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Clyde Mar 13
Most people
Fear me cause I’m black
Because I’m different
I stand tall
In the indifference

Others, because I’m loud
Intense
Larger than life
Even though in my life
Nothing happens;
It’s going
Nowhere fast

But not you
No,
You enjoy
Basking in my suffering
Just the same as
You enjoyed watching them suffer
Because it make you feel
Good
No part of you knows
Humbleness or guilt
For pride and ego
Now act as your shield

Funny
How without mentioning your name
The room is now not as sunny
Predictable
You’ll shift uncomfortable
Act observant
Interested
Until eventually my words get to you
And you’ll roll yourself a cigarette

If this is goodbye
Then I’ll speak what’s on my chest
I despise you
And everything you stand for
You use your values and roles
As a glue to trap people near you
You act like you care
Until someone challenges your goals
You pull people close
Especially if your ego is struck
Which I think happens
Not-out-of-luck
Sometimes I wonder
What lies you have told
To others about me
More concerning though
Is what lies you tell yourself
Because I can see them

As it turns out
We’re 2 sides of the same coin
Even though you do all you can
To dull my face
And turn yourself towards the light
And mine to the dark
You forget that I like it here
You think you’re the first
To do this to me?
To leave me behind in the dark?
To strike me down when I already am?
To get so obsessed with themselves
Being better than they were yesterday-

No,
Finishing that insult
Would only motivate you more
I still have more power over you
Than a *****
With your **** in her mouth
-but I will not use it
No I will not say it
For like my gift
Of words and poetry
- I refuse to abuse it

Good luck to you
Your friends,
Family
And anyone you see fit
To be by your side
Me?
I’m gone
For I known you’d do this
For I was warned and my God,
They were right;
And I own a lot of people
An apology

I have sliced
This little coin of ours
And now you have your wish
You have all the light
Attention
Fame
Glory
Money
Anything you could possibly want
Take it!

Because I don’t want it
I’m not motivated to be bigger
Or better
Than the next guy in the room
You really think anyone
Can intimidate me?

No, instead
I’ll wash my side
And try my best to remove the grime
Because even looking like this
Standing alone between
Insanity and the zone
One day I will return
And, regrettably
Outshine you

Because that’s the only way
To get any
Respect
from
you
Clyde Mar 10
I’ve been told by many people
That my attitude is my problem
That my perspective is flawed
And that I’m ****** in the head
And I guess they are right
Cause after they say this
They’re the one that fled
Far beyond the mountains

But they’re right
My attitude
And perspective are flawed
I have been through too much
To even be or feel
Like anyone of you here:
Normal

But they are also wrong
****** and naive
To think that they’re energy
Their vibe
Is what I need
Because they also never leave
They’re little bubble
And enforce their perspective
Of how they perceive you
Onto you
And expect you to conform
To their view of life
And orderliness of their lives

Oh,
I pity these friends of mine
I truly do
Because most of you aren’t even worth
The polish on my shoe
Which is why I don’t hide
What I feel inside
Because I still feel
I’ll never hide what I feel
I’ve been there and done that
As silent as the cries of a bat
I’ve screamed and shouted
But all I got
Was mute

Because they will blame you
Rather than blame themselves
They’ll say it’s your fault
That you’re there
On the shelf
Gathering dust
While they’re off making a success
And drowning in pointless, ******
****
For power and fame
So when they see you again
They have something to boast about
Something to make them
Scream and shout
Sadly for this
No one delays
From seeing this

They won’t wonder
If your perspective is flawed
They’ll just ***** it into your head
That you are really,
Mad
Not because
People made promises
That they never kept
Or because they’ll happily replace you
With someone else
Or they’re around for the good time
And never for the grind
Or they hang and meet up with you
Because they need to pass the time
Or come begging for advice
When they’re backs against a wall
Blame you for your life and misery
But don’t listen at all
Or better yet
Plan and promise to meet one day
But you never get the text
Or call

So no,
I think my perspective isn’t flawed
I’m an extreme, like my parents
A combination of black and white
Producing the devils’ offspring
If you think what I’ve said before
Isn’t true
Then don’t say it at all
Because honestly,
I don’t care
And the last I recalled
I never asked for your opinion
So kindly keep it to yourself
Like me, put it on a shelf
And wrap it in a nice little ribbon
In a way that makes you feel
Safe and in control

Because unlike you,
I know what it’s like
To be used
Abused
Manipulated
Scared
Beaten
And called upon
To replace the now
Gaping hole that’s in your life
Because ‘they’re gone’
Expecting me to respond
Like a dog being called by name

I never wanted fame
But I know what it’s like to go insane
To feel and be told you’re crazy
And yes, I am too much
Get to close, and I’ll burn you to a crisp

So I cut you out
Like a sore tumor
For the better of the host
For the better of myself
Because I don’t need the help
From people like you
But this still
Doesn't being me piece
So instead, I’ll write
Instead,
I’ll make you
weep
Clyde Feb 11
I resigned
my spirit is now broken
my heart torn
my will, my drive
was once gone, but now
must be forced out
from deep within myself
and my body hurts in places
that I did not know possible
but then again,
do you even care?

