I've let go of my words
Because you said my english wasn't good enough

I've let go of my points
Because you said I'm always pushing my point of view

I've let go of speaking up around you
Because my opinion it's always wrong

I've been sore by someone that can barely put up a phrase together

And still

I've let go of myself
Because you would never love someone like me

Why do I have lungs
If I can't breathe
Why it's dark
If I can't sleep
Why is there silence
If I'm so anxious
Why isn't right
When isn't wrong
These nights
Have me wide awake
Trying to learn
How much I can take
My mind it's pounding
Words, flashes and sounds
I wish I could stop
But I don't know how

I want a bullet through my skull
Right outta my head
Oh I wish I was dead
I wanna die
And it kills me to be alive

Beating and beating
till it bleeds
Oh, I just wish to disappear
Some days out of thin air
Others to let a scene of full bloodbath
But most days are the same
I wish I wasn't
But I suppose I am

You love me
But just when I'm away
You care
Just when I treat you the same

You love me but don't even understand
I love you but not enough to stay

If not even the person that is supposed to love me,
Loves me
How am I supposed to feel loved?

I allowed me to trust
Now I can't bring myself to understand
That your safety isn't an option anymore
Every now and then
I catch a thought,
A plan or move that includes you
And I have to remember
You gave away my trust
Passed me up
Had just enough fun
And took away everything you brought
Now when I think of us
It takes so much to realize we were
But we are no more

Go ahead
Put a red nose on me
Make me do it all for you
And be what you want me to be

So you can just turn around
And leave me with the white paint
A tear drawn on my checks
Upside down smile in pain
And guilty in my stripped sleeves

I sacrificed so much for this circus
You got me crying till noon
You never gave me priority
Left me alone with empty balloons

I thought being good with words
Meant I would be good dealing with people
But these two things are so far
From each other

What use is it knowing what to say
If I can't bring myself to open my mouth?