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Darianshae Feb 23
I feel so lonely
I will keep myself composed,until I explode
All you see is pictures of me smiling
When I cry all the time
Nobody asks me if I’m alright
Giving up seems so easy
Two days ago I tried to take my life
I can only write when I’m sad
Happiness seems so distant
People say it’s all in your head
I’m so tired of this life
I don’t know how I have the energy to even type
My heart hurts so much
Nobody cares
I am not loved
These are the thoughts in my mind
No genuine people in my life
Surrounded by fake love
Whats the point in living when you don’t look forward to life?
Life is just so boring
I hate myself more and more
Anger beaming within me for not having the same support
I can’t take this anymore
Why can’t I just get a break ?
Why can’t I get the love that I see other people take ?
My heart grows green with envy
I wanna give up so bad
All I ever wanna do is cry
Anxiety controls my life
Please just give me another life
Where people love and care about me
Where I’m a beauty queen
Where I feel genuine people surrounding me
Where I have my **** together
Where I have dreams and aspirations
Because right now
I’m lonely,Insecure, a mess.
I don’t want to go on anymore
Please god give me a break
I wish I could just understand my calling in life
Right now I feel like I’m nothing
I need more to keep going
I have nothing to look forward to
I don’t know what to do
I’m sitting here in bed with my cat
writing a poem I don’t know if I’ll post
I feel like a cry baby
I’m disgusted and annoyed with myself
My face is fat
My teeth are crooked
Social media once again creates unrealistic filters in my head
My husband tells me it’s all a lie
“You’re beautiful.”, he says
I don’t believe him
I made a YouTube channel as if I’m interesting enough to watch
I envy the love others get
So I gave it a shot
I know I’ll never get lucky enough
But I try anyways
Failing at every attempt
I’m just embarrassing myself at the end of the day.
I wish you didn’t have to be flawless to get the attention on social media
I crave that love and attention
I’m lacking in
People won’t ever understand what it’s like to feel so lonely that you just want to die.
I don’t know what else to do.
I’m breaking slowly inside.
I cry out for help but nobody hears
So now I’m here writing this poem instead
Please god help me find happiness
this was long I’m sorry I’m in my feels I’m angry and depressed . I have my husband and my cat at the end of the day I just wish I had a friend like myself sometimes I just feel so alone. I could never say any of this to any of the girls in my life. I have ‘friends’ not friends that check up on me It’s always the other way around. I’m not saying these people are awful I just don’t ever feel the love I receive so I no longer have the energy to give that love anymore to anybody else because I can’t even give it to myself at this point. I crave that genuine friendship that I don’t have. I just feel like too many people care too much about themselves and focused more on their life's and I understand .
Darianshae Sep 2019
Loneliness has a hold of you
Struggling to breathe, anxiety attached to you. You fear it will always be this way. Nobody ever believed you when you said you had a problem. You should be happy they’ll say. But I feel like I’m going crazy each and every day. Running out of energy you have lost your way to recharge. Feeling so alone even when you aren’t. Thoughts of suicidal tendencies playing on your heart. So drained, afraid you will always feel this way.
Welcome back depression
Darianshae Dec 2018
You haven’t felt an ounce of sadness
You thought that it was the last of it
Until seasonal depression comes its way
Right on time every year
Each winter it’s appears
Be prepared to cry
Sometimes even question your life
Scream as loud as you can
But seasonal depression once it’s gone will just come back again
Darianshae Oct 2018
I thought it was real love
my heart was in denial
Only a lustful relation, I gave you my all.
I received nothing
You knew I was an easy girl to get what you wanted.
You would call me your girlfriend when I was only a notch in your belt.
I thought it was real.
I was only kidding myself
I’m happily married now but thinking back on future past relations & the toxicity of them. I just thank god I didn’t hold on to them instead I found the special man I married.
Darianshae Apr 2018
My mind is too busy
Anxiety engulfs me
A sudden rush of worries
Heart racing
Lungs pacing
A walk into a room,
wanting to leave immediately
All eyes criticizing
Anxiety once again manifest ideas inside my head.
Anxiety, my only friend
The constant companion that never takes a break.
I have no trouble ending toxic relationships but this one I can never shake.
Darianshae Jan 2018
Secrets can haunt you forever.
Sometimes when something so traumatic happens to you, you can’t find it in yourself to speak up. As much as you want to scream for help you lay there empty knowing there’s no way of going back to the girl you once used to be. The girl you never cared for but now the girl you longed to be .
It was just a drink with friends, you thought. You were having fun, you thought. But silly you, just because you told him no doesn’t mean he was going to listen.
You never once thought the fun night you had would of ever robbed you of feeling any less in the world than you already did. You were wrong.
You told yourself it was nothing until you started to believe it. You were so good at putting it deep in the back of your mind .
Three Years pass but the past in your head kept playing over and over again. You will never be the same girl again.
Being silent ruined you. No, he ruined you.
You will never truly feel safe again as you feel men’s eyes glare at you piercing throughout your entire entity embodying the pain once again.
Darianshae Jan 2018
A little girl pure
not yet matured
sleeping in bed
awaken by touches on her little chest
She just wanted to rest
She was even still dressed
She knew it wasn't right
She still closed her eyes
On the way to school that morning whispering to her friend while the bus was boarding she confided and cried scared of what had happened on that night.
She thought she was imagining things so she didn't say anything.
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