I do some weird things.
I say some weird things.
I am bored and looking for a reaction.
My habits floored and looking for a faction.
I haven't had anyone to hang out with since I was seven.
And that best friend was exiled when I was eleven.
So now I wait.
Ponder what it would be like in heaven.
Then I state.
I am annoying and irritating, disgusting and rude.
Smart alic, ******, and never really a dude.
I wish I was better, not so crude.
But I have not pushed past my limits,
So I stay in a feud.
Each thing I do only in a mood.
I have no real friends,
Problems without that being pursued.
I mean I have nobody I hang out with.
Probably nobody who to me wouldn't have a doubt with.
I think I can just go without this.
But I don't know if this loneliness is what I am about with.
I try to talk an make jokes.
Yet I am not funny, and my ideas are just yolks.
I am not relate-able.
Just debatable.
And for most people.
Disliked and seen as unstable.
Hard to make friends, too lazy to keep friends.
I have multiple personalities.
I am not saying this as a belief,
More than it is reality.
Each one,
Has their own actuality.
I chose one.
To be my true normality.
I may not be in the state the most,
But it's the only one I can boast,
Where I can be somewhat positive.
I think it's better than my most.
It's when I am calm,
And in my best mood.
At this time,
I am usually never rude.
Kindness and happiness.
Is finally pursued.
Nobody knows me at my best.
I would like to make something.
Something for you and me.
Something creative.
An activity.
What would you say,
With a good description.
Would be your perfect,
Society depiction.
Make a fun,
Meaningful fiction.
Of your personal utopia.
A place,
Of a happy place affliction.
Try it out.
You know racism.
Stereotypes.
But doesn't it ****.
When you realize.
That in the situation.
It actually fits them.
I thought it wasn't supposed to.
I thought it wasn't true.
But then again.
Why would they make them?
If it didn't happen?
Judging others.
Said to be a dumb fence.
But when it's true.
Does that mean it's an offense?
People of another race.
Are usually rude to me.
I am white.
Also Puertorican.
But who would think I was?
And who they was.
Isn't that unfair.
That they were what is thought as bad as a swear.
What can you do?
When bad stereotypes and actions.
Just keeps passing down.
It makes me frown.
Makes me feel like.
Being open-minded.
Is just a clown.
I don't like it when it's true.
It makes those people who say it is.
Not just a rue.
I am not going to be like them of course.
But it is annoying.
When it's as true as the source.
Have you had moments like this?
Yeah, I have thoughts.
Thoughts of people I have known.
I always go to far.
Push myself.
Farther under the bar.
It doesn't help.
That these fantasies are not good.
And would never be real.
It's not even something.
To I really appeal.
Other people have this problem.
And I would sob for them.
If I could cry more normally.
I knew about this stuff.
Ever since I was four.
I mean really.
It's pretty hard not to know.
Of things like a ***.
And so.
It may continue to go.
Even though...
I could try to stop.
I could stop.
I could let it drop.
Just ignore any feeling of that...sense.
And be as sturdy as some of a cop.
I will.
And you cannot judge that I used to.
Or do.
Because even though it's more private.
You probably do it too.
Let's be real now...I mean, come on.
I found a few purpose.
Of course on purpose.
Finding the point.
I serve this.
Going through.
It's ******* me.
And probably you.
A lot of rough bumps.
Where is that thing?
That you said would lift me.
Out of the dumps.
Life is not a rave.
Tried to get a save.
Not a single wave.
Maybe I am just dramatic.
Just spastic.
Really a brat.
Never something fantastic.
Spoiled.
Personality foiled.
Negatively coiled.
Always wanting change.
An embarrassing derange.
Looks like a mange.
I am sorry.
I say it so much.
A say it bunch.
I say it every time.
I have a hunch.
Every time.
I don't eat lunch.
It shouldn't mean anything.
I have used it to much.
Boy who cried wolf.
Boy who sorry sing.
But I am sorry.
Maybe I really am black and white.
Not insightful.
Maybe they just never laugh.
Not out of spite.
But because they are right.
I am not funny.
I am irritating.
Too hyper.
Hopping to conclusions like a bunny.
My actions.
My thoughts.
I can say are really not sunny.
I would pay my whole life's worth.
Of future money.
If I could escape.
The personality that runs me.
But instead.
I must be searching.
For where my future.
Is now perching.
How to ignore.
Thoughts just lurching.
What else can I do?
Then make entertainment.
For me and for you.
The future is hard to find.
I am sometimes offended.
Though I feel I am not supposed to be.
When it is said that may perspective.
I full of negativity.
When they say I am closed.
To social activity.
They say I am black and white.
But if I have time.
I can show what really lives in me.
An insightful, peaceful soul.
Or just a different personality.
I am 90% sure.
This is just now my reality.
Actuality.
I have a calm side.
I just need time.
I didn't think I had a problem.
In previous therapy.
And in the most recent one.
I just wanted to not follow insanity.
Trying something again and again.
And expecting a different result.
At least, I am not going to expect a better result.
I don't want to waste time.
Trying the same method.
Crying to the failure of method.
Though I don't cry anymore.
Saying I don't have more then one perspective.
Is only true in the moment.
Which is only sometimes true.
This false accusation.
Anytime my tone.
Anytime sarcastic.
Smart alack or spastic.
I wonder if it's just a rue.
To get me in trouble.
Put me in more rubble.
I am only annoying.
When I am bored.
Floored.
Or my mind is thrown overboard.
I like isolation.
The peace of disconnection.
Because I don't have to deal with.
The non-pleasant and helpful content.
In my surroundings.
It helps not burst from stress.
From the constant press.
My calm is more.
My hyper is less.
This does not mean I am not extroverted.
Social.
Or introverted.
It is my relief.
In the form most converted.
I have other options.
This one is just more enjoyable.
Electronics.
Since I was four years old.
This is better then some.
And does not make me a ***.
I am not dependent.
Obsessed.
Addicted.
Saying that.
Makes me offended.
I just have a positive relationship.
With technological companion-ship.
Gaming.
Music.
I am not feign to it.
Now, this is just to explain for the problems and complaints.
That way I can stay in my happy paints.
Although I do actually wonder.
If I am cocky, arrogant, or seemingly too self confident?
Yeah.  Hey, I am only 13.
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