Water fills the room
And dares to enter me  
Oh this cruel game again?
A game of breath underwater
No up or down just
Now... spinning, spinning in black and loosing my bearings
Can I do this?
Am I capable of this?
letting in the rushing water into my body?
But in this state of pained catatonics I realize something
the water isn't trying to crush but to heal
I had been holding my breath long before the water
long before this room
since my very first breath
the pain of burdens had been the familiar
it was the rocks thrown
The traded blows
The anger of unknown origin
It was the healing I was seeking
A quick inhale and a cut to black
and I sit in the squeaky chair a woman vague
shouting of success at my successful drowning

I fear my mind is breaking.
It ripples.
And shakes.
And inevitably builds it self again.
I've never been the one to be in control, But i feel even less so now.
Even at the moment the world wobbles.
The morning...Maybe the evening?
I can't tell.
But Ive been feeling that this time is running thin.
Ive been breaking from within .
Wispy thoughts of grander things keeping me akin to a boy.
Or maybe a Man? Something in between?
But it feels like pain, sorta like death, like fading warmth.
Something like a ball of ice cold pessimism I can't shake.
a fever dream of a psychotic break.
like a fear of tomorrow.

We are something even more than love,
Something fluid and constant
Beyond the sunny morning with smiles of honey we are....
Together Forever,
We stand and though chained and beaten we are fierce,
Standing at the precipice of a dizzying fall, So close, so far
we find solace.
Now Minds like a bow string pulled taught against ones cheek
A storm thrown generously across the horizon
  we stand hand in hand
with a mad God's crazy war plan
Fighting the weather
We remain partners forever.

you haunt me
you torture me in
Reminders, the light in your eyes fading like a dream shortly after waking
i don’t write with periods;
my teachers always said “how could you ever have a concept of an,
End?"
You never stop,
i’ve found myself waking in tears
and falling into a deep well
Just a frog
Maybe, I will never get rid of you
I want to, believe me
but far more likely; is that you will stalk my memories
I don’t know what is happening
but I remember In the dim glow you held me when I was so afraid I couldn’t breath.
we held each other, we clutched at each other like the earth and the moon
you the earth
and me
the moon
i could not escape
but everything just a well
of gravity
perhaps I cannot see everything
and you see me as the sun
i don’t know when I won’t remember
the remainders
i wonder if I ever appear in the corner of your dreams?

CALM OF EXPECTATION
This is the moment I found my self plunged in the ocean of my own soul
where i don't feel the terrifying decay of self
like a spark in the dark
that fills in the whole
that thought had lost
i felt me clearer than I ever have.
It is the moment after we fall
also
the moment after we stand
long fleeting, ever present, but often forgotten
in the light of Happiness
I realized
we ride a ship over oceans of pain
in this land
it couldn't last.
this fleeting moment of happiness
can it last?
tell me can this expectation
this love, happiness and wonder,
survive what undoubtedly approaches?  


STORM
Again in a moment, I explored my soul
where the the ocean boils but stills and the cold over takes you
but also soothes you.
you forget the ocean exist
And you drink
drink it all down until it becomes a part of you  
the cold of that moment
becomes your strength, it bolsters uplifts and destroys.
certainly the expectation of that moment of happiness that never came was not enough
it did not strengthen you it weakened you
it was indeed poison
indeed a habit
that cannot exist in this rage
in this sea of certain uncertainty
in this break in self judgement
lack of empathy towards ones self
and tearing and repairing of this land itself
or are we just subjects, watchers of our own soul weather?

Do I know you?
Do I want to?
Maybe I ought to?
I wonder if you want to too


Can you see the thoughts inside my mind?
Do you see the grind of time set to rewind at your mention?

Juggling time and rhyme in a lyrical intervention
Gymnastics balanced on the space between two points
A line
I think it’s time to find you.