i am but a child with my eyes closed believing i am invisible
cloaked in my own curiosity
i tiptoe over sentences and ask about big words like
what does ******* mean?
My mama told me don't ask for it
What is it?
How do I paint my nails red without smearing the Polish?
When i felt (becoming a woman) run down my legs along went my wonder, childlike
My body was now poetic in the way it wrote verses across the pad
:I am the taste of stale lemon cookies from grandmas pantry
I am room temperature coffee staining your tongue and stomach lining
A small tickle in the back of your throat causing gigantic miniscule sweet baby coughs
A shower that just can't seem to get warm
I am entirely too underwhelming
Indelicate angelic **** up
Beige walls to match my mild touch.
I do not burn
You're feelings never hurt
Id say I'm sorry but my voice is a humming of drums on fingertips
Sticks beat the vibration of voice off it
My slushed thoughts slashed into I have nots caused you lots and lots of boredom so you stopped listening to me accept i don't think you were ever listening for me cause you just wanted to hear a story about a **** girl whose hips made circular movements not innocent but there were pink cotton ******* and i hade baby lips
Draft. -pretty girl
Noble knight arms himself with half smiles that fill the spaces of conversations he can't find words for
He, indelicate yet so fragile you'd think his bread bits would crumble neatly into a pile of precious innocence
He's a sunshine boy so bright i had to sheild my eyes
I hate it when tears leave his eyes
I wish to sit behind him and draw pictures on his back of all the things i don't know how to say
"Sampson. Do you ever pretend your life is a movie cause you'd rather have happy cliches than tragedy?"
I live in a state where the girls are not *** but the culture is
Where my boy only tells you he loves you when it's convenient
When your i love you's are only true if they come with the gift of your body
I live someplace where the women do not bloom often
The girls have guilty minds from putting dainty things on display while men find joy in plucking them but we do not tell dad
That nice man is giving girl attention
She asks her self if this is love
Little girls are too little and too big too
They tell you let your mind grow but dont let your bodies move
Girls who are tight with mature minds are for men who lack depth
Who have bottle caps for heads cause there's no water room
Shave your ***** cause he wants you too
Plus your legs cause he wants those smooth
Say "please" and "thank you" Pretty girls gotta be polite
Say "I'm sorry." cause existing upsets the balance of their breathing
If you woulda been sweeter you coulda saved yourslef another breakdown
"But i love him." say
I've become accustomed to sending her letters of I love you and pressed flower petals between pages I call ribs
My powdered heart is so fine you'd think i wouldn't be able to find the bits
She brought her delicate finger tips to press against it
I told her of a treasure i had found on my bedroom floor trying lure my skeleton from it's sacred slumber
She said she needed a knight on her quest to free her princess bones so I said yes
We battled sleep demons with pillow underbellies to tell eachother our calorie counts
I promise we're not sick just as lovely as it gets
Do you know how many birthday wishes i wasted on mermaid tails and doll skin?
I wanted to be as white as ariel in the arms of a boy who loved a girl without a voice
My cousin calls them snowflakes but she is just as prissy as the flowers who didn't love her as much as she loved their skin...
I wanted to waste away my melanin
I wanted to blend
I've lost count the tears I used to water my dreams of dusty rose cheeks and freckels
Im not sure of what i am.
But i think she is meant to be as she is
Let's let her grow a while longer
A differnt plant entirely. Naturally. Lovely.
I can feel my collar bones though my stomach grows?
Weird how i always hear it groan.
I feed her calories yet it's not enough.
Most times I feed her nothing but ana says it's still too much.
So i walk stairs at night cause she never lets me sleep.
If i chew my nails the stubs I'll have to keep.
I can't sleep at night i tell you I think i might decay.
Im decaying is what they say.
I can't count in maths but my intakes to the decimal.
Silly me thinking i should let myself feel full.
How come im only pretty when im dying?
I haven't written anything real for a few months but this came to me tonight.