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Ayla Nov 2019
I am alone again
I am all that I ever am
in a frozen home, my room
my heater pulsates and purrs
depositing the only hint of warmth I currently know
to every part of this place
but it never hits my bones.

My head is throbbing
on and on and on it goes
like pain is the only love I'll ever know
my heart beats, it beats so soft and low
I want to throw myself over the edge
I want to remember passionate love again
here I am, alone again
this pain is the only love I'll ever know.
Ayla Nov 2019
Autumn in my hair
please take away my feelings
as you take the leaves
Ayla Apr 2019
Ask me what it's like
at the pit of my downfall
it is emptiness
Ayla Apr 2019
Suddenly it all became real
like with the tick of a clock
it's a new day, into our final month
and I'm already feeling the loss
as if any time together is already gone.
Trust me, I don't want to feel this way,
like you're already gone,
like I don't want to be here at all.
Today is the best day I've had so far;
but I'm still sitting and smiling,
choking on my thoughts,
swallowing my pain and suffering
because the damage has already been dealt.
Nothing I can do could keep you around,
at least not without me pinning you down,
leaving me guilty for making you miss out.
At least you're here now,
but life without you is all I've been thinking about
and I can hardly focus on the good knowing it soon will go south.
Ayla Mar 2019
Goodness tonight I feel so alone
-but not as alone as ever.
As the tiny droplet of emotion gave to gravity
and fled my space
I couldn't help but appreciate
my ability to feel.
Once, I'd felt so lost
I hadn't even known myself
so in these broken moments I'd lie
expressionless to time
as my world would pass me by.
If I'd felt anything at all
it was sorry for myself,
the little broken bell.
I hadn't realized at the time
you cannot break what's not been built
so I suffocated in my sadness
and mourned the loss of my breaking shell
before growing into my newest form.
So as the tear dries into my face
I'm thankful for life as it is today
and I swallow my ego
knowing everything will be okay.
Ayla Jan 2019
Well, it's not like it took me by surprise. I knew from the mesh of our auras that it would be great, and waiting past the point of wanting it would be greater. So to say, desire built the pressure, yet execution lit a fire. So soft, so gentle, your essence is on me forever. Like a sharp inhale, and a whimper on the way out, this was a kiss I have been dreaming about.
Ayla Jan 2019
She weeps silently as she bleeds inner beauty onto an empty canvas and retains the ugly left in her brain.
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