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Jul 2020 · 90
I know her
Darby Jul 2020
but I dont know where she goes.

She walks with me,
Down city streets and bright hallways.

But never in the dark.
She won't walk with me down my street.

She hides in the cars that pass by
Watching.
She is always watching.

Even though I've studied her face so thoroughly,
She never looks away from my eyes.

I think she might love me.

Because when I cry, she cries,
And she doesn't stop until I do.
Apr 2020 · 98
04/09/2020
Darby Apr 2020
Every day is longer,
yet I grow no stronger.
I just want to wander,
but I'm forced to squander
my time away.
Each passing day
there's more decay,
and whose to say
this won't be the end?
We can all pretend
that we don't comprehend
the position we're in.
We are so driven,
and we all have a vision,
but I'm stuck in my kitchen,
watching the world end.
Mar 2020 · 82
to forget
Darby Mar 2020
I never thought I would be so happy to forget
all the time I spent fighting
when your grasp had already slipt
you gave up on me and I held on and on and on
until now

I stand on my own ground
I stand as who I am
and who I want to be
I stand as the girl
who forgot about you,
finally

I hope you are happy
with whoever it is now
But I strive to be happy
without a single soul around
Mar 2020 · 84
03-14-20
Darby Mar 2020
I can't remember what movies we saw.
I can't remember which nights I lost in you.
I can't remember the shape of your jaw,
or what convinced me I loved you too.
I forgot about your birthday,
and on Valentine's, you didn't cross my mind.
it would have been a year in January,
but I forgot until almost nine.
the box in my closet has collected dust.
empty spraypaint cans starting to rust.
my bed smells like me again,
and less like us.

I think the more I forget,
and the more I live longer,
I'll search less for a duet,
and just learn to sing stronger.
Feb 2020 · 87
02-01-20
Darby Feb 2020
he posted that picture
of that familiar place
don't overthink it
you drove past him
twice in one day
don't overthink it
he liked your post
after six months
don't overthink it
Nov 2019 · 166
over and over
Darby Nov 2019
A Bitter Taste is your legacy.
the mark you chose to leave on me;
one of wasted time, and wasted space.
a mark I can't seem to erase;
those words you spoke to me
while laying in my company
over and over and over again.
blink 3 times if you hear me
Oct 2019 · 229
10-20-19
Darby Oct 2019
I am tired of feeling lost in you
I am tired of running back when you call
I am tired of never being enough
I am tired of being nothing to you and everything to your ego
I am tired of this bitter taste,
of your voice in my head when I can't sleep
of looking for signs of you on every street
of wishing I had been what you needed
because, you never saw me as anything more than a little girl with a lesson to be learned, and yourself as the perfect teacher.
Aug 2019 · 107
Hers
Darby Aug 2019
I used to think you were my cure
But I know now you are my curse
Because I cant forget eyes just like my own
Or a smile as big as yours
We died just in time for our flowers to bloom
And now those flowers are hers
Mar 2019 · 101
Please
Darby Mar 2019
Please
Dont whisper my name
Ill shoo you away like one of my bees

Yell it instead
So I can hear You

Please
Dont tap on my shoulder
I'll ignore you like one of my keepers

Shake me instead
So I can feel You

Please
Dont stare too long
I'll think you can see them

Buzzing behind my eyes
And holding a knife behind my back
Mar 2019 · 93
I am a beehive
Darby Mar 2019
My bees do the work
Taking my mind
To make their honey
And push it through my mouth
To be collected
By their keepers
Whom I cannot see
They hold me still for extraction
They watch me sleep
Incase my bees try to leave
Through my ears at night
But
My bees love me
They need me
For their honey
They'll buzz for me until
They've taken all I have
And then
They'll buzz
Some more
Apr 2018 · 161
The sound of birds
Darby Apr 2018
Your laugh used to fill all my midnights
With the sound of birds
after all avian life was sleeping

Your laugh danced through my dreams
And drifted through the wind
When you weren't around

But, like birds migrate,
You found new uses
For that bubbly, bright, beautiful laugh

