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1.9k · Nov 2019
"I would die for you"
Bummer Nov 2019
I would die for you even if I didn't have to

With red rivers on my wrists
Bummer May 2019
******* for calling my art “rants.”
For not being able to see past letters I paint on a canvas.
There is a certain spot where ***** like you will never be allowed,
and that’s between the lines of the words I write.
I’ll write all you ******* off as I write of all your ******* sins,
and I’ll wear another mask just like you want me to.
I build a home and you burn it.
I build a reputation and you stain it.
I’ll be a ******* carpenter of confidence, and you’ll still be my villainous vandal.

So *******.
And your scummy scandals.
And your insidious intentions.
And your daggers of delayed and destructive dialogue.

I’m over you.
1.2k · Sep 2019
7 months sober
Bummer Sep 2019
It's been 7 months since I let your sinful filth between my lips.

I still crave you every day.
862 · May 2019
I can’t sleep
Bummer May 2019
Insomnia isn't so bad when you are on my mind
Bummer May 2019
You asked where my happy place was,
Could I say that it's you?
Maybe it's us,
In a coffee shop,
Telling stories and trading smiles.
Never thinking too far ahead,
because the now is so **** perfect.
And never caring about mistakes,
because I'm too focused on your freckles.

You asked where my happy place was,
Could I say that it's in your writings?
You make me sound,
So ******* loved,
You have no clue how much that means.
You write of the me that you know best,
the boy who hurts but loves to smile,
I feel so real from your point of view,
and I love that I'm always on your mind.

You asked where my happy place was,
Could I say that it's when your in my arms?
Holding the stars,
and the flowers,
and pressing them close against my heart.
Keeping my world safe from harm,
while finding comfort in your touch,
Keeping my fears locked away,
because you scare away the dark.

You asked where my happy place was,
and I couldn't narrow it down to one,
So for now I find joy in three places,

Your smile,
Your art,
Your touch.
you asked me this a while ago, so sorry for the late response.
806 · May 2019
The Saint of the Sinners
Bummer May 2019
When a bullet isn't between my lips, words of hatred often are.
I beg for love and steal from God and set bridges up in flames.

I hide knifes in drawers and backs and I keep secrets safe from harm.
Without a purpose I loathe so beautifully, without a love I'm so alone.

I keep a razor in my wallet, next to the photograph of you and me.
I sing songs of wanting to change, but I've been living in my hell for years.

I paint words of fear so easily but I can't seem to grip onto bravery,
I wish so badly to feel others pain, but I can't ******* cope with my own.


I am the King of the Cowards.
I am the Leader of the Loners.
I an the Prophet of the Pained.
I am the Saint of the Sinners.
792 · May 2019
Another sorry
Bummer May 2019
I’m not going so say it again
But you know what this is about.
I don’t know why I keep feeling this way.
I wish I could stop
this isn’t about you *******
781 · May 2019
I wish
Bummer May 2019
I wish you kissed others to make me mad,
not to make yourself glad.
635 · May 2019
ouch
Bummer May 2019
One of the most unbearable pains is needing to cry but never being able to.
537 · May 2019
Please
Bummer May 2019
Can someone please tell me why i’m so **** sad?
522 · Aug 2019
sorry. i’m petty.
Bummer Aug 2019
i’m cold and I want to cry.
I know you’re on my side, but I want you by my side.
Bummer Nov 2019
There was a knife by the window.
There was a pair of shaking hands.
There was a letter he could barely read.
There was a silence in the room.
There was a coffee scented candle.
There was a broken music box.
There was a photo of a stranger.
There was the death of a poet.
473 · Apr 2019
You’ll be fine
Bummer Apr 2019
I'm listening to your record on repeat and thinking of times we had together. And I can't help but feel sad. Longing for your touch.  For your comforting brown eyes to be looking back into mine. I miss your hugs. I miss your soft skin. Love certainly accents the loneliness.
Bummer Apr 2019
Go ahead,
take away my voice.

