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Syll 5d
I've had bad thoughts before.
There doesn't have to be a reason to have them.
They just come.
400 · Oct 2019
Please Keep Fighting
Syll Oct 2019
You have to keep fighting.
But it gets so hard to keep fighting.
There have been loses on both sides of the war.
You feel defeated.
You want to give up.
You want to surrender and end it all.
Please don’t.
There are people who want you to stick around.
So keep trying.
306 · Dec 2019
Syll Dec 2019
I found one,
But it has been six months since I have  given in.
I had to get rid of it.
It was too tempting to keep around.
I got rid of it,
And it made me sad, yet happy.
I am not going back.
I will not go back,
I refuse.
I had found a little sharp thing. But I successfully got rid of it. I am proud of myself. I resisted the urge to keep it.
259 · Dec 2019
Not Today
Syll Dec 2019
Not today,
I will not give in to the temptation.
Not today,
I will not dwell on bad thoughts.
Not today,
I will not harm myself.
Not today,
I will not...
Not today.
I just wanted to write a random poem. You can fill in the second to last line.
247 · Oct 2019
Please Tell Someone
Syll Oct 2019
You are a fighter.
You have been fighting for a while.
It has been hard,
But you can get through it.
There will be tears shed.
But it helps to get the emotion out.
If you don’t feel safe,
Please tell someone.
They can try to help you.
They might have to tell your family,
But they do it to protect you,
They want you to stick around.
They don’t want to think you can’t trust them.
Because you can trust them.
It may not feel like it sometimes,
But they tell someone for your benefit.
They love you.
I say it again, if you don’t feel okay or safe,
Please Tell Someone.
This is for a good friend of mine.
201 · Oct 2019
Don't Lie About It
Syll Oct 2019
Don't lie about being not okay.
If someone you trust asks you "How are you?",
Tell them the truth.
They could help you,
Or find someone to help you.
Don't hide behind a smile if you aren't okay.
The smile can be a perfect mask for your emotions.
I know that,
I have hidden behind a smile many times.
You don't want to worry your friends,
I get that.
You don't want to worry your family,
I understand.
But tell them anyway,
They love and care about you.
They want to help you.
Don't lie,
Lying once makes it easier the next time around.
Even if you are bad at lying.
I have lied about being okay countless times. I hide behind a mask of a smile. It doesn't help to lie about it. If you think you might burden your friends, you probably won't if they are good friends. If you're scared to tell your parents, don't be, they will understand you, they might have gone through the same thing. Just try not to lie, please.
168 · Dec 2019
Please Stay
Syll Dec 2019
Please stay with me,
I know I sound selfish,
But I need you here with me.
Please stay with me,
I know I can't do this without you,
But it makes me sound needy.
Please stay with me,
I know I need help,
But you don't have to stay if you don't want to.
154 · 6d
I Understand
Syll 6d
Living is hard.
I understand that.
Living can be annoying.
I get that.
Living can be rough.
I know that.
Living can be a pain.
I understand that.
But life is so much more than that, please keep living.
146 · Nov 2019
No Longer Trusted
Syll Nov 2019
I am no longer trusted.
I ruined it for myself.
I just had to hurt myself.
I ruined it for myself.
I lied and faked being okay.
I ruined it for myself.
Now when I say I can be trusted,
No-one believes me.
And I ruined it for myself.
I really can't deal with myself anymore. I hate it.
126 · Nov 2019
Syll Nov 2019
Who could love a person who cuts?
Who could love a person who is suicidal?
Who could love a person that hates them self?
God could.
Who would cherish someone who is scarred?
Who would protect someone who is scared?
Who would accept someone who is hurting?
God would.
Who could heal their broken soul?
Who could save their weary heart?
Who could restore their wounded mind?
God could.
Who would care for their shattered spirit?
Who would fix their dark thoughts?
Who would bear their burdens?
God would.
God saved us from our sins,
He can heal us.
We are His children.
God loves us so much that he sent His Son to die for us. He can save us from the darkest thoughts, He can heal our scars.
116 · Dec 2019
Syll Dec 2019
I would take a bullet for you,
or several.
If it meant saving your life,
I'd do it in a heartbeat.
Even if it meant my heart would stop.
I'd do almost anything to save you.
And I wouldn't lie about this.
I hope this shows how much I love you.
You matter to me.
This is for Tyto, Mjolnir, Eclipse, Daisy, Peanut Butter, Guthlyn, Sapphire, and FreeBird.
108 · Jan 14
I'm Sorry
Syll Jan 14
I don't want to be a burden.
I need to keep my mouth shut sometimes.
I don't want to scare anyone.
I need to keep my mouth shut sometimes.
I don't want to lie about it.
I need to keep my mouth shut sometimes.
I don't want to be a problem.
I need to keep my mouth shut sometimes.
I'm Sorry.
I'm sorry that I cause people to worry, be scared, or be burdened by my problems.
95 · Nov 2019
Syll Nov 2019
There are so many places.
I should know,
There are several places for me.
My arm, collar bones, ribs, and thigh.
I shouldn't do it.
I don't do it anymore.
There is still a great temptation.
But I can overcome.
I know I can overcome.
I'm so sorry for you who know what I am talking about. It is tough, I know that. But we can get through it.
92 · 4d
The Devil
Syll 4d
The devil likes to tempt,
No one is exempt,
From his silver tongue.
90 · Nov 2019
True Friends
Syll Nov 2019
True friends can see the hurt behind your eyes.
They can tell when you're not okay even when you say you are.
