I smelled your shirt tonight
        Remember the one you took off before you left and tossed at me?
Said I could keep it for a memory.
                 It was an accident,
         I didn't want to smell it,
        To
           smell
               you.
     It reminded me of the night before you left,
        We stayed up talking half the night about you leaving,
       being sad but anxious and happy too
         I just
               held
                      you
Watched you sleep, wondered about your dreams
             I didn't sleep that night
        Stayed up all night and cried
               I knew I was gonna miss you
                  And it was gonna hurt so bad
                        To watch you go
But when I just smelled your shirt
            It didn't make me sad
                   Not
                         even
                                mad
It was just another memory
Of the mistakes I've made and learned from
             I've
                   let
                      it all
                            go
I guess I just wanted you to know
      That even if you don't want it,
                 I've
                      forgiven
                              you.
    Tomorrow?
I'm gonna wash that shirt
And *stop thinking about you.

My daughter called today crying, and said
"I miss you daddy, when are you moving closer?"

Any other day

I would just tell her "I'll be there soon, baby"
but those words seized up in my throat
and refused to pour from my lips

On most days, I would tell her
"Baby, Sometimes you have lay the foundation,
before you can build the house" and her
sleeping on the floor and giving me her bed to sleep in
or giving me the 5 dollars that she had saved from her allowance
isn't a viable option (though a heart like her's makes a father proud)

but today

Today I was three seconds
from melting down, the process
signaled by tears that formed like lava
quiet pools meant to renew, gathering at the corners
of these weathered eyes, and it took all the strength I had
not to curl up in the fetal position and close my eyes
until the world turned black

I held everything inside for a few moments longer
just long enough to let her know
that I love her and to say goodbye
I realized at that moment that I had waged this war far too long
and losing a battle like this was not the end of the world, so today  
I held up a white flag in surrender, and gave in

There's something about crying, it's like hitting the reset button
it buys you a few more days before the next breakdown
before the next time life tries to break you
So I cried in my car, alone....

*because today she needed to see strength
and not the cracks in my armor.

I've been planting the seeds
To terminate the machines
That make you believe
That you can turn hatred and greed

To proceeds

For keeping the future
rich and pristine
For your seeds

Just to grow fruit
that spoil on your leaves

Things we sense in vision
Intentions we won't speak

Spending time demented on things
We don't need
Making a commitment or promise
And don't keep

Everyone is falling
So we have to go DEEP