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He moseyed on over to me,                                 I
stammered a shy
hello,

He smiled sweetly as my gaze                           fell
to his hands and wrists
where promises might show.

There was something about him,                      in
his eyes I saw something
broken, something dying inside.

I ached to fix him, repair him,                          love
him back to life, bring the fire back
into his eyes, make him mine.

We whispered a promise of forever,                with
his little finger wrapped around
my own.

I meant it, and I never did take                        him
for a liar, so I’m living three hundred
miles away thinking I’m not alone.
It’s all internal now.
You’re in a room.
No door,
no windows—
just four tall,
white walls.
The walls shake uncontrollably,
as if the earth were coming to an end.
What’s happening?
"Walls,
stop shaking,"
you say.
"That’s enough."
You wonder if you’ve ever had any control over the walls at all;
they don’t seem to listen to you.
Shortly,
everything will come tumbling down,
and you can’t do anything about it.
You sit and wait.

Suddenly,
through the nonexistent cracks in the walls,
waves come crashing
over your head and
down to your feet.
If a spark were to touch the water right now,
the room would instantly turn to ashes—
or so it feels.
You close your eyes,
hoping for an escape.
Yet you still know where all the water is,
simply by following the un-ignorable surge
that is felt across your entire body with each ever-growing hit of a wave.

Where are you?
Why don’t the walls break already?
And why aren’t you dead yet?

You open your eyes again
as you jolt awake in the middle of the night.
Your heart is pounding and your hands are trembling.
The beginning of the waves—
you’ve felt them.
Sometimes, it seems
Time drags on
And on and
On and
On
Slowly
Then slips
Away like water
Through your hands
you see him and think
god,
he is so beautiful
god,
everything about him is just
so
****
perfect.
nothing else matters,
his imperfections—
perfect.
his crooked teeth,
how sometimes he gets one or two
brown hairs on his chin
instead of blonde ones
how he ***** at opening up
how he ***** with giving compliments
none of it matters
because you see it all as perfect
just absolutely
perfect
you start seeing the waves of the ocean
in his diamond eyes
you start seeing flowers grow from
the hair on his chin
the brightness of the sun in his smile
you start to see him as the
most beautiful,
perfect,
human being.
then
you wonder if he was just an angel
and got his wings ripped out
maybe that’s why he’s so scared
of trusting people
of opening up
maybe that’s why he’s
got odd scars on his back
because his wings were
just
ripped right off
I begin to spiral downward with no
Safety net in sight or parachute on
My back. I look up and I see familiar
Faces of people who support me.

My family and friends become my
Ears and eyes, and guide me through
All the ups and downs and roundabouts.
They are my safety net and parachute.

“You can do it!”
“You’re amazing!”
That’s what they tell me every day
As my demons begin to slowly fade.

My demons fight harder and harder;
It’s David versus Goliath, an epic battle.
Good versus Evil, Heaven versus Hell.
My life is chaos and only time will tell.

“Don’t listen to them!”
“We control your life!”
My demons try to control my life and
They push me further into the dark abyss.

I’m free-falling, not the Tom Petty type,
Being ****** in like a black hole in my mind.
Welcome to the Twilight Zone as the light
Begins to fade in and out of my mind.

“Your life is precious!”
“You have so much potential!”
My life and my mind are not my demons’.
They will not control me, not if I can help it.

I realize that everything starts in my head.
I need to stop making excuses and listening to
My demons; they do not determine who I am,
Nor determine the person I will become.

“You can do it!”
“We have faith in you!”
“We believe in you!”
My family and friends break the darkness.

I see a hand as I fall deeper into the darkness.
Outstretched and Heavenly, I reach out for it.
Failing every time, I doubt myself and I begin to
Make excuses telling myself that I can’t do it.

I close my eyes and I tell myself,
“Stop making excuses!”
“You can do it!”
*“Just do it!”
The dark whispers
The light sings
This world of wonder
Speaks to me
It says I'm special
It says I'm free
Obviously the world doesn't know
What it has done to me
It has torn my heart
Ruined my mind
Stolen my friends
From behind
It has taken my purity
And beaten it down
Until I have no more
Than a broken frown
This world
It is cruel
It uses my life
As its fuel
It's says I'm free
But I know that I'm not
This world controls me
But not my thoughts
if you never see the universe,
you think this world
is all there is
 Nov 2014 Camélia Evergreen
r
as fragile
as a songbird -

her hands

knotted and spotted
from many winters


november came one last time -
i held her hands in mine - gently

- gently, she flew away
to where songbirds go
when it's cold in the mountains.

r ~ 11/18/14
For my mother, Betty Taylor Richardson (8/9/1935 - 11/18/2013).
I strive to be
like a Bo-Tree,
Dwelling so Deep
my Roots that Seek
water and nutrients from soil

Yet High I Rise
To be more Wise
by embracing
the nourishment
of Light!
This came to me when I was looking at the Pipal Tree in my garden. It has grown very tall in 8 years, and it's roots have spread far and deep.

This can be looked at from different perspectives:

1. To be strong and rooted to one's own principles, ethics and moral values. And building on them one should have a tendency to always learn something new, to attain wisdom.

2. To be strong believer of good age old teachings, traditional way of life that we are so accustomed to, that are passed on to us by our elders but also welcoming new changes and good reforms in the society.

Please feel free to reflect on your thoughts and express your perspective.
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