I want calm mornings
I want to wake up on your chest and in your arms
For the morning light to wake me up
A smile on my face as i kiss your cheek and you slowly open your eyes to smile at me
The birds are a muffled song
A warmth in my chest I've never been able to explain
The bed creaks as we get up
The kitchen soon smells of coffee and orange juice
Maybe a cat maybe a dog with a tiny little silver  bell
The soft patter of feet on the hard wood floor
Our tooth brushes in a cup in the bathroom we share
Yours is blue and mine is red
Maybe ill help you pick a tie
Kisses every time we bump into each other as we get ready
Jingle of keys as we hurry out the door
Promises of coming home early and making plans for dinner
The door to our home is locked and waiting for pur return

Your hand leaves a warm trail up my thigh
Our hearts going too fast
"Do you feel safe do you feel safe do you feel safe"
Holding each other like we'll never see each other
I can not breath
All the air in my lungs have been given to you
Legs tangled in the sheets
Fingers in your hair
"I feel safe i feel safe i feel safe"
I can smell you on my shirt
I can taste you on my lips
I never want to let go
"Please dont go please dont go please dont go"
I wont let you go
I cant let you go
Dont let me go

On the nights you have to leave ill feel the ghost of your breath on my skin in my dreams
Carefully i play the memories of your lips on my lips, my neck, and my chest
The memories of your hands on my hips, my hair, and my wrists
I can hear you say "i love you" and i can feel the "please dont leave me"
I can barely keep my eyes open and when i do all i see is you
Toes curling into the sheets and my fingers curl into your hair and under your chin
I can feel your heart beat against mine and it feels like we are one being
Fit together perfectly

I could talk about the black holes you have for eyes
It's like the light gets lost in those hazel eyes that see nothing but pride
Not by chance did we meet but it felt like my world was put in place
You've never questioned me
Saw me through my worst and best
you said before we fell in love you had never heard me laugh so whole heartedly
I can't say you complete me because it's your black hole eyes that ****** in me into your chest in between your ribs and settled into your warm heart that I desperately try to hold while we lay in each other's arms
and I place my hand over your heart just to make sure I can make you feel so breathless like you make me
You never completed me you took over me
I've been heartbroken so many times and for all the wrong reasons and I'm clinging to you so pathetically praying to the god I never believed in
That maybe you will be the one to put me back together like some ******* teen novel
It's been ingrained into my mind that I will find my wonder wall
I called you my wonder wall because I wanted you to be the that saves me because I believe you'll be the one to save me
But you've built up walls
Walls that you don't realize are up
And I sit there carefully prying and knocking on the stone walls
and I'll hide when you start to back off
But maybe I'm the one with walls
Maybe it's me who is the black hole that ***** in the light and life and everything that ever made me smile
Maybe I'll **** you in and never let you out and destroy you like I have been time and time again
Maybe my rage will smash you like a beautiful vase and leave you to pick up the pieces
But I don't want that
I want you to tame my rage
And close my black hole of a heart
Let your warm touch calm my now cold heart
And I can hear wonder wall playing in the back of my head every time I see you
every time I kiss you
Every time I kiss you it's like another black hole
******* me in and pulling me apart like I'm made of thread and your nimble hands pulled the loose string
You sewed an undone seam on your hoodie
The hoodie I took from you and wear every single night dreaming that it's you engulfing me instead of this fabric
The fabric that makes me feel safe and stops my worries and paranoid rambling
Just like you
You with black holes for a soul and a warm heart that jumps when I touch you
You with the eyes that make me blush
You with the nimble fingers that glide across my body
You with lips oh god your lips
You
You who will never see this
You who will break me or save me
You

"I'm sick"
I whispered into the blue cotton fabric of his shirt
I pushed my face flush against his chest hoping the heat from my cheeks will make me melt into his skin so I can sit in his heart
"I'm sick and I don't know if I want to get better" I sob
He's stalk still not even putting his large warm hand on the lower base of my spine
I don't know what to do I don't know what to do I don't know what to do
I want him to make me better
He wants me to get better
Or at least that's what I tell myself
I tell myself that he doesn't love how fragile I am
That he doesn't see me as broken
That he doesn't see me as his purpose
I tell myself that he loves me for my flaws and perfections and not just the broken pieces
But as I soak his shirt in my wails I pretend not feel him recoiling like I've got some disease he's afraid of catching
Let me pretend
Let me pretend you actually love me

I'm trying to forget you,
I really am,
but when I hear a certain song or smell your cologne
I'm back on the bathrooms tile floor craving your name with shards of the mirror into the walls,
but nothing's enough to match the feel of your sharp tongue,
I would say you were the one who left,
but we all know I was the one to slam the door when I left,
I just always thought you'd run after me, you were always full of surprises.