I resigned
because I had enough
because I hated
what I was being turned into
because I disserve better
because I am better
and will not allow myself to be
grinded down and moulded
to your liking
to suit your cause

I resigned
for my life and mental health
are worth so much more
than your apologies
or your pity; neither serve me any purpose
I saw how you change people
what promises you simply state
but you only tease from high above
our goals, through you
simply dangling from a string, toying with us
to ***** us bare
to make us
mouldable
for by losing, sacrificing, abandoning
what makes us, 'us'
we jump higher for you
to reach your expectations of us
and lose ourselves in the process

I resigned
I think I've said this before
I still feel that it's a dream,
all the years of hard work
now really
account to nothing
for I was eluded that I
could be something more
.....
.....
the saddest part?
I  was and still am
already something
just not your 'thing'

I resigned
the only downside
is knowing that I could have made it
for I have supported so many others
and I now watch them go far
floating on the horizon
without a second glace back
but sadly, my good nature
has not been returned
It's a shame that a tank that supports others
doesn't get the support back
for they simply assume all is well
because he's a tank

But I also blame you
for I remember a time when my friends
were my friends
were we laughed at how pointless things were
the simple things brought us the most joy
and time was simply something to be used wisely
for it is in short supply
so you spend it all on your friends
.....
.....
but you broke most of my friends
they are now self-absorbed in themselves
like horses with shades on
oblivious to the world around them
they walk over anyone and anything
to get their way
and if you're not part of their agenda,
not someone they can use to gain from
or a hand to ****** that ego
well.....

I'll be alright
I may have lost the fight
but believe me
I'm built for this kind of war
I'm just glad to be out

Before I could no longer recognise myself.

**
"She has left port!"
at first, thought was
"This is a dream"
but on closer inspection, it was not
she had been commandeered
by the one everyone keep never-near
and was sailing fast towards the horizon
and all that could be done was watch
as a Baldboy sailed off laughing
his voice booming across the sea...
Clyde Feb 4
I am the Invisible Man
you don't see me around
my head hangs low
and I'm always glaring

I am the Invisible Man
in my ears
music is always blaring
drowning out the unrelating
noises, who's voices
bring curses
released in all my verses

I am the Invisible Man
deep inside, the sun is
always shining,
it's blinding
but to be constantly
outshone
in the shadows of the vastness
the curses of the masses
to degrade beyond regression
your soul can't regenerate

I'm the Invisible Man
the man that blends in
even with the colour of my skin
an uneventful circumstance
of an unchanging tide
that abides by forces
far beyond the reach of our control
being lost and oppressed is all we know
the confines of a dark corner
trapping us in both space
and time

And yet in our minds
oh, the universes we hold
the billons of thoughts we see
the hopes of life that we bring
the virtues of love and kindness
that abides us
to the care of humanity
sadly, it drives us to
insanity

It ***** to be Invisible,
Man
Clyde Jan 14
prologue

I'm in a place I never thought I'd be in
surrounded in darkness
but inside, I'm still glowing
now shine a light in this darkness
abolishing of what's yet to come
I found me
broken and alone
engaged by chains
that were my own
enforced by you
to be
a socially acceptable individual
how comical
to think imprisonment offers freedom
just tighten me down
making me susceptible to get some
I had fun
I won't lie, I had a blast
getting ****** up the ***
by side-walkers
using my chains to being about the carnage
you knew my limitations
of how far these chains would go
you drew a calk line on the ground
so you'd know
stopping by from time to time
to get your fix
'cause while I'm held back in chains
you float above the chiasm....

**

It was my own weakness
to think that's how
to beat this
but it was all for nothing
sticking around
with fine line
of who I was
and what I'd do
what even made me think I should follow you?
I hoped things would get better
instead, they got wetter
and the water rose
there's an ocean between us
and no one knows
most are unaware
others don't care
that we've lost this
pieces to the puzzle
that's incomplete

I think to myself
what is the price of greatness?
and how have others
already figured this out, yet
it is worth the price
to break ties
in search of your own light
the shine brighter than the rest?
is it worth to invest in you
to fine tune
through which the process
all you're left with is you?