I’ll still have my fists,
and a reason to fight.
keep on trying
396 · May 2019
Death is in my head
Bummer May 2019
Put a gun in your mouth and then ask if I’m okay.
It’s hard to speak, isn’t it? When death is in your head
And by the way, no.
I’m not okay.
I’ve had a gun in my mouth ever since my grandfather died.
The gun keeps me from talking and sounding insane, but I still write of death every single ******* day.
And It’s not because I’m suicidal.
It’s not because I’m edgy.
I’m just scared.
I don’t want to leave nothing behind.
idk. i’m just scared
391 · Mar 2019
Yes
Bummer Mar 2019
Yes
"Are you still writing of death?"
Yes...
Is that bad?

Just because I'm sad, lonely, and a wardrobe of black,
doesn't mean I want to die.
Nor does it mean I admire death.

It just comes easy to me.
Fear comes easy to me.
If you look deeper you will see that I write of other fears.

Being left behind.
Other peoples perception.
Negativity winning.

so to answer your question, yes.
Confronting fears is why I write.
idk
365 · Apr 2019
ew.
Bummer Apr 2019
ew.
Remembering what we had makes me sick
your love hurt.
Bummer May 2019
You fit so perfectly in my arms. Holding the world together was never so enjoyable. And your coffee colored eyes look so beautiful when you stare back at me. I try to count your freckles, but I get too easily distracted by the millions of other things that make you so ******* stunning. The collision of your kiss leaves me so breathlessly happy, and I look dumb as **** after. I think of you during storms. I think of you all the time. And I can't think of a better way to daydream without you waltzing into my mind. You are my blissful summer nights. You are my adorable best friend. You are my coffee shop daydreams. You are my everything.
yup
330 · Apr 2019
Untitled
Bummer Apr 2019
I'm not burning bridges because I hate you.
I just like to stare into the fire.
Bummer Apr 2019
These heavenly florescent lights split my head open and send waves of hatred through my aching bones.
I keep telling myself that I only have two years left of this ****, but it only gets worse from there.
I wish I could compare myself to a ghost, but some people still choose to have faith in a poltergeist.
It's getting harder to wake up every morning knowing that I have to go back to war

And I know that you will be there,
And I will tell you "I'm okay"
And I know you wont believe me
And I will be fine as long as you stay

So whats another ****** day on this journey to "finding yourself" in crowded hallways and fake smiles
I'll raise my glass to friendship at a table in the morning, smile as I lie, and drink the poison that it holds
I hate the people I love most, is something wrong with me or do I surround myself with two faced companions
I'll sing songs to cope with my own failures and I'll blame it on others, and I don't want to be alone, but I'll isolate myself anyways

And I know that you will be there,
And I will tell you "I'm okay"
And I know you wont believe me
And I will be fine as long as you stay

You're the line between my Sanity and loneliness .
this is about you. this is also about me being sad
320 · Sep 2019
Maybe tomorrow
Bummer Sep 2019
Tonight was only a matter of time.

I just wish you weren’t there to see it.
Bummer May 2019
I steal your stuffed llama so you can yell at me, dummy.
I like it because you squint your eyes and get close to me to try and get it back.
And I call you pretty ad nauseam because if I’m going to annoy you I should at least do it with the truth.
I tickle you a lot because it makes you smile. I’m sorry. I know you hate it but it’s so ******* adorable.
I annoy you because I love you.
And I really love to annoy you ;)
Bummer Sep 2019
I'm going round and round,
and I'm afraid of falling off,
because I know that if I slip,
there is no catcher in the rye.

Innocence is never preserved,
and reaching for that ring is scary as hell,
things just don't stay the same,
and that's the truth.

It's so bitter sweet,
it's a torturous love,
it's the happiest you get,
and the hardest you fall.

But if I slip,
and if I fall,
will you catch me,
one last time?

Will You Catch Me One Last Time?
I'm 16, so I'm allowed to idolize Holden
301 · Jun 2019
Caffeinated Melancholy
Bummer Jun 2019
The pitter patter of rain fell onto the cracked cement,
as it mockingly aplauded our attempts to mend our selves again.
Outside of the coffee shop where the lovers go to cry,
a strong headed velvet stranger wiped the memories from my eyes.
While puddles formed and dams broke I found saftey in the unknown,
while storms raged and hurricanes sang I saw that I wasn't alone.
The street was a winding river that carried me miles and miles from saftey,
but this rainy coffee shop day dream made me feel a lot less empty.
Even when you're miles away, you still strike me with safety.
Bummer May 2019
Dear, Nobody.