My midnights became midnights
And the birds were just birds
Because your laugh had taken a new form

Instead of serenades
Your laugh came like bullets
And pierced my skin

We no longer sang together
Your laugh went on without me
Your laugh went on about me
Apr 2018 · 193
her
Darby Apr 2018
her
Today I cried on the floor of my kitchen
i sat there with my head in my hands
i sat there for half an hour
crying
drooling
screaming
into my shirt sleeves
after a while, i went numb
i stared at the floor
listening to my family in the living room

its just another meltdown
she probably just forgot to take her meds
shes probably on her period
she needs to learn some respect

the real world will show her
she cant act like a baby
every time shes upset.
Darby Mar 2018
I keep my old pill bottles.
not because I plan to reuse them,
or fill them with extra beads,
stray sewing needles
random coins,
a travel pack of Q-tips,
or tiny paint tubes that I might use to somehow make my mental illnesses art.
I keep my old pill bottles because they are me.
I keep my old pill bottles because they are one month of me.
they are not me because they have my name,
address,
medicine,
doctor,
pill quantity,
pharmacy,
Rx number printed on them in ******* ink.
they are me because they held the chemicals my body could not dream of creating.
What they hold is not beautiful. it is not deep.
it is a second leg you have to re-stitch every day because your body didn't know how to grow one.
Those bottles hold the pills that make me, me.
I feel because of them,
I sleep because of them,
I live because of them.
Before them, I was not human.
I was a body with partial instructions.
Every Month I have to get another extension of myself from the local CVS.
Every month I put an empty bottle in the box on my nightstand because that bottle held what I was last month.

it's strange looking at a small white pill knowing that someday this month, that pill will be the reason you react to something important the way you did or the one you forget to take causing a break down in your English class.

It's strange how I can be manufactured so easily.
Oct 2017 · 197
Science
Darby Oct 2017
So what if they don't love you
So what if it's not true
Who cares how many people you go through
The only person you have to please is you

Who cares how long you stay
if you want, you could leave today
So what if your uber gay
Girl or Guy, you don't have to stay

Its okay to do things for science
Self-exploration isn't defiance
One little kiss isn't a lifelong alliance
maybe you're not gay because it was for science
Oct 2017 · 206
uh.
Darby Oct 2017
uh.
im sorry if i seem a little silly
im just a little new to this
i promise im not this weird really
and what i try to hit i miss
its just that i like you
and trying to make that notion
my courage is a gnat and you
are an ocean

your waves crash over me
when you give me that smile
my heart beats times thirty
it makes my day worthwhile
your eyes are my favorite color
and your hair is bright like the sun
my ability to speak is getting smaller
this is something ive never done

i really wish you could see
that im not such an idiot
my flirting skills are ******
but i promise im literate
i just cant find the words i need
to describe how beautiful you are
in life you are sure to succeed
compared to everyone else you are a star

please know that when i say
you are beautiful i mean inside too
you have managed to amaze me in every way
i dont think you have a bad bone in you
i dont only like you but i admire
your kindness and humor
when im around you my lungs set fire
i wish i had a social tudor

well anyway i enjoy your smile and your mind
i hope one day we can be something
im not sure theres anything in me admirable to find
except maybe that i like you as much as a hot wing
but youve got me smitten
and i cant get up
and now that all of this has been written
i hope you never look it up
Oct 2017 · 244
its been better
Darby Oct 2017
I'm not sure how the human brain works.
I know we've all got our ticks and our quirks
and lately, i think I'm going crazy
i have moments where everything goes hazy
they say there's nothing wrong with me
that I'm fine and compared to others i should feel lucky.