True friends will know when you need them.
They will give you a hug when you need it.
True friends will stick with you through tough times.
They will not give up on you.
True friends will protect you.
They will protect you even from yourself if they can.
True Friends can be hard to come by.
I have true friends, I love them so much. They have stuck with my when I was at my worst. I am so blessed to have them as friends. This is for Mjolnir, Sapphire, Peanut Butter, Tyto, FreeBird, Mismagius, Eclipse,  Daisy, and Mrs. G.
89 · Jan 9
Syll Jan 9
In an instant,
Your life could change forever.
In an instant,
A loved one could've been taken from you.
In an instant,
The worst could happen.
In an instant,
It all came crashing down.
In an instant.
I almost lost my mom in a car accident on 1-9-17. My sibling broke an ankle. I came out basically wound free, except for the mental wound.  I had to watch my mom and sibling in pain, and there was nothing I could do. My mom broke her neck, she could've been paralyzed or could've died. She is still here because God saved her.
85 · Dec 2019
My Heart
Syll Dec 2019
My heart can be made of diamond,
A very hard solid.
My heart can be made of stone,
A very tough thing.
My heart can be made of gold,
A very malleable metal.
My heart can be made of glass,
A very easily breakable thing.
Be careful with my heart please.
My heart can go from hard, to tough, to soft, to very breakable, please be careful with my heart, I only have one.
84 · Jan 7
Syll Jan 7
I want the demons in my head to go away.
But they won't leave me alone.
They scream at me,
They tell me to do bad things,
They tell me lies.
I can't escape them.
I think there is more than one demon in my head.
I feel powerless.
Please help me.
I have been fighting for too long.
59 · 15h
Syll 15h
Feathers of ebony
Wings of afternoon
Eyes of shadows
One means sorrow
Or death
Cloaked in mystery
And sadness
Cawing a mournful tune
A lonely crow
This is a random, weird poem I decided to write.
50 · Jan 10
Questions with Answers
Syll Jan 10
Why am I so scared to be abandoned?
Why must I care so much?
Why do I feel so alone?
I don't want to be lonely.
I care because that's the way I am.
It's my brain that tells me I am alone.
I'm so annoyed,
I can't keep up.
Why do I feel so bad?
This can't last forever right? It is temporary? I hate feeling like this. I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to be sad anymore. I don't want to feel like I'm alone. This is so Frustrating.
37 · 5d
Just a Question
Syll 5d
Should/ Do people who commit suicide go to h*ll or Heaven?
What do you think?
I ask this question because I am curious.
33 · Oct 2019
Syll Oct 2019
To be hurting so much,
To have to endure all the pain,
To have to stick around for other people,
It’s hard.
When your friends end up hurting you,
When they don’t know how much pain you’re in,
When all you can do is smile at them and say ‘I’m fine’,
It’s frustrating.
But try to have a little hope.
28 · Dec 2019
Syll Dec 2019
One day, I will be free.
Free from depression,
Free from anxiety.
Free from bad thoughts.
Free from myself.
Free from the hurt.
One day, I will have wings.
One day, I will be able to go home.
One day, I will be free.
What do you want to be free from?
25 · Jan 14
Syll Jan 14
I can't find the words,
To explain what's going on,
Inside my head.
I can't find the words,
To express how sorry I am,
For being a let down.
I can't find the words,
To expound on how I feel,
About the thoughts I have.
25 · Oct 2019
Syll Oct 2019
I wish I could forget them.
I really do.
It would be so much easier to go through the day.
I wouldn’t have to remember that we were friends.
Or how much I care about them.
I wish I could forget them.
I really do.
It would be so much easier to be free.
I would never have to talk to them.
Or miss talking with them.
I wish I could forget them.
I really do.
It would be so much easier being happy.
I wouldn’t have to remember the good memories we shared.
Or all the hangouts.
I wish I could forget them.
I really do.
I wouldn’t have to hurt so much seeing them being together,
And being happy without me.
25 · Nov 2019
Syll Nov 2019
It is hard to say what I am feeling,
But I can't describe it.
I want to tell you,
But I don't know how.
I want your help,
But I don't want to sound needy.
I want to be held,
But I don't want to be awkward.
So I don't say anything.
25 · Jan 10
I Can't
Syll Jan 10
I want to cry
My eyes are dry
I want to die
It's not my time
I want to speak my mind
It would terrify
I am too shy
I have to lie
And say I'm fine
22 · 6d
Syll 6d
"Stab yourself"
My mind yells
"Slit your wrists"
My mind screams
"Shoot yourself"
My mind screeches
"You need to live"
My mind whispers
Listen to the whisper
21 · Jan 7
Syll Jan 7
Rings can be a promise,
A promise to be there,
A promise to love someone,
A promise to trust.
A ring is a circle,
A circle never ends.
A promise should go until the end.
A promise should be kept.
I'll keep my promise.
20 · Nov 2019
Syll Nov 2019
When will your suffering end?
It will in time.
When will you break your bad habit?
It will take time, but you will be able to overcome.
When will you be okay again?
You will be soon, just keep fighting.
When will the bad thoughts go away?
Over time, they will dissipate.
It will be okay soon, you just have to hold on a little longer.
I was able to overcome my cutting habit, it took about 1 and a half to 2 years to realize what I was doing was wrong. Or a little longer. Now I have been six months without cutting. But I still struggle with horrible thoughts, I have them almost every day, and it is scary. I understand the feeling of hopelessness. But it will get better, we just need to hold on and keep fighting.

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