That’s a lie. Just because I can’t narrow this down to one person doesn’t mean it’s to nobody. “Nobody” isn’t an emptiness, it’s a pseudonym.


                                                    ­      I

I've been acting cold hearted to make myself seem stronger, but I’m cracking under the pressure of goodbyes and silence. I get scared that you will hate me for being so awkwardly introverted, because you only thrive if you’re having fun. I don’t think I’m enough, but I know that I can be, I don’t think that I’m there yet, but darling, just trust me. I’m working so hard to overcome these fears, I’m treading these waters and I'm trying not to go under. I keep on telling myself that I can be enough for you and the only hard part to it is simply believing. I’m sorry if I ever hold you back. I want to be a companion, not a burden, I want to fight the dark together, and I know you're kind enough to help me. I don't think you know just how much that keeps me going. I will catch up. I will be fine. I will come through, and I will not drown. I just need you to hold on to me for a little bit longer, because there is no way in hell I can do this alone. "At this moment, you mean everything." You mean too much to me to drown alone.

                                                         ­  II
                                                          
You are growing distant as you are getting older and it hurts me like hell. I can't help but feel proud that you've made it this far. I miss you a **** ton, but I'm glad you are growing up. I will always be there for you, even when you're ****** at me. When you get in trouble for being a *******, or when your heart is broken into a million pieces, you can always come back to me, no matter how distant you are. You don't desert family, and I sure as hell won't desert you. After all, you are my blood, and if your lost or all alone "I'll go with you". You never have to worry about facing **** alone.

                                                         ­ III

I've accepted the fact that you will never sing for me. I don't know if it's out of fear, or if you just want to **** me off, but I guess I understand. It seems like a small thing to be upset about, but it bugs me because I love you so ******* much. You can always tell when something is wrong, despite if I tell you "I'm fine." You're distant but I know you will come back. I'm sorry for being a **** during the first half of this year. You deserve better, and I can give it to you. I'm sorry for hurting us, but I know we will be fine. I will always be "stitching up the seams" of every pain I've ever caused you. I hope you will let me.

                                                    -  -  - ­ -  -  -  

So, Nobody, I promise we will be okay. I promise I will be okay. At this moment, you mean everything, and I will always go with you, to stitch up the seams of the pains that I have caused. Distance will never break us, and you will never be alone. I won't drown if you are there. I won't leave if you are hurt, and I won't cause you any pain.
I love you.

Sincerely,
                    Your no longer desperate friend
I had to say all of that. I'm sorry if it upset you, but I had to straighten things out.
284 · Jul 2019
Dead
Bummer Jul 2019
Most of us wrote about our problems.
So when we all stopped seeing each other,
we all stopped writing.
282 · May 2019
Sick of saying sorry
Bummer May 2019
I still can't help but think that all I ever do is annoy you.
I'm sick of saying "I'm sorry."
But I am.
So I will.
I'm sorry.
I think i just end up disappointing you. I think you wrote just to make me happy. not because you believed in what you wrote.
274 · Nov 2019
Liar Liar World On Fire
Bummer Nov 2019
"I love you"





Yeah right.
270 · May 2019
Untitled II
Bummer May 2019
I'm not a fan of people who fail to see past the smoke they exhale.
I don't enjoy the constant "I don't care" mindset, and I don't think it helps.
I don't care if you ruin yourself. I don't care about your health
but the second you hurt the ones I love I swear to god I won't hold back.
Do you know there is more to life? Do you know that you can have both?
You can be here for a good time AND a long time. It's not impossible.
You can’t just brush things off like it’s nothing at all.
And there is more to life than ***, drugs, and alcohol.
You talk of how perfect it is and write of how awful it is
I hope you get better.
I hope you change again.
I hope you start to see that there is always more to life.
yup
268 · May 2019
I wrote a poem
Bummer May 2019
I wrote a poem about you but I lost it.
I wrote a poem about you but it got ruined in the rain,
I wrote a poem about you but I forgot it.
I wrote a poem about you but it brought too much pain,

