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Carmella Rose Feb 2020
You
i used to think that you were an angel
until you proved that a murderer just thinks that love is greater than all
what a hypocrite he is
a walking mistake you are

but you were hell of a ride
with those brown eyes
and messy hair
you were the universe

too big, huge trouble right?
‘cuz i use to think we’re a match made in heaven
but we’re all sorts of complications
like how you reign me in your heart

is that even fair?
that i’m so in love and
you’re here playing the tables
calling off the bets

you know i was not a romantic
but you bring out the best bad in me
and sometimes
you give my hands something to write
and my eyes to cry

you were as bad and as good
and i know that’s chaos
trippling in the tip of my fingers

and i hope t’was the end of pain
but it was not
it was just a denial
to the hunger of love
i hope i was a believer of love again, but it’s harder trusting the second way around.
  Feb 2020 Carmella Rose
Mari
New
New 'you',
New me,
New love.
Carmella Rose Feb 2020
Love has this feeling i couldn’t understand,
is it the person or the feeling i like?
i don’t know, love is a confusing as a math problem
and i don’t know how to solve it
and it hurts, so bad that love isn’t worth it anymore
i’d love to give my absolute best to it
but i think my pride and ego are bigger
because i’ve loved the wrong person
and trust really isn’t valid to your heart,
i want to open my heart so badly, but
how do you open a heart whose been stitched up
because it’s been broken for couple of thousand times,
and i wish i wouldn’t wake up someday to this pain,
and all the bad dreams would go away
but it doesn’t, our memories still haunt me
everyday, even at night time past dawn,
how i’d wish i can give a chance to someone
who truly loves me and not you
who threw me off a cliff after i fought a war for our love,
you’re a coward for letting go a woman
who could do anything for you
love has taken me to dark places
that i don’t know
and if i can rewind time
i wouldn’t fall for you
because you
don’t catch
a damsel in distress
you threw off a
crown ready
to love you
because
you were
afraid
that
i wouldn’t
be there
so i was
the only
one who
swam
the seas after
all.
you. every realizations.
Carmella Rose Nov 2019
you were that certain coffee that i couldn’t resist
that smell i swear i’m addicted to
you were a sin that i was always ready to commit
i’m a sinner, you’re all the crucials
vicious things i’m going to do
i’m the holy person, who became the devil
in denial of facts that satisfied me
and when i wake up in the morning
i keep grasping for air
because i know you’re just a dream i’m chasing
it’s hard everyday you’d be here
then the other you’d be gone
i don’t know when or how long
should i wait, i said i’ve moved on
but no, i still lose self control
everything still becomes a temptation
when it comes to you
every nerve on my body shivers
i tried to forget you
with all these alcohol, pills, and boys
that i’ve played with
but nothing was the best like you
you’re the reason why love is sweet
and why love is a bitter misfortune
you’ve locked me with forever
and left me like i was dust
thank you for the scar
forever in love with you
I do not know if this is goodbye, but I hope I see you again. || November 24th
Carmella Rose Nov 2019
and when it rained of love, god stormed you to me, then took you again by the sun.
i loved you truly my friend, it’s just that everything didn’t work out, but i hope you’re happy and well; to the first boy that made me feel butterflies in my stomach, and who made me wanna wake up from these miseries, i love u until now but i’ll only love you from afar.
Carmella Rose Jul 2019
you were the most beautiful devil
that hell has sent me
darling you were the best
you were the ******* pain
that i’ll always want
that i’d rather be miserable
than lose you all over again
but now you are gone
and i’m just an angel lost in earth
don’t know where to find your smile
don’t know where to find your voice
your scent, your figure, your laughs
i don’t know where it is anymore
when i walk to the old places i feel cold
when i come back to our conversations
i feel warmth, i feel love
and all sorts of butterfly in my stomach
and if heart is a puzzle, i’d be incomplete
i’d be just a standing piece waiting for you
to complete the voids that you’ve patched up
from the sweet words
to the affectionate gestures
i’ll be honest missing you
is killing me, and letting you go made me die
everyday tears run down my cheeks
sunlights don’t shine anymore
rain hits me, and then
i was strucked by the lightning of sorrows
i kept coming closer to your fire
but where are you?
where the hell am i suppose to look?
should go back?
no one’s going to replace you,
the first pain of thy heart
the first of everything in fifteen,
you were not my regret
but you were my rotten daisy
forever remembered but thrown away in the ocean
but always remember that wherever you are
i always think about how happy we were
but it’s such a loss,
that our fate is parallel,
only strangers that met but never really cross.
—and i’ll wait for you to come back, as long as i can.
Carmella Rose Apr 2019
days have past but the scar of the past keeps growling of pain
tomorrow tells me another hope by thy sacrifice is made by
illusions of good days have already vanished and the worse is yet to come
the beast inside of me shelters the weakness of my fear
tell me how? how does a girl fight a demon of depression when all she has are swords to inflict self-harm
how does a girl forget anxiety when everything triggers the memories
i shall keep you away dear lover who have made me vulnerable and forced me to build walls made by blood
i do not want to be heartless but he took it away, he took it all the way leaving me with nothing
leaving me by a smile i will always despise
tell me was it good, to turn my body a volcano then rush out to make it alaska
you’ve turned me hot but left me cold
you’ve become my foundation but now you’re my destroyer
i love to hate you, but that thought is just an imagination
all i could feel is the truth that you have been the worse and i have been the ashes
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