When the depression hits
I suddenly become empty
It's like the world around me has stopped spinning
Life becomes dull
And at this point
I would do anything to feel something
Because the nothing is killing me
But then after awhile
When the nightmares start to fade
And my world resumes its rotation
All of the emotions start rushing back
And at this point
I would do anything to go back to feeling
Nothing

My question isn't
When do I start?
But rather
When do I end?

Do you know what it's like
Not knowing what's fake
And what's real
Sitting all alone in a dark room
Shaking
Having creatures tear open your skin
Yet not having a mark on you
Hearing voices screaming
Pounding on the walls
Yet being in complete and utter silence
No you don't
So shut the **** up

I just want to be held
To be loved
And cherished
I just don't want to be alone anymore

Take a walk through my head
Listen to my thoughts
Spend a day in my shoes
You'd start drinking
Smoking
*******
Anything to make it stop

I have nightmares
And not the kind that leave
Once you wake up
The kind that follow you everywhere

My body smells of ash
Because I one had this fire
That consumed me
And left nothing else
But ash

The smell of death
Wafts through the air
Yet no on died
Tell me
How can that be?

I used to think
I was living a nightmare
Now I think I'm becoming
One

Sometimes I get chills
Not because I'm cold
Because I can still feel
His hands on me

It isn't suicide
If the girl I'm
Killing isn't
Me

I have this darkness
Creeping up inside of me
One day it will reach my neck
Stopping the air flow
Silencing my screams
And I'll fall to the floor
Choking, gasping for air
But no one will hear

The fire burns
Too greatly for me to handle
Yet I crave it
So much

My recovery was like climbing a mountain
Hard
Tiring
But so worth it
Then I lost my footing
And fell
Now I'm laying at the bottom
All beaten up and broken
Too hurt and tired to start again

In through one ear
Out the other
I'm not talking about sounds
I'm talking about flies
And they're so loud

In and out of Hell she went
For the Heaven she searched for
Didn't exist

I just want to be held
To be loved
And cherished
I just don't want to be alone anymore

"Oh baby, you're so beautiful when you cry"
He told me
"Now close your mouth
And open your legs"

They say home is where the heart is
But what if your heart is broken?
Shattered to a million pieces?
Where do you go?
Do you have a home?

Surrounded by a field of flowers
She drowns
Because the ocean is her ceiling

"You can have
A wonderful night
For the right price"
I told him
I just didn't know
It would cost me too

They told me that it's all in my head
And they were right
It is all in my head...
And my heart
And my veins,
It's in my stomach
My arms and my legs
It's immobilizing my muscles
And deteriorating my skin
So yes- they were right
But they left a few things out
Not only is it in my head
It's now completely taken over every single part
That makes me
Me

This is Depression