My therapist says the breaking point has to be my own.
She says she can tell I’ve grown.
My sisters cut me out and cut me down.
I know it’s because they don’t want you around.
I shouldn’t have told them all the ways you abused me.
I was weak and stupid and locked outside without a key.
I panicked and broke down and told them everything.
Now they tell me to end it even though it will sting.
Something in me holds on for dear life it begs me to stay.
Something in me every time I try to leave, it gets in the way.
But the good times are getting few and far between.
I sit naked on this toilet while you’re on our hotel queen.
You’d think this is rock bottom, tears falling at the comfort inn
But I’ve been in this spot, again and again.
I give you my body I give you my soul, I hope next time you wont leave a gaping hole.
But people never change and again and again you make me feel small.
I feel trapped in this Arizona desert
It compares to the love you give me, dry and unpredictable.
Each time it hurts a little less.
Each time I am less hurt by this mess.
Each time I tell myself another reason to leave.
Each time I know the longer I stay the less I’m respecting me.
She’ll tell me I abandoned her too.
She’ll compare me to the others with cries and boo hoos
But even a loyal dog runs away with enough abuse.
And soon you’ll be alone and have no one to use.
For now I’ll collect myself from this bathroom
I’ll go back and lay beside you.
But I start to detach little by little. I start to distance myself.
You treat me like hell for the rest of this contract, that’s fine.
In the end the victory will be mine.
I’m Damaged goods, a river that’s dried up
I gave all I had but it wasn’t enough.
Like running out of water in the desert, I know I’ll die for sure
But I can’t bring myself to regret it, you haven’t met her
The way her hand felt holding mine, it fit so perfectly
My hand will always fight the urge to reach for hers
Drink straight out of the bottle but it doesn’t **** my pain
Hate myself for losing her this way
My mind is my enemy, it replays the moments, when the butterflies swarmed but the sparks turned to gray
It tortures me with our intimacy, it’s out for blood
Won’t stop until I’m nothing, She’s everything good
Water falls from the shower head, but we didn’t notice, we were wrapped up that it was just us
If I knew the last time I held your hand would be the last time, I would’ve held on one more second
If I knew it was the last time our lips would meet I would’ve pulled you closer
If I knew it was the last time you would look at me, and smile with your eyes, I would’ve cracked just one last joke, try and hold your gaze
If I knew it would be the last time you held me close, I would’ve held you tighter
If I knew it would be the last time, we made love with such a big fire
If I knew the last time we danced in the hallway would be the last time I would’ve turned on music
If I knew the last time we laid in bed together would be the last time I would’ve held our eye contact
If I ever lose her there’s a lot of things I’ll miss, too many to count but here’s a real short list
The way she gets excited when she sees a gruesome wound
The way she makes me feel like I’m the only one in the room
Her fake laugh and the flutter of her lashes
She’s so prepared no matter what, lots of secret stashes
Her eyes smile even when she acts annoyed
She listens to my rants, even when they disappoint
She brings me food even when she’s mad, she’s the best company
Her smile and her real laugh will be the death of me 😍
She wears a different color, based on the day
She keeps up with everything important, way better that way
Plays Rock Paper Scissors to score the good chair
Let’s me wear her jacket, even when her arms are bare
She shoots me with a nerf gun, but is also on my team, even when she knows I ****, I have a tendency to freeze....
She changes my locks to make sure she knows I’m safe
She gives me wound orders, she knows I’ll never take
Even when she’s being dramatic, she still charms me
I wish she would believe, she’s the only one I see
When she’s jealous she sends emojis, ******* or thumbs up
She teaches me important things, I love when we make up
The only one I’d go off the grid with, she’s always so prepared
Even when I’m mad at her I want her to be there
A bullet through the chest
Losing when you know you tried your best
A knife in your heart
The call that broke us apart
I cried and begged you to stay but you said you were already on your way
I said through my tears “please turn around” but you didn’t give me the time of day
I begged you to care about me you chose going home to her
I keep waiting for you to show up, but I know it was a blur
There’s nothing I could do to make you stay
I’m tired of the games you always play
I said “we’re hanging on by a thread”
But you wanted to go home, left me cold and dead
I said I would’ve shown up for you,
You said I don’t do what you do
This time it’s truly over,
This time we won’t recover
Hot burning tears fall down my cheek
The voice in my mind tells me not to speak
My thoughts of our kids will start to fade
The sweet memories will dwindle away
I close my eyes and we’re back in the car
Im dancing and you feel so far
I try everything to pull you in close
We fall in the kind of love you never forget
My last drop of blood, id let it run dry
If you’d just stay and hold me, and not say goodbye
I promised I’d never be one of those girls, warm tears stream down my face, hanging on every word you say
I didn’t see it coming, I’ll never be the same
To keep you I’d fight any war, give any wage
I know we aren’t good for each other, we’re fire and gas
I don’t see that when I’m with you, my heart beats too fast
I fought a hard fight, I clawed and I begged
To not fall in love, I don’t understand
You still just want her, I know you don’t mean it
But at the end of the day I can’t compete