​I still haven't found land. I steer my crew in circles, drunken and adventurous, hoping they never see how hopeless I am. I cannot handle this power without something powering me; I cannot see straight and somehow that's less blinding than my own doubts. Than my insecurities, and pain I deal with. I'm afraid their trust will decimate, that this ship will sink. Far down, far away. I dream of the clouds being an island to me. A home. Familiarities I rarely feel in these murky, vast waters. I've let my thoughts wander.. farther than I should have. Do you blame me? I always knew my life held a bitter end. A small fight before the ocean enthralls me once more, capturing me, and I sink. Lower than I ever have. Losing my life to the very thing that kept me from living-

your brain, darling. what happened to it?
I remember when we once were fine.
but blood has left your body, boy.
you've got a broken heart and ****** up mind.
but why? what made your thoughts blank out?
and what caused each emotion to disappear?
was it mommy? you can tell me.
after all, she's not even here.
she left you, boy. she's not returning.
I know it hurts. but it's certainly true.
was it addiction? or was it her freedom?
what trapped her more? her problems, or you?
onto all of this, did you ever try?
you wake up to sadness, that's all that you give.
im so ******* sorry that everyone leaves you,
but it's no shock when you act like a kid.
moral of the story? don't ******* be you.
I hate how you act, I hate when you breathe.
just go ******* cry and tell yourself that you're nothing,
until that's all your ******* heart can perceive.

somehow I don't believe you,
don't go out... its harder to go through..
be a mess,
take the fight,
and hate the world.
my time is overdue,
I've done nothing to show to you.
life taught me flight,
so goodbye,
I hate the world.

if moments... could show us
a good time,
then maybe
my mind
would change.
but moments,
waste moments
of good times.
and maybe,
I've lost my mind

You came to me
Feathered steps
I turned away my eye
Ignorant being
To Ignore you, I never meant to
Busy, routine, you see
You wouldn’t, as you left, the same
Feathered steps
Why do you visit only once
And visitors you’d allow, almost none
Please answer
.
.
.




Dear thought :)