But i cant feel lucky when my head spins
when it feels like my skin is covered in pins
i lay in bed all day just screaming
and i cant even tell when im only dreaming
so don't tell me that im perfectly fine
when youve only ever experinced cloud nine

i used to tell myself that i was okay
i was just tired and the world wont always sway
but lately things have been getting bad
ive been touchy and lashing out at my mom and dad
and when asked whats wrong
i just cry for so long

you see, i dont even know
its like my brain stopped growing a long time ago
just a small inconvenience is like
an attack that needs an airborne strike
dont touch me. i might bite
please know its just out of fright

im just scared and trying to get by
but right now i really wanna die
last night around nine-thirty
i think my mom started to hate me
she looked at me in disgust
she wouldnt touch me. i think she feared i would combust

you might have guessed by now im not doing too well
my self pity is starting to smell
ive got to get back to playing my part
acting happy, making my art
and if i dont purposefully drown myself in my pool
ill see you guys in school
im not gonna **** myself pls dont call the cops
May 2017 · 265
The End
Darby May 2017
Our story that I tried so hard to write is already closed, you were my stronghold that my heart has now foreclosed.

I tried so hard to perfect the things we did and what we said, I wrote the letters over and over until I wished I was dead.

Page after page I would erase and rewrite, sentence after sentence my heart had less light.

You walked all over the pages and ripped out your favorite parts, you folded all the edges and broke my helpless heart.

I would come in running after you cleaning your mistakes, accepting the apologies you would never really make.

You blamed me for your madness and said I was no good, but truly it was your fault cause I did all I could.

You broke all my smiles and you turned them to frowns, you took my happy life and turned it upside down.

I can’t take the pain you caused me or the images you left in my head, they all used to be happy until your negativity spread.

My fairytale ending wasn’t what I'd expected, I guess your concept of friendship was never perfected.

I’m okay now we can say goodbye, I’m happy I left you, but the memories will always be mine.
;)
May 2017 · 183
Happy, fades.
Darby May 2017
I want the number of hours I've been happy,
to equal the number of hours I've been living.
I want the number of hours I've spent crying,
To be the thing I forget first
when my memory fades.

I want the people that I've made happy,
To be the people that keep me living.
I want the people who've caused my crying,
to be the thing I forget second
when my memory fades.

If I find someone to love, I hope I make them happy.
If I find someone to love, they'll be what keeps me living.
If I find someone to love, I'll help them when they're crying.
If I find someone to love, I want to forget them last
when my memory fades
Mar 2017 · 135
Unsung
Darby Mar 2017
we are often told
that when we grow old
we will find happiness in everyday things
but I have to ask,
concerning this task,
of what memories happiness brings
I am young,
have many words unsung,
and don't quite know where my life leads
Dec 2016 · 244
Sick. Strange. Standards
Darby Dec 2016
Perfect does not exist
she screams
her stomach is in a twist
tear streams

They're rolling down her face
she falls
she's a beautiful disgrace
her dolls

even have better shape
it seems
like she's only eaten a grape
she dreams

about a perfect life
there's no
dumb body standards or strife
I know

it's dumb to hope for change
for some
perfection has no range
they're numb

to all the levels of beauty
they loath
real individuality
pretty

is not an appearance
we are
all real physical brilliance
a scar

left by standards and a blade
she died
because we hate what she weighed
You are the definition of beauty
Nov 2016 · 494
Nostalgia
Darby Nov 2016
for that split second, it was eternity
my body was filled with sudden urgency
our eyes met and I was numb
it felt like minutes but it was none
we stared at each other for hours
it felt as though time had no powers
I sat back down in my seat
I could feel every heartbeat
I didn't know what was happening
for that split second, it was the beginning

then he said those words in the hall
and it felt like a poisoned wrecking ball
I know deep down that what I wish
is completely dumb and utterly foolish
but I want to know what you think
because right now I'm beginning to sink

we talk every now and again
but talking to you feels like a sin
it feels right and of good reason
until my friends all compare it to treason
somethimes I look at you through the corner of my eye,
if anyone asked of course I would lie
I know we have tried and things never work
but in a perfect world I wouldn't have to lurk
in a perfect world, I know we would last
I wish we could go back and redo the past.
Jul 2016 · 498
People Never Change
Darby Jul 2016
They say that people never change
But they change like the weather
You think it's kinda strange
cause you were birds of a feather

Maybe they get worse
Like an oncoming storm
They used to be your universe
But now you feel torn

When people grow up
fading and drifting away
they keep filling their cup
as you ask them to stay

