dubai‬
‪(8:15 AM) kamar2008: im business man‬
‪(8:15 AM) kamar2008: have company work in car GMC‬
‪(8:16 AM) kamar2008: u here ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪in united states?‬
‪(8:17 AM) kamar2008: my company in dubai and gamrnay‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪I always think that people that have that kind of money to use...would use it better.‬
‪rtprincess: besides...why pay for something you can get free on here?‬
‪(8:19 AM) kamar2008: im only pay that not for all womans‬
‪(8:19 AM) kamar2008: im need u understand me‬
‪(8:19 AM) kamar2008: im give u only that money‬
‪(8:19 AM) kamar2008: because im like u‬
‪(8:20 AM) kamar2008: u see me now ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪no I am not looking at your cam‬
‪(8:21 AM) kamar2008: u like me ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪i think you are sweet but lonely‬
‪(8:22 AM) kamar2008: thanks‬
‪(8:22 AM) kamar2008: and u soooooooooooo sweety‬
‪(8:22 AM) kamar2008: plz‬
‪(8:23 AM) kamar2008: belive me‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪i believe you‬
‪(8:23 AM) kamar2008: im name tomy‬
‪(8:23 AM) kamar2008: engieer tomy jim‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪I don't want to tell you my name‬
‪(8:24 AM) kamar2008:‬
‪(8:24 AM) kamar2008: can sleep with u ?‬
‪(8:26 AM) kamar2008: yes or not ?‬
‪(8:27 AM) kamar2008: u here ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪yes‬
‪(8:27 AM) kamar2008: u want me or not ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪sleep with me? or have *** with me?‬
‪(8:27 AM) kamar2008: lol 2‬
‪(8:28 AM) kamar2008: want sleep with u and want *** with u‬
‪(8:29 AM) kamar2008: yes‬
‪(8:29 AM) kamar2008: u busy ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪restarting all my programs‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪that i turned off to restart computer‬
‪(8:30 AM) kamar2008: okeu u want me or not ?‬
‪(8:31 AM) kamar2008: u here or not‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪i am here‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪i don't know you tomy‬
‪(8:32 AM) kamar2008: what u need know for me‬
‪(8:33 AM) kamar2008: im name tomy jim‬
‪(8:33 AM) kamar2008: 41 yrs‬
‪(8:33 AM) kamar2008: business man‬
‪(8:33 AM) kamar2008: and engieer‬
‪(8:34 AM) kamar2008: live in dubai and garmany‬
‪(8:35 AM) kamar2008: have big company in cars GMC ans bmw‬
‪(8:38 AM) kamar2008: yes sure‬
‪(8:39 AM) kamar2008: plz i want u‬
‪(8:39 AM) kamar2008: if u not like me and not belive me and dont need me tell me go tomy‬
‪(8:39 AM) kamar2008: and im sry‬
‪(8:39 AM) kamar2008: and go‬
‪(8:40 AM) kamar2008: but im need u belive me‬
‪(8:40 AM) kamar2008: because im really like u‬
‪(8:40 AM) kamar2008: and want u‬
‪(8:40 AM) kamar2008: love u eyes‬
‪(8:41 AM) kamar2008: u here ?‬
‪kamar2008 just sent you a nudge!‬
‪(8:44 AM) kamar2008: tell me plz‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪yes, I am still here. ‬
‪(8:49 AM) kamar2008: u want me or not ?‬
‪(8:49 AM) kamar2008: im want **** u u like or not ?‬
‪(8:49 AM) kamar2008: yes or not no more ?‬
‪rtprincess: ‬
‪You are way too bold‬
‪for me. It was a fun conversation though!‬

At the same time I was playing Mobsters and was in a chat room for our group. I was telling the group the gist of what Kamar’ requested
And after initially telling me to just close him out. They read how much he was offering. And then instead of outrage for me, they told me to do it. No biggie they said
And the reason why?
With that money we could buy more gangsters and a ton of  weapons. Those were tongue in cheek suggestions. I think

Why talk about always
And things we aren’t sure we mean
When we can talk about today
And mean exactly what we say

Let me love you
Not according to someone
Else’s rules
But for simply who you are
And how you are with me

Love me too
Not for how you might mold me
But for what I am
Here and now

Let me touch your heart
As you’ve touched mine

Someday, Listen to my words
All the emotions behind them

Someday,
See not just my smiles
See not just my frowns
But the pleasures and hurts
Wrapped around them

Let’s just do it
One moment at a time
Maybe tomorrow
We can count an hour

We can do that
Until we reach solid ground

Every night
I will light the moon
So you never forget me
I will light the moon

Remember how much I love you
There is no one before you
You fill my whole being with happiness
I will cleanse away all your sadness
For I will light the moon

Look up my loves
Even if it’s only a sliver of silver
I will light the moon
Wait for me
I will show you the way
There is a moonlit path to follow
To me, give your worries
To me, give your tears
I will light the moon for you

Look for me every night
Talk to me
I will hear
Unto me pour your heart
Lest they are tears of sadness
Or tears of hope
Look up
See?
I lit the moon

Memories may find me
But they will always be behind me

Sometimes they are chasing me
Sometimes I am chasing them
Endless repetitions
Of what could have been

The lovers I embraced
I tried to leave them smiling
I think I did okay
They love me still

I like to know
I left a glow
Like dragonflies
Fragile little wings

I want them to smile
At the memory of me
I want them to phone
Just to say hello

And I can say hello too
Not in a voice filled with pain
There is nothing to gain
We exchange memories

I love to hear them laugh
I am as witty as I can be
So, again
Making new memories

That’s home for me

A little glance into a torrid, tumultuous affair of the heart

I am FaceTiming with a young relative.

Me: what are you doing?

J: (just turned 4)
I am just writing a note

Me: What about?

J: I am breaking up with  
Kira. (She is his 6 year old cousin)

Then he just pops a colored note in front of the camera that has a heart on it with a line going through it.

Me: I didn’t know you and    
Kira were bf/gf

J: welllllllll, since about 5 months.

Which I know is not true. He doesn’t understand time yet so I believe this all happened over Christmas vacation.

Me: J. say it nice to Kira.

J: wellll, she really wants to hug me all the time, even when I make faces at her.
So I am going back to my wife. I will just love Kira like a cousin again.

His wife is Zoe and is Kira’s 10 year old sister.
He wholeheartedly expects to be wed to Zoe when he grows up at 12

It was so very hard to stay somewhat expressionless.

I hope all ends well.

Btw: I did call both sets of parents