he was raised to love
not to hate
he really did love her
he never felt the same about anyone before her
and hopefully
there wouldnt be an after.

he was also raised in a household
where fighting
was a norm.
he saw everyday his mother getting yelled at and beaten
by his step-father
and he would be threatened to fight with him.
(and by agreeing, he felt that could possibly help his mother open her eyes)
he never thought he could hate
but he did.
he sincerely hated
with a passion.
so much so that he started to actually feel it.
literal heartache.
he started to fear himself
knowing that he could both
love and
hate so greatly.
with his love,
he didnt want her to know
but he had put up a barrier
between both
her and him.
she started to sense it though.
she wanted to love him wholeheartedly
but he just wouldnt
allow it.

he was too afraid to hurt both her and him.
putting up a barrier couldve been the exact thing that could save them.
Like his family that was separated yet together
both crossed between
love and hate.

Hitman.

One target, my heart.

First try. Bang. Perfect shot.

You walked away with your head held high.

I was left bleeding out on the ground.

keep

telling

me

you understand

I look for you (sometimes);

not often,  not for very long, (but sometimes)

it’s hard to find someone (that doesn’t know they're lost)

And though I know you're not where I’m looking,
(I look anyway)

For a glimpse, a glimmer in the eye of stranger
(that perhaps I’ll recognize)

I’m not lonely (often)

And I’m grateful (always)

I won’t rush you (ever)

But I’m here

(when you’re ready)

to find me