Old friends slowly turn
into unknown faces
Your whole body yearns
for familiar places

They say that people never change
But they change like the weather
we had a friendly exchange
but there was no tether
Jun 2016 · 384
A Part of The Storm
Darby Jun 2016
When thunder booms outside their room
people often convert to gloom

and when the sirens sound
the people gather around

and they listen to the storm as it rattles the walls
and they watch with terror as it shakes the halls

and when the lightning flashes
they think the world is ashes

then they run to take cover
or maybe they even contact a lover

but when the rain falls like it hates the ground
and the clouds cry their booming sound

when puddles form on the pavement
raging with ripples from its replacement

your whole body longs to take part in the storm
since the chaos and anger is already your norm

with the sound in your ear and drops on your skin
you would never have to counterfeit your grin

When dark clouds are crying for you,
you don't always feel the constant urge to

when the sky screams louder than you ever could
you can't find a suitable reason why you should

when the pavement has puddles bigger than your pillow
why only settle with looking out the window?

you  can feel the tears building in your eyes
and just like always, you are one with the skies

The horizon screams its rolling shriek
your homemade rain rolls down your cheek

The power goes out and there is no light
No one can see you so why should you fight
Apr 2016 · 336
1234
Darby Apr 2016
one, two, three, four,
I declare that love's a war
five, six, seven, eight
I thought you were my one soul mate
nine, ten, eleven, twelve
I was taught to "save yourself"
thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, more*
I'm sorry* that I left you sore.
Apr 2016 · 721
4/24/16
Darby Apr 2016
2/22/16
Pictures are lies with faces
They seem like happy people in happy places
behind the ink, they’re a pile of court cases

Pictures show us what we want to see
they all lock their doors and swallow the key
When the cameras come out they sit down for tea

and pretend nothing happened


Pictures are lies with faces
Once the flash is gone it’s wild goose chases
Their lives don’t have room for blank spaces

Pictures show us what we want to see
Their bright smiles line up perfectly
But even dull teeth are deadly

And words and can make a life end


Pictures are lies with faces
All we see are smiles and braces
When people leave they’re the only traces

Pictures show us what we want to see
When the family posed under the birch tree
After the flash, they all disagree

*And argue till’ the point they transcend
Apr 2016 · 951
My Bestfriend
Darby Apr 2016
You're my best friend
You're my glow
And come winter
You're my snow

You're my canvas
You're my paint
My arms are to catch you
If you faint

You're my oxygen
You're my air
When you have a problem
know I care

When you feel lost
And can't find the light
I'll be here
to help you fight

If some stupid boy
Gives your heart an ache
I promise his tombstone
Will not be fake

You're fourteen now
Eleven when we met
And over those years
You're the one I don't regret.

You're my best friend
And I love you
And come hard times
I know you love me too.
Happy Birthday Chloe and hope I'm with you till' we're 80!
Feb 2016 · 754
Picture Perfect
Darby Feb 2016
Pictures are lies with faces.
They seem like happy people in happy places
behind the ink, they’re a pile of court cases

Pictures show us what we want to see
they all lock their doors and swallow the key
When the cameras come out they sit down for tea

and pretend nothing happened.
Feb 2016 · 498
These Days
Darby Feb 2016
kids these days look like notebook paper
and those lines on their skin they never taper

kids these days don't seem to talk
and when they do people seem shocked

kids these days are treated like ****
and all they do is chew on their bubblegum

adults these days, they say they've worked so hard
but they didn't become what they said in the schoolyard

adults these days, they say that kids don't care
but they were the ones who taught us to swear

adults these days, they say we're snotty
but they're the ones who designed our technology

society these days is so backwards
we might have more mutual respect if we checked the records

kids these days may look like paper
but adults these days will just say you're a faker

kids these days may not talk
but adults these days criticise around the clock

kids these days may be treated like ****
but adults these days expect us to be someone

nothing about the world is ******* right
but I guess it's not left either.
Jan 2016 · 483
32843
Darby Jan 2016
When I'm with you
I'm never blue

When you're around all my problems fade
Every color becomes a brighter shade

You're in my head with every love song that comes on
You're the "Hidden meaning" behind everything I've drawn