I wrote a poem just for you but I got scared.
I wrote a poem just for you and then I wrote an excuse,
I wrote a poem just for your where I declared.
But I know you’ll never read it so let’s call this a truce.
it was long and sweet but i don’t think you will see it.
261 · Jun 2019
3 months sober
Bummer Jun 2019
I think that coffee helps.
It’s still really hard.
The only thing keeping me going is not letting you down.
260 · May 2019
Off (I'm really sorry)
Bummer May 2019
I think you like me a lot less than I like you. I'm trying to balance my feelings, but I get really happy around you. I think it annoys you. I think you're mad at me. I'm trying so hard to get you to like me. Maybe that is why you get annoyed. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. I just want you to be happy.
253 · May 2019
Confidence over Coffee
Bummer May 2019
I spent this morning telling myself that I meant something to someone.
Saying to myself that I could handle today.
Saying to myself that I could handle my thoughts today.
I don't like to lie, but It helps me stomach breakfast.
These self therapy sessions over coffee aren't helping me at all.
Sipping on the bitter truth leaves an aftertaste of self doubt.

But I still tell myself that everything is okay.
Because one day, maybe everything will be.
253 · Apr 2019
The Ghosts of January
Bummer Apr 2019
I've been running, I've been hiding, I've been praying to stay alive,
I've been losing sleep and frost covered ground to the Ghosts of January

And they come knocking, they come crawling, they come hunting for my blood, They make the summer nights feel cold and drive fear straight through my bones.

I've been singing, I've been wishing, for you to pull my pain out with your teeth, but my frost-bitten fear goes deep, and the light of smile wont cause a thaw.

So I sit behind locked doors and scream a question with hopes of a response, pleading to a God I don't have faith in, and a mother who's lost her son.

"Is heaven still an option if I drown in my own blood,
if the crimson pouring from my wrists was a result of what I've done.
Is heaven still an option if I take away my sorrow,
will the ghosts of January haunt me if I take away tomorrow?"
i'm fine   :)
246 · May 2019
Total miss
Bummer May 2019
I don’t mind that you didn’t hear it.
Or that you chose not to hear it.
Either way it still stands true.
I’m sorry if it bugged you.


But I would be lying if I said otherwise.
238 · May 2019
I want you to smile
Bummer May 2019
I want to feel the pain I see in your eyes.
I want to know what bullets feel like.
I want to memorize every little thing that breaks you.
I want to see the monsters in your head.
I want to rip your pain out from your chest.
I want to hide you in my arms.
I want to strangle your demons and make you whole.
I want to be your reason for smiling.
230 · May 2019
I'll follow you anywhere
Bummer May 2019
I build castles on flesh and carve moats into my skin,
I wage war with myself and I know I'll never win.
I whisper secrets into rivers and let water wash them away,
I'm too naive to leave, but I'm getting scared to stay.
I think of death too much and I miss you so often,
It's nights like these where my bed feels like a coffin.
I'm coping with a pain, and I can't tell you when it started,
"I'm sorry" is etched into my skin, the words of the broken hearted.

I'll follow you anywhere, even if I'm scared
I'll follow you anywhere, though I know you never cared

Kingdoms keep secrets, and hearts grow heavy,
I was broken long ago, I want to cry but I'm not ready.
I think I'm going crazy now, my home feels more like a hell
I'm trying to get back up, but I'm so far from where I fell.
So I repress, try to protest, all of the miles I have regressed,
And I digress, I confess, but I still feel so ******* upset.
If I keep your letters by my bed will it help me sleep at night?
If I keep you words in my head will it help me feel alright?

I'll follow you anywhere, even if I'm ******* scared
I'll follow you anywhere, because I know you'll always care
Bummer May 2019
Please keep in mind that I'm a mix of ****** and depressed, but despite the mixed emotions, I promise I'll try my best to repress the negativity brewing coldly in my mind, letters to lovers, letters to friends, all just memories left behind, I hide behind the backs of friends right before the stabbings start, growing stronger and more painful, warping tightly around the heart, until it reaches a point of anguish where the skin starts to burn, and it seems like your love has left to the point of no return.

