When I was small
I walked on fairy dust and
my dreams were as tall
as skyscrapers towering
above the universe
inside of me, was the galaxy.
I was born of the cosmos,
full of light and love
passionate in my quest to
give this to others.
But as I grew my star began to fade,
stars need love and light to survive
and deprived of both my blazing fire
transformed into weak candlelight.
At school I had learnt it was easier
to hide your light
than to stand out as different
and be extinguished in an instant.
So I kept myself to myself
at the back of the class,
knowing the answers but not
shouting them out.
I daydreamed, and doodled
stars on the corners
of my books, all the while
I could hear the universe
calling out to me to trust,
that we are all born of this
cosmic stardust.

When you hear of a new diagnosis
For someone known,
It begins again.
Every cloud seems special,
Every disappointment relative
To the breaking news.
My eighty on the links
Isn't so remarkable now -
Or is it?
Relative or not,
I'll carry my clubs tomorrow too.

Kiss me goodbye
A meaningful alibi
Like a wing-torn butterfly
That is hard to identify

Kiss me goodbye
Like a lovers passing by
Which I cannot deny
That the love they apply

Kiss me goodbye
In the clouds where I fly
While I sing you a lullaby
When our souls further untie

Kiss me goodbye
As we clarify
That the month of July
The month that I die

No one sees mt pain.
No one hears me cry.
No one knows I slowly die.
But here it is- my final goodbye.

Will you notice it- that I am gone?
Will you, will you miss me?
For how long?
How long would it takes your wounds to heal?
Will it leave scars?
Or will you just carry on?
How long till it is okay?
Will you, when will you forget me?
How long after I am gone?
I hope- I guess it won't take long.
I know it won't.
Because you never cared when I was alive.
So why would you mourn, care about my death.
How long will you remember me- after I am dead.

I waited for you
I waited for you to make a move
To show me that you wanted me to stay
But you didn't budge
You swore I would leave you
You reminded me everyday that I was a runner
That I was within fight or flight
"You won't stay anyway"
You told me
And after hearing that everyday
I knew I had to go
How could I stay with someone who never thought I could plant my feet
That I would never mean what I say
When I said I love you
We were born from lust and greed
Did you ever trust me
Did I ever trust you
Did you ever believe that I would stay
For you
That I could have been the one
The one who stayed for once
The one I fought for until the end
Of course not
Why would you.

Will you falter and fade
In a Palliative room,
With beeps and tubes
Confirming your doom?
Or a fiery crash
And screech of rubber
As onlookers see
Your hair aflame;
Will you fall from the sky
In a laser marked plane;
Get shot while buying
A lottery ticket,
Die doing something
Horribly wicked?
Perhaps the sound
Near your ears at night
Will forewarn your demise
By a mosquito bite.

I want to know how it feels to die,
to have the air stolen from my lungs,
and the thick sludge of my soul exude through every pore of my cooling skin.
I long to hear the crash of my hopes and regrets
as they collide in the vast emptiness of space.
I have a yen to know if when my life flashes before my eyes,
my successes will outnumber my failures.
I crave to be catapulted into something greater
or anything other than what I’m living.
I need to know that there’s more to the universe
than the decay of our bodies,
and the tarnished silver of our tongues.

-K.M.