Every single time you hold my hand
My heart pounds like a brass band

The very first time that we kissed
I thought nothing better on Earth could exist

Every time that we awkwardly hug
I feel like your arms are an addictive drug

When I text you all I get are butterflies
My mind plastered with your blue eyes

Your laugh is the beat of my heart
Your existence is a work of art

The only way I would say "I do"
Is if you're the one saying it too
this is super gross
Jan 2016 · 321
1/18/16
Darby Jan 2016
"The day you fall asleep next to me
Is the day I'll finally wake up happy."
When I'm with you everything is perfect.
Jan 2016 · 560
I Miss The Innocent You
Darby Jan 2016
Blood is red
veins are blue
I know how you laughed when you were two

I remember fairy daydreams
The way to ticklish screams

When you swallowed your first loose tooth
In a Buffalo Wild Wings booth

You were baptised at nine
Got your first bible and cracked the spine

I was so proud. You let her go
The girl you liked when God was someone you didn't know

I thought you would be better
That when you found God you'd forget her

I mean really, you're only a kid
But your walk with him stopped with a skid

I try so hard to be influential
But you think God isn't essential

You go to church to be with friends
But that won't help you when he descends

You are only eleven
And I'd like to see my baby sister in heaven

Blood is red
Veins are blue
Please remember God loves you
I love you Penelope
Jan 2016 · 321
the invisible
Darby Jan 2016
How do people know what they're smelling is real
if a scent is just a thing in your nose you cannot feel
How do people believe in ghosts they cannot see
They're gone but they still miss the one who died at sea
How can people trust to fly with a pilot their eyes have never met
and dismiss September 11th like it was never an actual threat
How can people favor a place their eyes have never been
Like high in the mountains where the air may be thin
How can people judge someone their eyes don't even know
and call them fat when the last time they ate was two weeks ago
How do people picture things their eyes don't recognize
Like how a human looks when one dies
How can people go on blind or mystery dates
or develop intimate relationships at rapid rates
How can people say another is their lover
if they've only seen them on a magazine cover
How can people never see, yet still know they have a neighbor
and not believe Jesus Christ is our savior
How can people believe in things of imagination
and not believe in the one responsible for our creation
For those who do believe and trust in our God
I greatly applaud
For those who want to know more about heaven
just open up to him and have your own salvation session
Dec 2015 · 698
The End
Darby Dec 2015
Our story that I tried so hard to write is coming to a close, babe you were my stronghold that my heart has now foreclosed.

I tried so hard to perfect the things we did and what we said, I wrote the letters over and over until I wished I was dead.

Page after page I would erase and rewrite, sentence after sentence my heart had less light.

You walked all over the pages and ripped out your favorite parts, you folded all the edges and broke my helpless heart.

I would come in running after you cleaning your mistakes, accepting your apologies I never realized you were fake.

You blamed me for your madness and said I was no good, but truly it was your fault cause I did all I could.

You broke all my smiles and you turned them to frowns, you took my happy life and turned it upside down.

I can’t take the pain you caused me or the images you left in my head, they all used to be happy until you said you loved her instead.

My fairytale ending wasn’t what I'd expected, I guess our love was never perfected.