And tomorrow we all forget.
And tomorrow we all get along.
And tomorrow we all hold hands.
And sing our stupid ******* song.
idk
224 · Jul 2019
I never really am.
Bummer Jul 2019
Another way to say I need help is to say “I’m fine.”
218 · Apr 2019
My turn
Bummer Apr 2019
Writing highly of you is almost becoming competitive.
Its must feel good reading poem after poem about how perfect you are.
I hope that mine live up to the standards that they have all set.
They all talk of how you radiate joy.
Of how your little actions mean the world.
They aren't wrong.
A smile from you leaves me longing for the sight of you all day.
A giggle, and my heart skips a beat, fluttering to the tune of your joy.
The melodic words that spill from your pen seem to be tattooed all over my body, running along my sides and up and down my arms until the strands of black ink meet on the spot above my heart.
The breathtaking collision of your kiss sends my fears and worries and little insecurities away to a far off place, never to be seen when your smile is in my thoughts .
it’s safe.
it’s bliss
it’s everything.

Thank you
this is for you. I know that a bunch of people have written about you lately, and you deserve every word they say. you truly are the best <3
Bummer May 2019
I can’t tell you why I’m writing this.
I can tell you that it feels right.
I’m listening to your record to get a feel for you and I’m lighting coffee scented candles to help me miss you more clearly. I’m scared to write.
I miss you so much sometimes.
Even when you’re right next to me.
It’s annoying.
I always doubt myself around you.
I think you think I call you pretty too much.
You are so ******* pretty.
I feel distant, but then you look up at me and I’m reminded that I am an idiot for missing someone so near to me.
Then I think of how ******* lucky I am.
And how perfect you are.
And I go home and light candles and write of how I wish I had the guts to say “I love you.”
And how I wish I had the guts to believe that you would say it back.
You can call me a coward for putting it in writing, but it’s still true.
I love you.
216 · May 2019
One sided
Bummer May 2019
Maybe it’s just me.
But our talks feel one sided.
I truly believe that conversation is what keeps bridges strong.
But bridges take two people to hold up.
idk. maybe it’s just me
Bummer Nov 2019
It seems that all that we can do
is keep their picture on the wall
and nail its frame into our chests
and carry grief with every breath
Bummer May 2019
I will follow you into the hole you dig yourself in,
So I can hoist you up and watch as you leave me again.
202 · Jun 2019
Future Violence
Bummer Jun 2019
Summer slits throats.
But I’ll stitch you back up.
I’ll fill you with my blood.
I’ll take away your pain.
Bummer May 2019
I wanted to be a ******* inspiration.
I guess I’m just not good enough.
My hands shake when I write now.
It wasn’t always like this.

I want to tell Jaxson I love him.
I wish I could write like all my friends.
My bones ache when I’m near them now.
It wasn’t always like this.

I want to hold Bella close to me.
I wish I could say those three words.
Fear gets to me so easily now.
It wasn’t always like this.

Things haven’t been the same.
I can’t tell you when it changed.
But I miss when everyone loved me.
Now I’m at the bottom of everyone’s list.
i know what you’re thinking. the reason you are like this is because of your attitude. you may be right, but i can’t fathom how one on one everyone is saint like, but in a group i feel like the most isolated and hated individual. i don’t know how to fix this. i’m not asking how. i just want you to know that i’m not having fun.
198 · May 2019
silence used to be nice.
Bummer May 2019
I forgot how painful silence could be
but in the absence of sound I began to think
that deep down you truly hated me.
sorry
198 · Apr 2019
Track 3
Bummer Apr 2019
I know that you hate me,
so lets not pretend,
your words were soaked in love,
but all good has an end.
no. this isn't about you. so stop thinking that it is.
Bummer Apr 2019
I held my bleeding heart in my trembling hands and offered it to you in hopes that you would protect it.
My wrists were soaked in crimson and my face was stained by tears but you still looked to me as if you loved me.
And you took it. And you held it. And for a moment, I thought I was safe.
Then you squeezed it. Harder and harder. Until breath could no longer escape my lungs. Your black nails, streaked by red, dug sharply into either side, and with one last effort,

You
Ripped
My
Heart
In
Half.


It was all you had to protect.
It was all I had to give.
Like the heart, we were split in two
Making it impossible to live.
ouch
197 · Apr 2019
MA 8421
Bummer Apr 2019
No one actually likes my writings.
They just want me to take off the mask.
Im sick of the lies behind smiles.
And I know they’ll just keep coming back.

So take your scummy words cloaked in compliments, and walk the other way. I want to be liked for my art, not the person you know face to face.
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