Carter Ginter Jun 14
The scary thing is
You could be enough for me
The intensity of these feelings
And our insane connection
Might be enough alone
But I'm afraid to give you all of me
The way things were at the beginning was enough for me to be monogamous. I'm happy I never told you that because things changed and my needs were no longer met. But I wrote this in January.
Carter Ginter Jun 14
Sadness pours from my lungs
As I dream of inhaling smoke
I want it to choke me out
To spill what's left of my soul
My heart still beats on
But it hurts in my chest
Spreading this virus of lost love
Throughout my entire being
It moves only slowly though
As my heart knows you're gone
My arms still crave your touch
My brain understands the most
And it condemns the pieces of me
That still hold onto your memory
Yours? Ours? Mine?
Who's memory is it?
I guess they're all different
I don't know if you really loved me
I suppose that's what hurts the most
But I loved you unconditionally
Even when I hated you too
I'm not sure if you felt the same
But it's something I'll come to terms with
Just like the fact that I feel sad
And I don't think you're worth that
Carter Ginter Jun 12
Locked into your gaze
You are the only one around
Though we're surrounded
By the moving bodies of strangers

I don't know how to dance
But the alcohol fuels my limbs
And yours are up against mine
As we move together as one

Colorful flashes of moving lights
Pale in comparison to your smile
Our foreheads touch gently
As we scream along to the songs

I haven't "known" you for long
But I've known you forever it seems
Even my heartbeat knows your energy
And responds whenever you're near

As I lean in to meet your kiss
Electric currents shock my chest
As everything around us freezes
We've created a universe in our arms

Despite the crowds and the show
I can't tear my eyes away from yours
Cause you're the only one I see
And the only one I want to
Carter Ginter Jun 12
I'm sick of bleeding out for you
When all you do is lead the blade
If they could really see
The scars from the pain you cause
Red rivers would run deep
Encircling my stomach and back
Tearing through these tattoos
Leaving only ripped skin in its path
These tattered pieces of me
It's all I feel like some days
And I couldn't even begin to tell you
Exactly how much hurt you caused
Because you were already crying
Telling me how much you love me
But how it isn't working out
And damn babe
Don't you think I know that?
Don't you know I came here to end it
But what you don't know is
While you left because
You can't handle your feelings for me
I had to leave for myself
Because I can't handle the subtle hits
Of emotional abuse
I've never loved anyone more than you
But I've also never felt so much pain
As when you made decisions for just yourself
As you completely disregarded me
And even though leaving you
Has filled me with undeniable relief
My heart is still broken and bleeding
And right about now
The blood is choking my lungs
Carter Ginter Jun 11
What a day
What a life
I've been here many times
But none of them felt like this

My first year
I saw this couple
They were dancing and singing
As they gazed into the other's eyes
The love there was palpable
And to a young queer person
Feeling extremely alone and unlovable
I cried because I didn't think
I could ever be worth
A love quite like that

Then this year happened
I thought she was a new crush
But those gorgeous eyes locked into mine
And I feel like I've known her for ages

A few drinks in and
The anxiety begins to fade away
As our bodies time themselves to the rhythm
Of music I didn't think I could dance to
As strangers question the intensity
Of the intimacy between us
And would probably freak if they knew
That we've only known each other
Just over two weeks
But time is irrelevant and
Feelings are everything

Her vibrant energy electrocutes mine
Sending my body into both a
Simultaneous rush and deceleration
As we are transported beyond this space
Beyond the heavy crowds
To a place of our own
Where no one can touch us
Where no one else exists
Where it's only her and I
Staring into each other's eyes
And feeling each other's souls
Exactly where I wanted to be
Is exactly where I am
Shadows engulf our bodies
As we lay together in silence
Though this quiet is not a void
Nor a sign of anything lacking
We can simply exist together
In a space not crowded with noise

As we lock eyes in the dim light
I can feel our energies collide
And as my fingertips trace your cheek
I am temporarily removed from time and space

I feel more connected with you
As whispered secrets of our lived existence
Spin through the space between us
That feels much larger than it is
I want to tell you that
You never have to hide from me
That I care for you more
Than the world thinks I should
But time is not real anyways
And no one has a say in this but us

Although I am terrified
Of the way my feelings exist for you
I appreciate every minute we spend together
Whether I'm staring at your gorgeous face
Or entangling my hand in yours
These moments are transcendent
Of everything but us
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