I’m okay now we can say goodbye, I’m happy you left me, but the memories will always be mine.
Darby Nov 2015
September is never my month.
My life's been at its worst every single September for the past 3 years.
Threes years ago in this month I found out we would be moving by the end of the school year away from the house I had lived in for 5 years of my life.
I was 11 when we moved.
I lived at the house for a little under half my life.
I slowly watched all of my childhood memories being shoved into boxes and taped up just to be found 10 years later in the attic of the mysterious new house we would move into and that tore me to pieces.
We moved in may and I felt okay about it but then we started school the next year in 6th grade and then September came along and he went out with the cousin I hated the most, the girl that treated me like ****, and even my best friend.
I still loved him and that ripped me to pieces.
He realized how amazing I was in February and We started dating in March that year.
It was perfect all summer.
Then September came along in 7th grade and he broke up with me on the 19th.
I didn't cry.
But I wanted to.
Oh, I wanted to so bad.
I still loved him and that tore me to pieces.
I held on to hope that he would realise he still loved me until March that year.
My cousin was born on what would have been our one year anniversary and that ruined that day for me.
I stopped waiting for him.
He came back to me as soon as I got a boyfriend in April.
We went out for awhile until I realized I didn’t love him the same.
Through all of that there was one person that was there for me and I had the slightest crush on him because I was so focused on the other boy.
I realized I loved him the summer before 8th grade.
When school started we didn't have any classes together and didn't have time to text as much as we used to.
One of my friends Told me how she saw him in the hallway and I started crying because I never saw him during the day.
September started and I decided to tell him that I liked him and he handled it okay.
It turns out that he was actually going to ask me out, but one of my closest friends gave him the whole “what if it ruins the friendship” speech and he changed his mind. He knows that I knew everything and now it's different.
Septembers a *****
and I think now I understand why Greenday wanted to sleep through it.
sorry it's so long
Darby Nov 2015
When you walk past me, I can feel the hatred burning in your heart.
When we make eye contact, I can feel regret swelling in my throat.
When I hear your name, I think about all the good times we had.
When I see you smile, I start screaming inside my head to look away.
When you run your fingers through your hair, I feel myself die inside.
When we avoid each other in the hall, I know everyone can see my pain.
When I talk about you, I feel like you're there with me, That's why I do.
When I see you, I taste the blood from my cheek warm on my tongue.
When I look away, I unclench my jaw before I realize it was even closed
When I realize what happened, I make sure nobody saw me staring at you.
When I know the coast is clear, I swallow the evidence.
When you’re through with me, I will have scars nobody can see.
Darby Nov 2015
You're like a headache that doesn’t go away.
When I try to erase you, you scream “No Way!”
All I hear is your throbbing, All I feel is your pain.
All your memories are burning a hole through my brain.
when our eyes meet, I’m the first to turn my head.
When I try to shake you off you only manage to spread.
I’ve only managed to love you, and I think that ruined me.
He was perfect, but my mind said, “If he’s not him we aren’t meant to be.”
I know you hate me, everyone does.
I just wish my love for you would fade away to fuzz.
I don’t only taste blood sometimes I taste microwave burritos or Twix
You ate yours with the cheese that always sticks
But now they only make me sick when I start to chew.
You wrestled your brother and let him win because he’s smaller than you.
I can only blame myself because it's my fault you’re gone.
I shouldn’t have been scared I should just held on.
maybe then I’d have butterflies in my stomach,
Not bees in my mind.
Do you ever do something or say something and think of me?
Nov 2015 · 2.0k
If I were a cloud
Darby Nov 2015
If I were a cloud, nobody would ever be able to hurt me. They would throw their punches and I would just enclose around their fists. They scream their evil words as loud as they could and the sound would be muffled by mass. I could just stay high in the sky, changing shapes with the wind and ignoring the evil world below me. If was sad everyone would feel my tears like they feel their own. If I were mad they would hear my screams as lightning struck. I wouldn't have to deal with stupid boys and stupid hearts. When I wanted to die, I would just let the wind ******* to nothing, and nobody would noticing me missing.
If life was mine to change, we all could be happy.
Nov 2015 · 238
You
Darby Nov 2015
You
You are literally everything I ever needed.
And I guess, if you were him everything would have succeeded.
I know that you love me, and you want me to want you.
But when i'm around you, I feel like I have the flu.
I get sick to my stomach and nothing feels right.
and when you held my hand a little too tight,
I wanted it to work with us, for me to feel just fine.
But he already stained my heart like a glass of red wine.
I Know we could be perfect if I could just let go.
There's just so many things that I don't even know.
Sometimes I think I love you, and every is perfect.
And then you said something he did, and I was a little conflicted.
I don't want to hurt you, and I know it's too late to say that.
I've already cut through your heart like a scratch from a cat.
Good luck trying to heal your brand new open wound
I'm gonna go hide myself from the world
with some paint in my room

— The End —