I tried opening my eyes,
All I saw was a teary-eyed blur.
I couldn't see your deceiving smile.
I couldn't see your alluring blackhole eyes.
I was blinded from all the tools you used to lure me into your trap.
My loud wails overpowered every lie you could ever tell.
And the salty taste of my tears, erased all memory of the taste of your lips.
The excrutiating pain on my chest, and my extreme pants for air, killed all the butterflies I'd felt for you.
In that moment, when everything that led me to you was blocked out,
I was able to finally look into myself and realise my own worth.
The scars and bruises you left all over my body,
Shall forever be a reminder never to let a man like you back in my life.
Crying saved my life.
This one tells me he loves me and actually means it.
He embraces my dark mind in all its fullness.
He kisses my flaws and makes love to my dark shadows.
I keep waiting for him to break my heart,
So that deep, sad sonnets could seep through the crevices.
I keep waiting for that heart wrenching blow that'll set my soul screaming out, triggering past demons to arise and causing my hands to write sad reflections of the pain.
I've only ever written about Ghost hearts and Lost loves.
But how do I do that anymore?
How do I write about pain and suffering when all I feel is love and immense joy?
He stole the very essence of my poetry.
How dare he.
But I love him still.
And maybe, just maybe poetry doesn't always have to be dark.
But that's a story for another day.
This one is for you David.
Here I go again,
Planning a whole future on based solely on a hope of you.
I know I shouldn't...
But each time I look at you my imagination grows wilder.
In my head, we are already set in forever after.
Spending eternity just settling for one another.
I know it hasn't been long,
But my head is already chasing forever with you.
Before you fall in love with my physique,
Fall in love with my aura.
Fall in love with my soul.
From a vague eye, looking up from earth;
I am a soft glisten.
Like the stars which gracefully twinkle on high above.
But study me, look further into my eyes.
And you will see the vastness of my soul.
You will notice the destructive explosions and super novas going on inside my mind.
The beautiful lifelessness that somehow brings life.
Notice how I constantly collapse into myself like a black-hole.
Notice how my atoms continously collide and fuse, giving birth and death to my stars.
Do not be misled by my softness.
I am the night sky
I've always been introverted and soft-spoken. But beyond that lies a whole new depth that people refuse to see.
I work in a hospital.
And I'm not sure if this was the right profession for my fragile mind.
As I walk through the hallways, I swear I can hear the walls speak...
Telling tales of lives being birthed,
and lives falling away.
I listen to the walls.
I feel every tear.
I feel every fear.
I feel every smile
and I feel every sigh of relief.
I get lost in all the stories these walls hold.
A beautiful swirl of birth and death.
I feel a slight pang on my throat, choking on the thought of death.
Then almost instantly, my face lights up.
A cry, of a healthy new born baby bounces off the walls.
I am completely lost in these walls.
And for a slight moment, I realize, I am these walls.
Either way, I work in a hospital.
I am caught in a cycle of birth and death
"Change is inevitable, embrace it."
But, do you really understand what you're asking me to do?
You are asking me to surrender.
You're asking me to give up all the control I have.
You're asking me to allow an unknown, untold, unpredictable force to take over me.
You're asking me to strip off all my armor, and leave myself vulnerable.
And I'm scared.
I'm scared of what this means.
I am finally old enough to be held accountable for my actions. It's all me now.
Quite scary huh'.