I won't lie
I still lie awake at night
think of what was and what could have been
this hunger within
to make something out of nothing
to make sense
of the insensible
it's a thirst that's unquenchable
drives you up the walls
though insanity makes you think you've lost it all

I am now chainless
you won't touch this
too scared to stand at my level
this is my plain of existence
my kingdom
if you want to step down to me
come and get some
I may be incomplete
for I cannot fly
but I'm ok with that
and that's not a lie

For I remember what the view is from up there
and I don't want it
instead I'll wait down here
and grow
for one by one
you will all fall from grace
and the King
will raise you up
once more

...unless you chose to stay here
that's fine with me too
Clyde Dec 2018
'Look at them
those idiotic fools down below
grinding their spirits away.
That will never be us,
we have a plan, a dream
and together
we will succeed.'

And I thought what you spoke was true
I believed we'd do great things together
but then you twisted words, ideas
because you're so desperate to stand out
to leave your mark in the dark
before the light stamps you out.

That's why every time
the light shines our way
you believe everyone around you is fine
because we all look ***
and you're happy, satisfied
so you turn your back towards the darkness
and run towards the light
and any friend that's left behind
watches you run in flight
how sad it is for me to think
that you'd be here for me
the same way
I was there for you
to think you'd help me rebuild
but you leave me there fiddling
in pieces on the floor
in a much worse state
then an extremely-cheap *****

I don't believe you anymore
you have lied to me
broken the cardinal rule
and worse is
you think that I believe you
I blame myself
for letting my guard down
yet, I'm left here thinking
how?

You have left me in the dark
how dare you say I'm lying
I've watch the moon rise from my window
4 times, while I was trying
to lift the weight of the world
off shoulders
your excuse was
'I was busy'
and that struck a cord
because you would have chased me
if I promised I'd **** you more
to feed that ego; the highest of statuses
you believe that you diverse
and anyone who dismisses that
you break with your words

I don't believe a word you say
did you think I'm ***?
do you think of me lower than you?
than shoo
away with you
you've been gone for 4 months
you've been so 'busy'
that you've run out of luck
yet, you still had time
to play, write and ****

We're not friends anymore
I can feel you blocking me out
we don't talk anymore, so
you don't want me to know
whilst I've previously seen your tears flow
and you don't want in
on my darkness that's within
even with my door always wide open
in this day and age
trust is worth the fuss
but it's a shame that once
your shackles came lose
you only set yourself free

This disrespect
is wiped across my face
while you boast about all your ******
successes and riches
and any question about your short-comings
you're dismissing
hide yourself in your protective cocoon
that facade you work so hard to maintain
for I already know it will be in vain
because the voices in your head will still drive you
insane

I don't think I can trust you
now
that you can lie to my face
and spoken behind my back
you always think I'm distracted
but I'm cautiously listening
feeling, dreaming
my mind buzzes to words I find appealing
out of concern,
out of love
I eves-drop on conversations
but I can't do that anymore
when you're *****' doing all the thinking

So this is how it is now?
I call a foul
on myself and my own senses
for it's them
dissing
them
because love blinds us all
I blame myself for this fall
my senses warned me
that something had ****** up
and even previously
I was cautioned
about a potential **** up
and it happened
unexpectedly
how blind and ****** I can be
while you're out there running
you broke the promise
that we would both be free
you used me like a doll
for you've had many like me in reserve
so for you to leave
was easy
you didn't even say a word.

I honestly loved you like a brother
but now
I don't know if I can
any
more.
Clyde Dec 2018
To make yourself insignificant
is simple; make
your voice even quitter than the squeaks of a mouse
lower your gaze from the heavens to the ground
and focus on the black soil staining your boots
hunch your shoulders and arch your back
as you carry the hidden weight of your intelligence

Slower your pace to that of boredom
rather than purpose
wear cloths that fit you too big
to hide your size and strength
shoes too small
if you can afford any at all
pull your hoodie up
to hide your face from passerby
and face down, not forward
gaze fixed, lost, broken.

Do not ****** the ego of your friends
offer little to no support
for in their recompense,
they will not save you.

Don't reach out to those you need
for your need will become a drug to them
and don't accept the help of those who offer
for that will become a tally of re-payment
turn your back on any proposal of aid
no matter how enticing
they may be

Withdraw within yourself, within your own thoughts
do not show weakness, even when you're forgotten
hide behind pride, ego
immaturity; a soul not stained by life's lessons
keep the mask on as you slowly
become insignificant, unfazed
and follow others
like sheep to their death
and yours

But
if you ever wish to lead
it is simple
turn your back on your gods
for they never cared for you
and they will never follow you

Instead, simply say
'I will no longer chase
it is time that I switched pace
instead I will lead
who dares to follow me and my steed?'


Then
see who follows
if any at all.
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