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Esther Feb 6
anxiety
anxiety
anxiety
anxiety
anxiety

i can't do it
i ******* can't
i can't do anything
help
i can't breathe
help
why is the room swaying?
help
i don't want to be here
HELP
WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR ME??!?

i'm so
anxiousanxiousanxiousanxiousanxious
i tried
i really did
i wanted to make it
but i can't
the demons in my head
the demons in my life
they've got a hold of my legs
and dragged me
down
down
down
I'M DROWNING!

no it's not an excuse, a seek for attention
i. am. *******. sick.
you don't know me
you don't know what's best for me
you. are. not. me.
no i don't wanna talk to therapists after therapists
no the meds are useless
you. are. not. helping.
stop forcing me into talking and meeting people
all eyes on me
judging, hating, excluding me
i know it's all in my head
but you know what else is also in my head?
ME.
i'm feeling it all, not you.
and i don't know how to help myself...

anxiety
anxiety
anxiety
anxiety
anxiety
please, *******.
it was supposed to be my first day at a new college but i had an anxiety attack and cried and ran home. i don't know what to do with myself. i am so wrong, so sick. nothing is helping. i know i am a disappointment. i am so lost in this world.
Esther Jan 22
sometimes
before i sleep
i wish that i'd dream of you
because
in dreams
is the only place i get to see you again.
in my dreams you're touching my face
and asking me if i wanna try again with you...
and i almost do.

@12:31am
16/01/19
Esther Jan 6
we're both preceded by our reputation

we want the sun in our face

only to turn our backs to kiss the shadows.
this ain't for the best
my reputation's never been worse, so
you must like me for me.
Esther Dec 2018
for me, i've always liked the idea of drowning

it seems so peaceful, serene

slowly sinking into the dark abyss

consumed by the water that once gave you life.
gone was any trace of you, i think i am finally clean.
Esther Dec 2018
i'm swimming
i'm swimming
i'm swimming

drinking myself into oblivion
for the third time today
i'm drowning

i'm swimming
i'm swimming
help
i can't breathe.
Merry Christmas Y'all.
Esther Dec 2018
honey
my love for you is like an hourglass
when you leave
i shatter with it
...
stay
please.
@1:22am
12/11/18
Esther Dec 2018
They say photographs are precious
Because they remind you that once upon a time
Even just for a heartbeat
Everything was perfect
Looking through my phone
I don't have any pictures
From some of the best days of my life
Because i was too busy dancing in the sunset
Pressing lips against the people i loved the most
To remember to pull out my phone
And snap a picture

Those moments are engraved in my brain
Locked inside my heart's deepest chamber
Melted into every ounce of my soul
Replaying in my wildest dreams every night

I guess the best place to be alive
Is in each other's memories
It's the warmest feeling
An eternal smile on our face
Fingers intertwined
Heartbeats synchronised
Under the stars
On the beach
In the sunset
At the mall
In your bedroom with too little space
With the air on
Cuddling to "The Notebook"

I guess
We are immortal in each other's memories.
I live in your memories.

@3:18am
11/10/18
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